It was a very difficult and emotional day for me. As you know I have been attempting to maintain my weight and I began this week attempting to add variety. The agreement I made with my trainer was that I would not go over 155 and that I would be that or below on Saturdays. Well that did not happen this Saturday and of course he had something to say about it. No big surprise.. But what I was not prepared for was my reaction to it. I became very defense and it was pretty damn ugly. I felt terrible and just wanted to leave the work out. I isolateds myself from the group. I am not happy with the way I reacted and I wish I could redo it. I would have liked to accept it with grace and dignity, which didn't happen. I did text him and apologize from my shitty attitude. I know part of it is that I am disappointed in myself and I just became so sorry for myself. I hate that!! But I must now pick myself up and brush myself off and move forward. I weight is at 156.4 so don't have much to get back in my range and I know I can do that by Monday. But I must realize it is much more than just being in the range it is how I like to fall off my plan. The last few days I have not only been adding a variety of food but also things that I did not plan for (peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, cheese, lunch meat). Although there are worse food choices I could have made the point is that I didn't not stick to my plan. It is not that the plan didn't work it is that I didn't follow the plan. So I am done feeling sorry for myself and blaming this and that for my failure. I have the discipline inside of me and I know my trainer is just looking out for me. I know that now but not sure I could see that in the heat of the moment. Now I move forward with my head held high!
Here are the dreaded before pictures. This is something I like to share with the world but one I believe is worth revealing. Among the loose skin I know there is muscle under there some where and I am eager to see it once this is all said and done. The count down continues and I am at peace with the upcoming day. I know deep down I am doing the right thing and I look forward to seeing the results. Not much going on with preparing for the sugery. I continue to focus on eating a health diet to prepare my body with the repairing process that will occur after. I am now at about 19 days until the day. Can you believe it? I continue to take my multi vitamin and my vitamin C. I have all the medication filled and ready so now we just wait. I look forward to posting the after pictures for all to see. Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing my journey threw this with you.
Family, the one thing that is constant in our lives. The one thing that we can count on. In these times of uncertainty they are what is truly important. I had the opportunity this past weekend to spend time with the people that I love that truly matter in my world. My parents came to visit and I am blessed to still have them both here. It was nice for my kids to spend some time with them. I know it isn't their most favorite thing in the world but they will some day look back and cherish these times.
My parent are from Upper Michigan and it was nice to have them here. We took our usual trip to IKEA which I love since I never go there. My mom loves the store and we always get some great ideas. We came home with inspiration and attempted to reorganize my kitchen. My kitchen is small but I believe there is adequate space if it was organized right. So we made some big adjustment and I am excited to see how it works out. I would like to get some nice containers to store rice, pasta, etc. You know what I mean when you watch on TV those nice organized cabinets not the ones that you are afraid to open for fear of having something fall out on you. A nice peace to open a cabinet that is neat and organized now that would be wonderful. My mom has a great gift with doing that stuff and I LOVE when she comes and helps me figure out a better way. I am looking forward to her coming back again after my surgery to help out. It is so nice spending time with her. Doesn't have to be anything special just spending quality time.
I haven't had a chance to sit and post about our visit to Truman State University. As you can see I was not able to get any pictures since the visit was busy from the moment we got there until the day we left. We arrive in Kirksville at about 10:30, it took us about 5 and half hours to get there. So we were up and out of the house at 5:15. We checked into the hotel and were greeted by coaches and "Purple Pride" girls. In arriving in our room there was a jersey and a helmet on the bed to greet Steve to Truman State. I was able to take a picture of that but haven't had a chance to download it yet. We then drove over to the University and had lunch and a tour of the campus. We are able to meet a professor and have question answered about the academics. After that we had the opportunity to meet a panel of football players and had an opportunity to ask them any question with out coaches present. Of course, the boys play shy but the mothers had no problem asking many question (myself included). We then had dinner on the campus and watched some highlight film of the past football season. After that Steve went of with a player host while the parents went to a local tavern to socialize and get to know the coaches better. We arrive back at the hotel around 11:00 and Steve came in about 12:00. We then got up early Sunday morning (7:00) to have breakfast with a local resident that talk and answered any question we had about Kirskville. At that point the head coach sat down with us and proposed and offer to Steve. They offered in a $6,000 scholarship. We then packed up and headed home. It seem like a long drive home and we were all very tired from a long weekend. Steve didn't say to much on the way home but seems to enjoy the visit. He had another visit schedule to University of Indy on Monday which he did attend. He came back from that visit knowing that Truman was the school for him. He called the Head Coach last night, January 20th and excepted the offer. We can now say we are official Truman State University Bulldog Fans!! We are looking forward to watch to Steve grow in a college football player but most of all a great young man.
Well is suppose to get really cold the next few days and I am NOT looking forward to it. Now that I am lighter and leaner it seems a tad more difficult to stay warm. Layers have now been the key for me. Not much new going on with preparing for the surgery. I did make a chart of all the days that need to be covered with my clients in my absences and hopefully the girls and pick up much of those days. I am attempting to be OK with this. Being a people pleas er by nature my initial reactions is to post pone this surgery for a better time that I will not inconvenience anyone. I have come to realize there will never be a time and I have to do what is best for me. If my client don't understand and decided to cancel with me there is nothing that I can do about that. I have to be a peace with my decision and know that everything will turn out. We are heading to Missouri this weekend for Steve first officialvisit for college. I will have the camera all charged and ready to go. I will post a blog on how it all went when we return. Still have to formulate a plan around the way I am going to choose to eat that weekend. I did have a small deviation from plan on Saturday and I am attempting to forgive myself and move on. I continue to learn about myself and am going to use this experience to help me grow into a stronger person and live by my commitments. Here is to finish the week strong!
Everyone meet my surgeon, Dr. Jack Gelman. The date is finally set, February 18th at 7:30 am at Ingalls Surgical Center in Frankfort, Illinois. The appointment went well and we took the dreaded before picture. Looking at this picture you wouldn't be able to tell that I was wearing those little paper underwear they give you to take the before pictures. I find that quite humorous looking at the photo knowing that. What can I tell you that I have learned from my appointment? Well I guess I haven't told you what we decided would be the best course of action to take with my situation. I will be having excess skin removed from my out thighs and buttocks. In the days to come I will take before picture and will posted them, one reason I decided to take those little paper underwear home with me. The incision will continue from my tummy tuck scar all the way around. The incision will be very low and I have talked to two patient who have had surgery from him they said their scared are very fine, which is something I wanted. The surgery itself will take four hours and we will need to arrive at the surgical center at 6:30. So if all goes well I could be home early afternoon. I will come home with a pain pump and four drains. I am to do pretty much nothing for two weeks and he said I may be able to go back to my own training in 4 weeks. But the focus will be to take the time I need to heal properly and I know with experience from my last surgery that I need to be more diligent with that. So I plan on making a plan on how I am going to make sure that happens. I will be wearing a very tight undergarment to "hold everything tight in place". The pain pump will be removed when I see the doctor two to three days after my surgery also at that time I will be able to shower. I am both excited and nervous at the same time. I know I can not take this surgery lightly because it is a major surgery and I am trying to keep that in site. But I do know that this surgeryis necessary and that I have done everything in my power to change my body and there is nothing else "I' can do at this point besides the surgery. I look forwarded in the weeks ahead and will keep updated on the journey to surgery day. My focus at this point is to making sure that my client aware of what is happening and lining up someone to train them in my absence.
We are half way through the week and all is well. I have had some difficulty with wanting to add more variety into my diet but I have to continue to remind myself of the committment I made. This committment is to do 14 days on specific diet plan. I began that seven days ago so I am half way through. The weight loss started out strong but now has become less which is to be expected. Only the strong pervail and I know it lies with in me. Paul and I will be visting Dr. Gelman on Friday and I am looking forward to getting some of my question answers and to make the committment to do this. I have began looking at how I am going to make this happen with my client and I am starting to feel a little at ease about that. I am excited about doing this and being able to put it behind me. I will attempt to take my camera on Friday so that I can get a picture of myself with Dr. Gelman so I can post it here. I also would like to commit to taking pictures of that day so I can have it documented. Would nice to look back on it one day. I will post more about the visit on Friday.
Here is another Monday and morning and feel great about the past weekend. I had no problems with the diet and am feeling confident and strong. Not a lot planned for today. My client cancelled this morning so I have been on the computer most of the morning. Paul is still in bed and not feeling well today. It has been difficult to watch him struggle through this unemployment stuff but I know it is a journey he has to take alone and all I can do is be there to support him. His is journey is no different than the weight loss journey I continue to take. Here is hoping 2009 will be a better year for us all!! Goal for today: Start the envelope for the personal chef make a list of house duties that need to be done train with dick at 10:30 and do 30 minutes of cardio after stop by Barnes and Noble and look for a book on Low Carb Vegetarian diets
Thought I would take time to do an update on what has been going on since the 1st and what I have been doing to work on my goals. Surgery: I talked to a girl that hard a surgery by the surgeon I have chosen. She was pleased with his work and will be having another surgery by him in February a week before when I plan to have mine. I scheduled another meeting with the surgeon for Friday so Paul should meet him and I could have a few last minute questions answered. I will plan on having the surgery on Feb 18th. It scary to write it but I know that I will not be disappointed with my decision. ACSM certification: I went online and found that they have work shop coming to Illinois in Jan, April and July. I was hoping to do the one in January but with all the things happening with Steve I thought it would be best to wait until April. So I feel good about that. Personal Chef: Well I haven't done much with this so I have to put that at the top the next few days. My plan will to start an envelope for the money to save and put some money in it. I have a 100 I got from my mom for Xmas so I think I will put all of it in the envelope. That will feel good to have a 100 toward the 600 I need. I would like to talk to Tina again and may shoot her another email. I know she just recently got home from the hospital from her surgery so give it another week. Client Base: I recently have the opportunity to get a new client this past week from a referral from Mr. Sims so I am excited about helping her reach her fitness and weight loss goals. I also posted on Sparkpeople a Illinois Group I am a part of and introduced myself and put it out that I was personal training and was available to help people with their fitness goals so I will see if that goes anywhere. This is another area I need to work on.. Maintaining my weight: I over heard Dick talking to Tristann about taking a 14 day run with the diet I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for me to make a commitment to myself to be a part of it. So I text ed dick and said I wanted to be a part of it. I knew once I made the commitment there was no way of going back. So I am in for the next 14 days. I have really been doing the tight diet now for 4 days but I figure if I did the 14 days that will bring up to the weekend we go to Missouri. So I text ed Dick with my plan for eating and we tweak it a little and I am all set to go. The weight has really responded since I started on Wednesday. I was at about 155 at home and 158 at the gym. I was at 148.5 today at home and will weigh in at the gym today. I am wanting to be at a good weight going into the surgery next month so as much skin as possible can be removed. How are you doing with your goals for 2009!! Lets make it happen in 09
Ringing in the New Year will bring opportunity to start fresh and start over. I am excited about a new year and eager to see what it will hold both for myself and my family. Although 2008 was not one of our better years we have SO much to be grateful for. In times of struggle I attempt to focus on all the good. We are all healthy, we have a home, good friends and family. Paul had yet to find a job and that does weigh heavy on our minds but I must continue to stay positive and know that God will provided and things will work out. I continue to enjoy my clients and am eager to see what other people with cross my path this year. What opportunities I will have to share my story and experiences with others to help them find their way to health and happiness. Recently I sat with another trainer and the gym and we set some goals for 09. These are not things to beat myself up over that I have not yet achieved but to help me focus on what it is I really want in my life and things I can work on. Do you have your list? So far mine is as follows:
Scheduled to have my surgery this will be removal of the excess skin I carry on my buttock and thighs - I have had the talk with Paul which was difficult but he will support me in this journey although he doesn't understand it and has some reservation about the financial impact it will have on our family. - I have already talked with a surgeon, my boss at the gym and most of my clients. I am waiting to talk to former patients who have had the surgery and then will set a date
ACSM certification - I have put this off way to long and I want to commit to getting this certification this year - I am going to look in to see if they have a review course that will be coming to my area. I will sign up for it take the course and then take the exam.
Personal Chef - This is something I have been wanting to do for a VERY long time. - I have already talked to Tina about it and emailed her some question and waiting to her from her. (she just had surgery so not sure when I will hear from her) - I will start putting $20 a week in an envelope to begin saving for the course ($600)
Client Base - I will increase the amount of client I have at the gym - I will look into areas that I can find potential clients - health fairs - bridal fairs - Continue to spread the word and work hard with my current client to help them reach their goals so that they will spread the word.
Maintain my weight - I have finally found a range I believe I will be happy with. 145-150 - I will take the next 49 days to get into my range - I will seek the support of others to help me achieve my goal - I have a written plan that I will follow to help me achieve my goal
These are just a few of my current things I am working on. It helps to have it on paper and a plan on how you are going to make it happen. Do you care to join me?
I am 51 year old mother of two grown children. I am Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Registered Nurse, Personal Trainer and Personal Chef.
At one time in my life I weighted 270 pounds. I have lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for ten years. I am eager to share my journey with you in this every winding road we call life.