I have been aware that I like to be in control and throw the word around quite often. Today I i decided to look actually look up its meaning.
1. To exercise authority or dominating influence over , direct, regulate
2. To hold in restraint, check
3. To verify or regulate (a scientific experiment) by conducting a parallel experiment or by comparing with some other standard.
4. To verify(an account, for example) by using a duplicate register for comparison.
I was so blessed to discuss my current situation with my trainer with a "dear" friend (Gale). Today I am grateful for her ability to bring to my awareness what possible be going on. I don't think I would have seen it with out her insight. After looking up the definition of "control" it is very clear to me what could be happening. I have total fear of releasing "control" of my training to my trainer. For the last 24 hours I can say that I have been comparing with other standards, by looking up stuff on the Internet and talking to others to build evidence to myself that I ""must" keep the control. How does this serve me? How can I grow and trust if I constantly want the control?
With this brought up another interesting point, trust.
1. confidence in the integrity, ability, character and truth of a person
2. One in which confidence is placed.
I think I equate trust with fulfilling my expectations and loyalty. I believe I throw the word trust around to test if people care about me... enough. But ultimately, it isn't anyonelses responsibility to make sure all my needs are take care of . The only person in charge is me. Why would I expect others to think of me first when I can't even do that for myself? And I believe this finally boils down to confident.
1. marked by assurance as of success
2. marked by confidence in oneself
3. very bold, persumptious
Being confident is the ultimate victory to self acceptance, self worth and overall contentment and joy in our lives. In order to truly build confidence you must take risks, and they are not always very comfortable. But isn't being a "little" uncomfortable worth it? I choose yes!!
So I choose to release my control and begin to trust the process. I am handing over this to my trainer.
In the end I will stand confident in myself because I did!
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