Monday, February 28, 2011

Breath Of Fresh Air

As I was riding home on the train this morning the sun began to shine! It was so wonderful to see. I have to admit I was getting tired of dreary days! So I knew what I was going to do when I got home. As soon as I arrived home went to the bathroom, laced of the sneakers, put the lease on the dog and we were off! Although it wasn't very warm out it felt SO good to be in the sun. I was feeling so good that I decided to take the longer route today. We went about four miles in less than 60 minutes! It was fabulous and I can't wait for spring.

When hubby and I were out grocery shopping this weekend I had remember I saw this wonderful gem at Whole Foods

I have seen them in the blog world and when I saw it I knew I just had to have it. So I casually told hubby about it. He was sweet enough to drop by Whole Foods. I didn't realize it was going to be quite so expensive and I wasn't sure he was going to be so willing to spend that much. But as you can see I have it! I really like it because it is glass there is just something about drinking out of plastic that isn't quite as appealing.

Well I finally decided to make something new tonight for dinner. After my walk and eating lunch I decided to whip this dish up so that it could marinate while I was off to Yoga. And this is what was waiting for me after a nice Yoga session.
I wasn't quite sure how it was going to be when I put it together but it was quite delicious and quite filling too.
It some time is nice not having hubby here so that I can experiment with new eats. I am sure he would not have given this one a taste.

I served it along with some steamed Kale that I sprinkle with a little bit of seasoned rice vinegar. It was absolute perfect. I may have had a little more after this was gone.
I got this recipe from the 21 days kickstart program that PCRM (physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine) does a couple times a year. I have never actually followed the whole 21 day program but I did print all the recipes and menus.
Hoppin' John Salad
Makes about 10 1/2 cup servings
2 cups cooked blacked-eyed peas, or 1 15 ounce can black-eyed peas, drained
1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice
1/2 cup finely sliced green onions
1 celery stalk, thinly sliced (about 1/2 cup)
1 tomato, diced
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 -2 garlic cloves, crushed
Combine black-eyed peas, rice, green onions, celery, tomato, and parsley in a mixing bowl. In a small bowl, mix together lemon juice, oil, salt, and garlic and pour over the salad. Toss gently. Chill 1 to 2 hours if time permits
It was fabulous! I really liked it and I can't wait to have it again tomorrow for lunch. (one bad thing about being the only one that eats it) A lot of left overs and I don't like to waste left overs.
I received something very special in the mail today and I can't wait to show you. But it will have to wait until tomorrow since I want it to have a grand entrance!
Also would like to share with a few new books I have been reading that I have found quite interesting. But it is getting late and 5:00 am comes quite early and a girl needs her beauty sleep. So until tomorrow..... Have a great evening!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Just Breath

I must remain calm and focus on my breathing and know that everything will be all right. I made the "HUGE" mistake of getting on the scale today. I am still in shock and not sure yet what to do with the information. I have not weighed this much in quite some time. I am disappointed, confused and so much more. I truly have felt like I have been on the right path, The binges are almost nonexistent. I continue to feed my body with non processed foods. I have almost completly cut out white sugar and white flour. So what am I doing wrong?
So what do I do with this information? Do I just hope that eventually it will turn around? Do I go back into my controlling ways? Or do I continue to be loving and kind to my body and wait and see?
Although in the past I have wanted to take control immediately and make it better but as I sit here and think has it truly served me? I know I am so much more than a number on the scale but some how I wished that if I chose wisely what i put in my body that I could have it all. I could have a body that I could be content with and enjoy all the wonderful foods I love.
I sit here not even quite sure what move to make next. I feel like some times you can learn so much more in just the silence to just sit with it. So that is what I am choosing to do. I am not going frantically to another diet full of restrictions and exercise I am going to sit with peace and pray that I can find "MY" way. I will continue to listen to my body and my soul and know what it right for me. And if my body chooses to be heavier but yet peaceful and content then I want to embrace it.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Eats and Emotions

Always start out with a positive right? Let's talk about my dinner yesterday. I just got done reading a book called "Veganist" by Kathy Freston and she had recommend Gardein as a transition food if you are considering gradually reducing the amount of animal meat you eat. When I saw this at Meijer I knew I had to get it. I had cooked a little of it last week in some spaghetti sauce and hubby said it wasn't too bad. So when trying to figure out dinner last night I thought I would incorporate it into dinner.

I cooked some onion and garlic in a little oil and then diced this "chicken" in to pieces added it to the onions and also added some black beans since I didn't think two pieces was going to be enough. I added cumin and some tomato sauce and let it simmer. I put this filling inside some low carb tortilla and topped it off with some homemade enchilada sauce and some vegan cheddar cheese. Cover with tin foil and baked at 400 degrees for 25 minutes.

I didn't think it looked to bad but I have gotten use to this way of eating since I haven't eaten meat, cheese or dairy for quite some time. I think my husband had other feelings.

Since it was late by the time my husband came home I had eat a salad earlier to keep me tied over until he got home so I had two of these for dinner. Hubby said it was ok but would much rather have really cheese. sigh....I guess I just keep trying with him. Some how dinner didn't feel complete with out dessert tonight.
So I made hubby and me each on of these.....

I saw this on Averie's site and I have tried several of her other recipes and this was quite and easy so I had to give it a try. It did not disappoint. The recipe is as follows:
1 mashed banana
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/4 cup brown sugar
optional: 1 tb cocoa, 1 tb coconut flakes, 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tb chia seed
For hubbys he had everything but the chia seeds he doesn't care for those. For me I had used brown rice syrup instead of the brown sugar and i forgot to put the chia seeds in. I thought it was perfect!
You just mix it together spray a bowl with nonstick spray put the mix in the bowl and cook for 2-4 minutes in the microwave! It is wonderful when you are just needing a little something. Fabulous.
That was yesterday today was a totally different day. I had to remind myself that this blog I was going to keep it real and that is what I intend to do. Today has been a very emotional day and I comforted myself with food. I am not happy about I know beating myself about it will not change it and I have to move forward the best I can. Did I fill my body with crap? No I can be proud of myself for that. Did I fill my body with so much food that I was sick and wanted to throw up? ( I have done that in the past) no. Was I able to stop before I was to full? yes So in doing this small check on myself I can walk away knowing that I did the best that I could and that I should be proud of myself for how really far I have come. It wasn't too long ago that I would have eaten to the point that I wanted to die reaching for any thing and everything I could. I am growing I am learning. It may not be at a pace that I want to but I must be kind and loving to myself knowing that I am moving forward every so slowly?
Are you an emotional eater? Have you use any strategies that maybe helpful when dealing with emotional eating? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Universe Speaks?

Have you ever thought that the universe can send you messages? Kind of like Karma? For example you start thinking about some one and then they call you or you have a night where you question why you are even on this earth and then the next morning you get two emails that prove you wrong. This is exactly what happened to me today. Yesterday my cycle began and with it came the wonderful emotions. Wonder why these emotions can't be positive? I sat home alone feeling down and out having the question "What am I doing with my life do I have a purpose?" This morning I received and up lifting email check in from Abby which was nice to receive and the other.... From Sheri, someone I didn't know existed until today. She had come across my blog and decided to drop me a note. Sheri I am sure you don't even realize by doing that one small thing how much it impacted me. When I started this blog it was just going to be a place that I could come to write my thoughts but little did I know that someone would want to read them. I guess I was wrong. I really enjoyed blogging so why did I stop? I guess once I realized that others where going to read it and I visited other blog mine seems so insignificant. I began judging my blog against others and with it sucked all the joy out of it. I guess that has happen in a lot of the endeavors I have attempted. My own fears have stopped me from doing things that I enjoy. What a wonderful realization. I can continue to pick and choose how I want to do things and if it people joy it wonderful if not that's ok too.
So I want to blog again. I love food and health which I could talk about for hours. Ask my poor husband, mmm maybe that is why he took a job that he is only home four days out of the week.
I plan on sharing some of the wonderful eat I have been enjoying and some of the soul searching I have been doing these days. It seems a lot of us women are heading down the same path: peace, happiness and self acceptance. There is a huge community of wonderful women in the blog world to support each and everyone of us on our journey if we are willing to reach out and share our experiences and a words of support. Who knew that one small email could make such a significant impact one someone? I know it happened to me.
Tonights dinner I made Vegan enchiladas. Not sure how the hubby will like this one but I was pretty proud of myself kind of winged it and put it together so I am excited to see how they turned out. I will post details of the dinner tomorrow.
Thanks for reading and inspiring me to continue on my every winding road. As we know roads are not straight and smooth there are many detours, dumps, curves etc... But the ride can be filled with wonderful things to see and people to meet along the way.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Rambling Thoughts

I realized today on my walk outdoors (the weather is almost 50) that I have a lot of stuff going on in my mind and thought the best way is to get them all out to see. This post is not filled with facts but only the inner thought of my mind.

As many of you have followed my blog know of my journey. But at this point in my life I have to admit I am just plan old tired. Tired of the constant worries of what and what not to eat, how long and how hard to do cardio and how heavy and how many reps to lift. I am simply just plan tired. I am tired of pushing myself which in return has only in some ways pulled me even further away from a sense of peace in my life. I am ready for peace, content and joy. I think at some point on my journey my focus when wrong. At some point it became no longer about Kathi. I am ready now to love Kathi and that may be softer, larger , smaller..etc... I don't know and this point I am starting to only strive for a sense of peace. A peace that I am ok at this very moment because I am exactly has god intended me to be.

Another struggle I have been facing is finding a way to financial help my family. I am currently in a job that provides very little joy for me and part of me realize it but feels like there is no way out. Since my husband lost his job almost three years ago life definately has changed and not all for the worse. But it has also brought about additional stresses on our relationship. My husband had to take a job that wasn't ultimately a job that he loves but took it in order to help support his family. With this job he only is home three days out of the week. Although I consider myself a very independent women it does take its toll. I know that I have SO much to offer and share from my experiences and the passions that I have but the big question I continue to fall back on is how can I make a living at it? Its frustrating and I feel frozen. I realize that is not the type a person I am, I am doer but why does this one seem so much more difficult? I continue to brainstorm with Abby, my wellness coach and she has been a tremendous sense of support for me. But ultimately I have to be the one to do the work. I am so ready to live a full filled life and that will include doing some thing that I love. I have decided that I will keep my nursing license current and active and I do hope that some facility may considering hiring at some point. Little did I know that the fall I experience almost eight years ago would have such a impact on a career that I enjoyed.

I also want to increase my social support. I have a few wonderful and dear friend and I am grateful for them in my life but I feel like I have limited myself from others that could provide some much additional joy into my life. I have given great thought to starting a meet up group in my area for vegans. I want it to be called vegan 101 and it would be for new vegan or people considering the life style or just interested in learning more about it. If any one has any thought or idea on this I would love to hear them.

It feels good to have written just this small portion of what is going on in my mind. If doing this bring a small sense of peace for me it was well worth writing.