Monday, March 30, 2009

Bowling Anyone?

Yes, you heard it right I went bowling this weekend. I decided that this vertigo was not going to stop me from living me life. It was an interesting experience. The first game was me just getting use to bowling and bowling a little off. First game not so good, 79. Next game So much better 139. I guess another test that you can do anything you put your mind to. It was a great night out and I enjoyed being back with the gang.
Going to start a 12 week Challenge on Wednesday. Thought it might help me refocus on my fitness goals. So I will be taking pictures on Tuesday and I will post them Wednesday morning. Excited to see what I can do in 12 weeks. I might yet be ready for that bathing suit!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

At the cross roads

Good Morning!! Happy Hump Day!!
If any of you truly know me, you know I am a all or nothing kind of girl. This has been a blessing and a curse at times. I continue to attempt to find some kind of peace around my eating. But is that do able for me? I have put on a few pounds and that frightens the hell out of me. My initial response is I am headed back to my "fat"days. And I truly believe that the beast in me lurks right around the corner waiting for the opportunity to strike, i.e. where that fear comes from.
I do have the ability and the drive to slay that beast each and every time it appears. I guess it frustrates me that it even has to appear at all. This is the cards I have been dealt and now I truly have to come to some realization over it. I guess I feel I am at a crossroads right now. Do I want to continue on the road that I am currently on, doing the low carb diet and very restrictive, which has work so nicely to get the weight off but has cause some binge issues. Or do I attempt to try another road, add more variety which would include whole grain, fruits and more vegetables. It may sounds like an easy choice to most but it has been a very difficult decision for me. So here I sit at the cross roads figuring out which way to go? How do I decided?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Back Training!

I finally got the nerve to ask my trainer if he would consider training eventhough the vertigo is not completely resolved. He said "YES". I had my first session yesterday and it went well. I think he was getting the feel of where I was with my stability with the vertigo and with my strength since it has been almost 5 weeks since I lifted with him. I am not sore so that is a good thing and I felt that my stability was good. I train with him again today. We will focus on back today and a little leg work. I am not going to go full force with the legs until it has been six weeks out from my surgery. I had spoken with my surgeon about that and he said that nothing bad would happen but if I wanted that incision line to be a fine line that I should wait six weeks. Since I am almost there I thought I would be better off waiting. So one more week to go.
I now focus on getting my weight back down as well. Although it isn't terrible its not any where near where I like it. I weighted in at the gym at 159. I think when I left the gym for my surgery I was 153-154. I have a little weight to lose. I would like to attempt to get to 149 again so we will see how that goes. I need to start getting to the gym to up the cardio and I think I will run over there this morning. Was going to wait and do it after I train with him this afternoon but not sure I want to be getting home with the work traffic plus it will get me out of the house.
I promise I will get those pictures posted very soon.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Making a Turn for the better!!

It has been a rough week but I truly believe that things are starting to turn around for the better. The vertigo is not totally resolved but it SO much better. It is weird how things work out some times. Earlier this week I was in bed feeling sorry for myself and heading for a very dark place of depression. I have been blessed with SO many wonderful people around me. I truly believe with their support and with my realization of were I was heading I was able to defeat that "dark" beast.
As my blog is title, Ever Winding Road, it has been so true for my life this week. I had the site of depression and then a text saying that my client were going to be reassigned i felt the road was dipping down fast but that very day I had two dear friends (Gale and Kim) help me turn it around. Gale with her loving way of listening and encouragement. Kim by reaching out to me and inviting me over to her house to work out. This caused the road to go back up. Isn't that what life is though?
I have learned so much through this experience. Not all of them I wanted to see but ones that have given me so much to be grateful for.

Monday, March 16, 2009


You all may have thought since I haven't blogged lately that I must be busy getting back to my life since the surgery. That is further from the truth. I continue to struggle with the vertigo and at one point was frantic about finding an answer to it. I did go to my general doctor for a check up since the original visit. I told her I continue to have the vertigo and by what I have been told I have to wait it out. She did not seem to agree and proceeded to put me on Allegra D and Nascort for three days to see if it would help, which it did not. I was suppose to call her today to let her know how I was feeling which I did not. I am not sure if it is worth the hassle to continue to hope for an answer if there is not one. It has been SO difficult. If we are not feeling right don''t we all feel that we should have some reason for it? So here I sit, unable to do what I love and getting more and more frustrated. But today I decided to take a different approach. Since the verdict right now is that it will go away when it is darn ready to I must learn to live with it. So Saturday I drove to the grocery. I am not saying it is was easy but I am just adjusting to the way I move around in the world. The vertigo is not so bad that the room is spinning it just a weird rocking type motion, very hard to describe or explain. So today after Paul went to his breakfast group I decided to go and do the weekly shopping. It felt good to get my independence back yet frustrating to deal with this out of body experience. I got that done put the grocery away and decided that I miss so much pumping iron. Once Paul got home I told him that I wanted to lift weights, so being the kind man he is, he pulled out the work bench for me. As he was going for his walk I went down the basement and pumped some iron. It was great and sad at the same time. It felt good to get part of my life back but sad also because I have lost a lot of strength. I have been told the muscle memory comes back quickly so I can only hope that is true. It was nice to feel the burn in my pecs, triceps and shoulders. I was quite surprise how the heart got beating quickly lifting. So even got a little cardio benefit from the lift. I also drove over and got my nails done. I am hoping that maybe if I can learn to live with this condition that I will be good enough to get to training my clients next week. I guess the only thing that concerns me is to put my clients in any type of danger. I don't know how my reaction time would be if they had problems with a weight and that has what has made me step back from returning to the gym. My client safety and well being are always on the top of my list. So I continue to hope and pray this will pass and I can return healthy and ready to devote my undivided attention to my clients.
So I have surrender to the vertigo to some degree but have decided that it will not stop me from doing the best I can regardless. I will take picture and post them very soon.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The fluid continues

As you can see by the title that the drainage in the hip continues. I saw my surgeon yesterday and he drained about 20 cc and that was since the last time he drained it on Monday. I can only imagine what the drainage would be if I didn't have the vertigo going on. Because if I didn't have that going on I would be on the go by now. Could it be a blessing in disguise? That is what I am going to call it. I am scheduled to see him again on Friday. I looked at the hip today and it didn't like there was much if any fluid at the moment. But I am thinking of having Paul take me to Costco. I need to get out dizzy or not.
I decided to call the doctor about the continued vertigo. I was advised that I should take the Antivert that was prescribed that I have not taken. When I was in the hospital taking it I felt like it wasn't really helping with the symptoms. But at this point I am desperate and am willing to do or try anything. I am still hopeful that I will be able to return back to the gym on Monday. Keep my fingers crossed. The waiting is the most frustrating part. Because I feel great and when I am just sitting on the couch I feel "normal". I am so ready to get back to my life.
I will attempt to get some pictures taken. It has been three weeks from yesterday. Where does the time go?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Fog beginning to rise!!

I am hopeful today that the fog that I have been in almost a week is beginning to rise. Not sure if it is wishful thinking or if things are starting to turn around.

Yesterday my husband drove me to see my surgeon and I was able to keep my head up and look out the window with out getting nauseated. Is that progress? At this point I will take what ever relief I can get. The appointment went well but I continue to collect fluid in the left hip. Of course out came the big needle and inserted into the hip, thank goodness the hip is still pretty numb because it causes no pain. Since I had not seen him for almost a week there was quite a bit of fluid build up, 80 cc. He recommend that I fold up a hand towel and add additional pressure to that hip. The skin has not yet adhered like it needs to. I am scheduled to see him again on Wednesday.

As far as the vertigo, I am hopeful that things are improving. Yesterday I still felt like I was under a fog, the only way that I could described it is if anyone has taken Vicodin or any other narcotic it is the foggy feeling you get after taking it. I had that feeling most of the day. I still am struggling with my balance and I still need Paul's arm while walking. I was able to read a book last night so I felt like that was progress. It just looks like the progress with be slow but I am keep my head up and hopeful that it will get better by the end of the week. I still also have a feeling in the left ear like I have water or something in it. All I can say is after this passes I will have appreciation for the inner ear.

These past three weeks have bought both challenges and blessings. I believe had this not happened that I would not have had the opportunity to see all the wonderful people I have around me and all that I have truly been blessed with in my life. We take so much for granted. I know this experience will provide me with compassion for others going threw challenges in their lives. This experience has made me a better person.

I know once the Fog is gone that I will be able to jump back into my life and regain my strength and my food plan. Today I decided that I would begin with the eating plan I am going to attempt to get back on my game. I have put on about 10 to 15 pounds since the surgery. I know I am still retaining some water but I do not want that to be an excuse to not getting back into a healthy eating plan.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


I think the hardest part is not knowing when this feeling will end. I struggle with keeping my spirits up and be patient as I wait for this vertigo to subside. It has been hard to sit in self pity and depression. But I am strong and if anyone can get through this it will be me!!
It is hard to tell if it is getting better. I am able to get down the stairs and I made my oatmeal this morning by myself. I still have difficult with balance and I still have this weird "rock the boat feeling" most of the time.
I was talking to my neighbor who know someone who had this very same thing happen to her. I talked to her and it gave me a sense of peace. She was very helpful and gave me suggestions. She said that she had and MRI, did all these exercise and nothing seem to help. Her husband began to do some research on the Internet and came across this herb that is helpful with vertigo. She said she began taking it and it went away. She continues to take it to this day but it was the only thing that help. So I was hopeful that it would help me too. I had Paul pick it up yesterday and I began taking it. She did say it took about a week or two week before she started feeling better. But it gives me hope and that is something I need right now. Since the medicine they gave me at the hospital didn't seem to help. So I took my second dose today and I just wait it out.
I was hopeful that maybe I was going to feel good enough to head back to train clients on Monday but that doesn't look like it is going to happen. I text Dick yesterday letting him know what was going on. He said that he would take care of it and just focus on getting better. Anyone that know me, knows how difficult it is for me to let go of control. So I am having a difficult time letting this one go. But there really isn't anything I can do. And that is another thing that is difficult to except. There is nothing that I can DO to make this go away. I hate it! I am a doer, controller and fighter. I guess that it was my emotions have been so down. But today is a new day and I have to stay strong and positive and hope this goes away soon.
I want to say a special thanks to everyone who has and continues to pray for me. I know that our prayers were answered and this is just yet another detour in my road of life. Special thanks to Gale, Sue, Micaelea, Sue, Tristann, Debi and anyone else I might have forgotten to mention. Through this experience I have seen how truly blessed I have been to have such wonderful people surrounding me and supporting me. THANK YOU!!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

One Step forward Two steps back

It has been quite a few days since I posted and I have much to inform everyone on now where to begin?
Well as of the last post I was heading back to the gym to train my clients and I was eager to get
"back" into my life. I started my Tuesday morning early and got to the gym it was great to see my client and she had a great work out. But during the training session I was not feeling right. I and small episodes of feeling like I was going to pass out. Thinking maybe I just over did it or didn't quite have enough to eat I went out with my day. After training I planned to meet some girls for breakfast and headed out the door. I had several more episodes of the passing out feeling on my way to breakfast that freaked me out since I was behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. I ended up getting to the restaurant and order Orange Juice right away thinking it was low blood sugar. I visited with the girl but the meal didn't seem to help with the symptoms. I headed back to the gym since I had a new possible client I needed to meet. After meeting with her I went home not feeling the best. I ended up calling my surgeon thinking it had something to do with the surgery. He suggested drinking Gatorade and plenty of fluids thinking maybe my electrolytes where out of balance.
I woke up Wednesday morning feeling normal and had a great morning. I made my sons birthday cake, visit with girls at another place I worked out with and went with my husband to pick out a birthday gift for my son. I then had lunch and went to my surgeon for my check up. He ended up taking 30cc out of the left hip and all was good. We were talking and I began yet again with the "spells". I drove home, which was again a little frightening and frantically drank water thinking I wasn't getting enough fluid. I got home and drank a Gatorade. As we prepared and had my sons birthday dinner I began to feel worse. After dinner I headed to bed thinking maybe I was getting the fluid because I had this hazy feeling and a little nauseated. I layed down and feel asleep. I got up to go to the bathroom and the room was spinning and the nausea was terrible. I some how made it to the bathroom but ended up laying on the bathroom floor not knowing if I was going to vomit. I lay there for awhile and then litterly crawled to the bedroom door and called for my husband. He same to find me laying on the bedroom floor. I told him I was not feeling well and the room was spinning could he help me to bed. I still didn't think anything of it and thought I just had some bug. I got into bed and husband gave me a vomit bucket just in case. I text my client to say that I was not going to train her and went to bed. I slept well that night and in the morning I still continued to have a LOT of dizziness and nausea. It seemed to be better when I was lying flat. My husband came to my side with the lap top and start researching what might be going on. We both decided that it would be best if I made an appointment to see my regular doctor. We gave her a call and they fit me in to see her that morning. It was difficult for me to get from upstairs to downstairs to get to the car. I did it in stages. First downstairs, rest, get shoes on, rest, get up to the car, rest. The whole time
feeling very dizzy and nauseated. The only way I could handle the car ride was to have my head down in my hand with my eyes closed. Paul ended up getting a wheel car to get me into the doctors office there was no way that I was able to walk into the office. I continue to keep my head down and eyes closed. They got me into the doctor quite quickly. After taking my vitals I waited for the doctor. She was in the room quite quickly and her look of concern for me some how comforted me knowing some one was going to take care of me. I explained what was going on and she proceed to look at my incision to make sure there was no signs of infection. She said the scar looked beautiful. She was very concerned because my blood pressure was quite low when I got to her office, 80/60. I was not confident in that number since the nurse had taken my blood pressure with my fleece coat on. I explained that to her and asked if she could take it again. Lying down it was 115/66 I was feeling better about that number. She then asked if I could sit up and take it again. It was difficult to sit up but I was able to do it. The blood pressure went down to 100/60. The look of concern in her face worried me. She explained that she was concerned for me being that I was normally healthy women to be in this type of condition. She felt that it was necessary that I go to the hospital. Of course my initial reaction was I can't go to the hospital my husband isn't working and we don't have the best health insurance right now. We can't afford this. But I decided letting go of the control. I told her that she was the doctor and that what ever she felt was in my best interested I would do. So I would be admitted to the hospital for 23 hours observation. The admitting diagnosis was hypo tension with vertigo. My initial reaction was that I was dehydrated and that what was causing all this.
So off to the hospital we went. I got to the hospital and had to go to admitting. I figured since the doctor called ahead that it would be no time that I would be settled in a bed. You have to remember it was VERY difficult for me to be in a seated position with the dizziness and nauseated. So there we sat my husband as we waited to buzz us. As the time went on and the longer I sat the more frustrated and angry I got. I could hear people around me being buzzed and helped. I was sick, dizzy and thirsty. I just wanted to lay down. I began having a lot of verbal frustration being spoken. My husband poor guy comforted me the best he can. After what seem hours I was buzzed, registered and brought to my room . I had sat over an hour waiting for a room.. Ridiculous!! Then the long day began.
After the initial assessment from the nurse it seems like several hours before I received my IV fluids. You have to remember I figured I was just dehydrated and I need fluids. I figured once I got the IV fluids that I would begin to feel better and be able to go home the next day. It took several hours before the IV fluids were started which again was very frustrating. Then begin the blood work and tests. They began with a blood draw the first one was for basic blood panel (CBC, complete blood count). This would tell them if I had low blood count, dehydrated, infection, etc. The attending doctor came to ask me question, look at my incision and give me a small exam. After she left I was informed by the nurse that the doctor had ordered a CT scan. Of course my initial reaction was based on our current financial situation, I don't want this do I need it. I thought I was just dehydrated. I began to panic that something was seriously wrong with me . I agreed to the test. Paul left to go home, check on the kids and get something to eat he would be back later. I kissed him good by and went down for the test. I arrived back in my room ate what they called food, (It was terrible) and rested. Paul returned and waited. I was not feeling any better with the fluids and my anxiety about what was wrong with me began to rise. At about 9:00 pm the nurse came to me saying the doctor ordered an MRI and I would be going down at 9:30. I agreed and Paul kissed me good by and left for the night. I began to pray a lot asking God to watch over me and keep me safe. The emotions were beginning to rise and it took everything I had to keep it together. I had the MRI and was back into my room at 10:30 pm. I was exhausted it was a long day and I wanted to rest. The room mate that I had was gone and I was looking forward to a nice quiet night of sleep. If any of you have been in a hospital that is almost impossible. I was resting nicely and close to sleep when at 11:15 a person came to get blood the doctor had order a cardiac enzyme test. I felt saying can I just f****** sleep!! He took the blood and I asked if he could close the door behind him. Finally sleep!! I feel asleep quickly but to be woken up at 12:00 by the night nurse to take my vitals and to give me a sleeping pill I had requested earlier. I took the pill and back to sleep I went. I was sleeping SO good to be woken up yet again by a room mate that was wheeled into the room at 3:15 am. You have to be kidding me.... Not sure at what point I feel back asleep but was woken up again at 6:00 by yet another blood draw, this one for thyroid and B12 levels. At this point I stayed awake order breakfast and waited. At this point my emotions were at full force and I could no longer control them. I began to cry and cry a lot. I was scared, frightened and alone. What was wrong with me? I am the healthiest I have been in my life it had to be something really bad! I continue to prayer to God for the strength I needed. The neurologist came in around 9:30 and did a short exam on me. She explained that all the test came back normal. I cried again I was so releaved to hear the news that I didn't have a brain tumor or something very bad!! They decided that I had something called Benign Positional Vertigo. There was no real known cause for it and that it normally would resolve anywhere from two days to 2 weeks. It was the best news I heard all day. Paul arrived about 10:15 and we waited yet again. The intern doctor would need to see me before I could be released. So we waited, and waited and waited. At this point I just wanted to go home to my bed so that I could get the rest I needed. The doctor did not show about until about 1:30. Explained all the result and that some occupational therapist would be by to show me some exercise that I needed to do at home. I requested that I wanted to go home and to get the paper work going. It sounded like they wanted me to stay but I felt I could get better care and rest at home. I was shown the exercised I needed to do, got dressed and was finally going home.
Paul asked on the way home what was the first thing I wanted to do. I said I NEED a shower. I got home and he helped me shower and get nice clean PJ's on. I crawled into bed and slept. There is NO place like home! I slept for several hours. Paul assisted me downstairs had some dinner, I was STARVING!! No diet here I ate whatever I wanted. After being up for awhile and visted my kids I went to bed for much needed rest.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Almost Two weeks out!

I am close to two weeks out from surgery and I am feeling really good. I saw my doctor today and there continue to be a build up of fluid in the left hip area. I was poked with a needle so that he could extracted blood. He was able to get about 60 cc out. Not to bad since it was Friday that the drain was removed. I was a little concerned of how painful it was going to be having a needle jabbed in my hip. But I have not admit it was not painful at all. The incision continues to heal nicely and Paul continues to apply a product the doctor gave me to put on the incision. I got the ok to go back to work and plan on training my client tomorrow. I am looking forward to getting back to my life. I will see how it goes. I have strict orders not to be demonstrating or lifting any of the weight for my clients. I believe I have about two week of this before I can gradually start doing more. I am schedule to see the doctor again on Wednesday.
I also mentioned to the doctor that I jumped on the scale and was disturbed by the number. His first question was "Why did you jump on the scale?" It is what I do it the only way sometimes I feel like I have control of my weight. But I guess the truth came out when I admitted that I had been eating my share of chocolate. He also reassured me that a lot of the weight is from fluid . My response was, "That much?" He said there is quite a bit of fluid in the cells in the body and they swell and retain fluid. Not sure if I was happy he said that or not. But I have to keep it all in perspective this does not give me to go code to eat crap. I need to continue to focus on providing my body with good quality food that it needs to heal. And for those chocolates? Well I finished those yesterday and don't plan on having anymore come back into the house for awhile.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Visit to the Gym!

It was great to be among the sweat and people pumping iron yesterday at the gym. But I wasn't quite prepared on how it would affect me later. It was great seeing everyone again but yet things just didn't quite feel the same. It was difficult sitting watching the girls do a great leg work out yesterday and not to be able to participate. I know, I know I will be back there before I know it but it doesn't make it easy right now.
I also wasn't quite prepared how much that would drain me. I came home to eat my chicken salad and proceeded to eat anything and everything in sight. And of course with that came every emotion in the book. I talked to my dear friend Gale and she began to help me get a grip on things. Things are not the same right now and you can't expect to eat like you did before the surgery. Your body is healing itself. SIGH.... Yes I do know all this is true but how do I truly be at peace with that right now? Maybe that means staying off the scale and attempting to focus on whole good food for my body.
So I wake up this morning focusing on providing my body with what it needs right now and when the time is right I will get back the body and the eating that I had before the surgery. And as far as the body goes it will look even better than before you can count on that!!
A big hug and a thank you , thank you goes out to Gale!! She has been my rock on this food battle I have each and every day and with out her I don't know where I would be. Love you Gale!!
The sun is shining and it looks like its going to be a beautiful day. When the boys get up and eat breakfast we will head out to help my brother with his last bit of heavy things to move into his new home. I will be sitting on the side lines bossing everyone around.