Home Safe and Sound!

My son arrived home safe and sound from his trip to Germany on Tuesday. It has been a pretty busy week. We are now getting him ready to head off to college on August 5th.

I believe this picture are from Lucerne. He had a great time and Iam so glad that we are able to send him on this once in a life time trip. He took tons of pictures and I am so grateful!

My husband and I joke that he left on the trip a boy and came back a man. Could this been from all the beer he drank?

The last few days have been full of emotion for not only me but I think for all of us. You raise your kids and when they are little you are always wanting them to grow up. You want them to roll over, sit up, walk ,talk, go to school.... But little do you realize by doing this the time will come that it is time for them to leave the nest. Although you know one day it will come I don't think you are every quite ready.

I know that my husband and I have done a great job and he will do well out in the world. I guess the sad part is that once he leave it will be different when he returns.

He will "always" be my little boy and I couldn't be prouder!

Control, Trust and Confident

I have been aware that I like to be in control and throw the word around quite often. Today I i decided to look actually look up its meaning.

Control
1. To exercise authority or dominating influence over , direct, regulate
2. To hold in restraint, check
3. To verify or regulate (a scientific experiment) by conducting a parallel experiment or by comparing with some other standard.
4. To verify(an account, for example) by using a duplicate register for comparison.

I was so blessed to discuss my current situation with my trainer with a "dear" friend (Gale). Today I am grateful for her ability to bring to my awareness what possible be going on. I don't think I would have seen it with out her insight. After looking up the definition of "control" it is very clear to me what could be happening. I have total fear of releasing "control" of my training to my trainer. For the last 24 hours I can say that I have been comparing with other standards, by looking up stuff on the Internet and talking to others to build evidence to myself that I ""must" keep the control. How does this serve me? How can I grow and trust if I constantly want the control?
With this brought up another interesting point, trust.

Trust:
1. confidence in the integrity, ability, character and truth of a person
2. One in which confidence is placed.

I think I equate trust with fulfilling my expectations and loyalty. I believe I throw the word trust around to test if people care about me... enough. But ultimately, it isn't anyonelses responsibility to make sure all my needs are take care of . The only person in charge is me. Why would I expect others to think of me first when I can't even do that for myself? And I believe this finally boils down to confident.

Confident:
1. marked by assurance as of success
2. marked by confidence in oneself
3. very bold, persumptious

Being confident is the ultimate victory to self acceptance, self worth and overall contentment and joy in our lives. In order to truly build confidence you must take risks, and they are not always very comfortable. But isn't being a "little" uncomfortable worth it? I choose yes!!

So I choose to release my control and begin to trust the process. I am handing over this to my trainer.
In the end I will stand confident in myself because I did!

Day 1 complete!

This morning I was eager to get this diet started. I decided that my eating schedule will be 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm. I woke up this morning and cooked up my first meal. 3 egg whites, one whole egg, 1 serving of oatmeal, 1 tsp flaxseed meal and splenda. I like cooking this all together you get a nice big bowl of oatmeal. No complaints at all with this meal. Love it!

10 am I had this. I had never had this before and I picked it up at Costco. Has 30g of Protein and it tasted quite good. I had this before we head over to a get together put on by the Truman State University Alumni for Illinois student who would be attending Truman this year. It was nice to be able to see others students, parents and also to asked the alumni some questions. We were sorry that our son was not able to attend with us. I started getting pretty hungry about 12:30 and was happy that my husband wanted to stopped by Best Buy before heading home. I was able to keep my mind off the fact that I was pretty hungry.

Came home and made up a nice big chicken salad. I cooked the chicken up in some homemade taco seasoning that I make that has not salt. I have always enjoyed this salad won't have a problem eating this either. I had a very productive after noon. I made some oatmeal cookies, and a dinner for one of our neighbors. He was kind enough to come over yesterday and help my husband with our sons car. Since he is a divorce guy living alone I thought it would be nice to make a meal. So I cooked up some oatmeal raisin cookies, pork tenderloin wrapped in bacon and rice with peas. He was surprised when I rang his door bell with dinner. Sure hope he enjoys it!! I loved doing it so it was no big deal to me. Hubby and I went to the store and got grocery for the week and when we got back it was time for meal number #4.

My girlfriend called and we caught up on things and before I knew it meal #5 for was here.

Since I need to have three fish meals a week I thought I would have them on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. So I cooked up some tilipia with lemon pepper seasoning in a nonstick skillet spray with cooking spray and had salad with ranch dressing.

My belly is happy and I have a few more things to do before I can rest for the evening. I was hoping to make some ice cream cookies for my son when he comes back on Tuesday. Tomorrow my day is full and I won't have time to make them so I was hoping to be able to do that tonight. I have my book group tomorrow and I need to read over the chapter and answer the question so I am prepared. I also need to make sure that all my meals are in place for me tomorrow.

So I am out of here to getting things in order. It was a great first day and I am feeling good.

I am also going to try to get hubby to take some picture tonight and hope to post them tomorrow.

Effort!

Below the picture it states, "Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second"



I saw this on Sandrelle's blog I read and I thought it was so appropriate for my journey. It was exactly what I needed to read. She also had this quote which I thought was so fitting:

"To experience real growth, you need to push yourself to the edge -- without going over. It's stretching yourself a bit further than you're used to, just past the point of comfort and into the wide-open space of the unknown. Nerve wracking? A little. Worth it? Absolutely. Because only then will you discover what your body and your spirit are truly capable of ... And if is more than you had ever dreamed." Fitness magazine 2003

I can't thank her enough for posting it. I will refer to this quote often. We just got back from eating and I am SO full and a little bloated but I think it put me in a good mind set for tomorrow. We ran to the store and got my seven gallon of distilled water so I am ready to go. It feels good to have a plan and have everything in place to make it happen.

I have let the people know what I am doing so that will have the support I to get through this. I plan on doing this plan as any figure competitor would who gets ready to do a show. 12 weeks!

Last Fling!!

I got up this morning had my eggs and decided to go over to the farmers market before my training session. I picked up lettuce, green beans, raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes and dill garlic pickles.
I was a little nervous about my training session today but I felt like it went well. I am use to him doing a lot of talking and we didn't do much of that which was fine by me. I am there to train not talk. I felt good about it. I received the diet that I will be living on. So I decided today will be the "last fling" I feel like I need to get my mind right going into. If this is what I truly want I have to prove it by doing it.
I went to Costco and got my supplies and all I have to do is get 7 gallons of distilled water.

This is how the diet will go:

Meal 1: 4 eggs whites and one yolk
1 serving of oatmeal with tsp of flax
Meal 2: 35g protein shake
Meal 3: 5 ounces of chicken
romaine lettuce with ranch dressing
Meal 4: 35g protein shake
Meal 5: 6 ounces of chicken
romaine lettuce with ranch dressing

multi vitamin 2-3 times a day
one gallon of distilled water each day
3 times a week Meal 5 will be changed to fish
Do exactly as written and no cheats

This is the plan. I have to get my mind in the game. I have to prove that I am in the game and that will be shown by how well I hold my end of the bargain.
I have had quite a few treats today and I am going to have hubby take me dinner tonight and maybe a ice cream cone. I just need to clear everything out of my mind. I don't have to start really until Monday but I think I will start tomorrow.
I will need TONS of support and I am plan on writing very truthfully how I am feeling each and every day. It will be good to look back on and keep me motivated to keep pushing forward. Not everyone can do what I am attempting to do if I can make it through this one I can say I truly made it! I am excited and nervous at the same time. I have conquered so much already this will just be the icing on the cake.
I plan on taking pictures tomorrow so I can show my starting point. Weight may be up tomorrow but I am OK with that. Because it is down from there!
Thank to everyone in advance for supporting through this final leg of my journey.

New Journey!

Although my trainer has not given me the diet that I am going to follow I thought I would start converting over. I have followed his diet in the past and I pretty much know how it going to go. I got up early so that I could get my eating schedule in place: 6 am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. I started off with a protein shake made with Pro Complex and 8 ounces of Almond Breeze.

I decided that I would tackle cleaning out the refrigerator and begin preparing for my new eating plan. So I tossed things that needed to be tossed and things that I knew that I would not be eating any time soon and no one else in house would either. The refrigerator looks sparkly clean and it was way over due. 900 am came before I knew it and I cook up myself one egg and 4 whites along with a medium apple.

Time seem to fly today and before I knew it 1200 was here and I was ready for meal three. I reheated the last of the salmon that I had last night with some fresh green beans I picked up from the farmers market yesterday topped with a little Molly Mcbutter. I doubt that this will be something that will be allowed on the new program but I did enjoy it today. Met my friend, Diane, over at the gym and we trained chest, shoulders and triceps. We had a great work out and it was nice getting caught up on things. After the work out I had a Whey protein Nectar shake and I hit the elliptical for 30 minutes of cardio. My client cancelled tonight so I was able to head home early.

Dinner tonight was a taco chicken salad on green lettuce that I had picked up at the farmers market along with 2 tablespoon of ranch dressing. I have to admit I really have missed meat and it was nice to having it again. I snacked on a few dill pickles and will have another protein shake at 900.

Today was a good way to get back in the game. I am not official in the game until Monday but the scale was up a few pounds and I want to make sure I am at least 152 at the gym going into Monday. I was 154 today. I believe that goal we are shooting for is 135 or so.

I saw my trainer at the gym today and it felt slightly weird from our conversation yesterday. We didn't say much to each other and it made me feel real uneasy. This could just be the fact that I am not use to addressing my need and desires and worried that he will hold it against me or retaliate in some way. I know that should weird but that is how I feel. I train with the group tomorrow and I am slightly nervous to see how I will be treated. I know that if I feel anyway mistreated or singled out I need to stick up for myself and say that it is not appropriate. I guess I will cross that bridge if it happens. I need to continue to remind myself, although he is a great trainer and well know he is NOT the only trainer. And I deserve to be treated with respect and if I don't feel that way and can not get resolution that I have to the right and should leave.

I am not the same person I was a few month ago and I feel strong in what I need to do for me if it comes down to it! I deserve the best and look forward to this new journey to the finish line!

Relief!!

I was a total wreck going into my meeting with my trainer today but it seemed to get much easier as the conversation went along. I am so RELIEVED! And proud of the stance I took on my own behalf. I ended up ordering a roasted veggie sandwich and eating half during our meeting and then the rest when I returned home. I wanted to eat everything in sight to reduce the all the feeling that were going inside of me. Although I may have eaten more I was able to pick all the right thing. Grapes, nuts and raisins.

Look very closely at my dinner tonight... Do you see anything different? If you guess the salmon on my plate you are correct. We had a very heart to heart talked today at lunch and I had to very specific on what I wanted. I want more definition, look like I could compete and I just want to see all my hard work in the gym displayed in front of me to see. That will take dedication and I believe I am ready to take that last step in my journey.

I respect my trainer he has trained many that have competed and won he does know what he is doing and I have to trust him and give my training and diet over to him if this is what I truly say that I want. I do, I truly do and that will include meat protein into my diet and I am OK with that. So tonight I began reintroducing meat into my diet. Tonight I had some Salmon Roulette for dinner.

A side of steamed broccoli with Molly McButter

and it was finished off with some whole wheat couscous. A great and satisfying dinner and I am quite full and content both emotional and physically.

This was a very rewarding day for me in a lot of way and for that I am proud. I have moved from a place of not being able to tell people what I need to having the confidence to say it. I felt like I was honest and direct and that he both heard me and respect what I was saying. Now the true test will be iin how he will react from here. Will I see more dedication on his part? I owe him the benefit of the doubt.

He will be writing my program and giving it to me on Saturday. I will begin on Monday with a new dedication to finish up this journey I have been traveling! The diet, weighing and training all will begin to make that happen. I can't say that from here on out that my food will be so exciting to see but if you want to come along for the last part of my journey your more than welcome to come along for the ride. I plan on taking pictures and posting them to document the beginning of the end! I am both excited and terrified because I have been on this diet before it is not exciting and can be difficult but I believe I have had a nice four month rest and ready to do it!

Day of Risk!

I worried going to bed last night that I would have difficulty sleeping with the big day of risk ahead of me. But I wa quite surprised that I slept quite well. I had considered oatmeal this morning but ultimately decided on a omelet. I wasn't sure what kind of choices I would have at lunch today and thought I would keep reserve my carbs for that just in case.

I had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun-dried tomatoe and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. Yummy! A nice size omelet and quite fillings.

I continue to remind myself that with self growth must come risk and risk is not fun but worth it in the end. I will feel happy for it in the end.

Fabulous Day!!

Lately I have been hungry for eggs so I have been having them. This morning I scrambled one egg and four whites with a little garlic powder and basil. Yummy! I think I have been shorting myself on protein and this may be a cause for my craving.

I had a super busy morning and very productive. I finally went down to the clerks office and filed my DBA (do business as) and then I ran to the newspaper to put in an ad since this is part of the requirement for a DBA. That will run in Fridays paper and the next three weeks and then it will be done. I also ran to Staples and am having them run off 25 copies of my personal chef brochure that my husband and I designed. Ran to Home Goods for some new frying pan and to the bank. By the time I got home I was hungry so I snacked on some grapes as I fried up my veggie burger in my "new" frying pan!!

It was a fabulous lunch but when I went to Costco I looked up the nutritional fact on the veggies burgers and there is not nearly enough protein in them. I am glad I know that and can add another protein source when I eat them. But it was delicious and I enjoyed every bite. I am not sure if I have told anyone that I submitted my success story to Clean Eating Magazine. I did this a week or so ago and they contacted me about getting a better before picture which I was happy to forward. I got an email today asking if i was interested in having them feature me in their magazine. I was thrilled and quickly responded. I received another email saying that a writer would be contacting me and that I should find addition before and after pictures. Can you believe it? Honestly I never found my story that special. I just figured there are other people that have lost a weight and did it under difficult circumstance I wasn't the only one. This is just my thinking. But I am thrilled with the opportunity and hopeful that they will hope it is worth printing. I will keep you posted on that.

I was to meet my client at the gym so I ate a banana before heading over to the gym. Unfortunately, she had to cancel as I was in route to the gym. I headed to Costco instead since I was out that way. I had a lot of difficulty not wanting to pick up something wonderful to eat the whole way home. I browsed the whole store thinking about what I would buy but in the end I just couldn't do it. I knew what every I choose to buy would be eaten and not just a small amount probably the whole container. I opened the gum and chomped on that until I got home.

While I prepared my dinner I eat some raisins. I had barbecue tofu, kale and sweet potato fries. I still didn't quite feel satisfied so I ate a pretty big portion of almonds. I know feel happy and satisfied.

I decided to be brave and talk face to face with my trainer tomorrow. This is a HUGE step for me. I have been happy with my training session with him and have felt guilty about saying something. I guess for all these years of being heavy I never felt that I was worthy of saying what I needed. I have talked to a few great friends (Kim , Kim, Amy and Gale) and my husband and I just bite the bullet and texted him. Instead of working out with him tomorrow I will be meeting with him for lunch. He is a very busy guy and this is pretty much the only way I can get him alone one on one. I an very nervous but proud of myself for making this step. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say or how I am going to say it but I hope the words will come tomorrow.

Discover

It has been nice to get back to the "me" diet. I am starting to feel some what better about being able to make my "own" choices on what I am going to eat instead of finding something someone else says I should eat. For lunch was the perfect example. I decided to make a "me" taco salad for lunch.

Fresh green lettuce I got from the farmers market, little bit of 2% cheese, TVP flavored with homemade taco seasoning topped with a little reduce fat sour cream and salsa. Yummy! A nice filling lunch before my workout. We work on back and biceps today. It was a pretty good work out but I still feel like I could be challenge more since I'm rarely sore after my work outs. But do I have to be sore in order to say I got a good workout?

After my workout I had a banana and a Nectar whey protein isolate shake. I am trying to focus on getting a little more protein in these days. I did 30 minutes of cardio left the gym and did the grocery shopping for the week. Since my son is on his trip to Germany it was odd just buying a small amount of groceries but I can definitely get use to the total $45. I was in the neighborhood of my dear friend Gale so I stopped by for a nice chat. I miss talking with her and she always has such great insight into what I am going through and something I truly treasure about her. Thanks Gale!

Unfortunately, I was pretty hungry when I got home and that doesn't every work out to my advantage. Hubby and I prepared his dinner so I snacked on blueberries and nuts while we did that. Once his dinner was complete it was on to mine. I decided on having a omelet. It was really good. It had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun dried tomatoes and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. It was really good but I did eat it way to quickly and was searching for more.

I had a few more almonds, raisins and whatever else I could find. Thank goodness we don't care much junk in the house anymore. So I am being OK with the "little" food binge. I still think I might have a little frozen banana ice cream for dessert but I will play that one by hear.

Not sure if anyone knows but I have considered doing a figure competition. This is something I have thought about a while back and it has come into my mind again recently. I emailed a couple that does figure consulting and I am eager to set something up with them. I am looking forward to hearing their honest opinion about me. My body has been through the ringer and has the scar and wrinkles to show but if they feel like I can do it what do I have to lose. I have come so far what is wrong with taking it one step further. As most people know me I love a challenge and this may be something I could really use. Something to focus all my energy into. I it so exciting to continue to discover what I am made of and what I can truly do with my body and mind.

Pondering

I woke up this morning to this delicious breakfast!! Can you name it? LOL! I can't help it this one I just love and enjoy every last bite of it.

For the last two night for dinner I have had this. It was so good and I didn't feel guilty one bit have to nice size bowls of it. Spaghetti squash with veggie crumble marinara. Yummy! Last night I went to make a batch and since I had left over squash to eaten. I went to the freeze and could not locate the veggie crumble. I was frantic and could not locate any. After first I thought I was going to have to resort to something else when a thought came in to my mind: why don't I use the TVP I have in the cabinet. (Textured vegetable Protein) It work out great and I actually like it better than the crumble I bought from the store so I think I am going to use this more often.

To make the marinara:

2 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup veggie "sausage style" crumble

1 Tb Italian seasoning

1 glove of garlic

1 cup crushed tomatoes

1 Tb balsamic vinegar

heat oil in pan and saute garlic, Italian seasoning and crumble or about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes and balsamic vinegar and cook an additional minute or so.

Yummy! I have also used this on top of polenta as I am sure you could put it on top of any whole wheat pasta.

Now that I think about it I may used this TVP to make some kind of sloppy Joe. Sounds good!!

As you can see by my post title, Pondering I have had a lot of stuff on my mind and not sure what road or step I want to make. First: Haven't quite decided what my eating "style' is going to be. I am hoping to up the protein grams but haven't quite figured out how I want to do that at this point. But like my dear friend Gale has said that is what is so great about maintenance you have an opportunity to pick it and there is a lot of different ways to do it. So I am keeping that in my mind as I experiment.

Two: Have thought about changing trainers. This one is a very heart wrenching for me and I am having a great deal of difficult with it. I did go over to another gym yesterday and talked with the owner/trainer. The gym is a hardcore gym and much different than the one I currently train at. I have heard and now am experiencing first hand how clients are committed and dedicated to their trainers. But I must ask the hard question and although I believe I know the answer it does not make it any easier. I have a free session scheduled at the other gym on Friday and I will just take it one step at a time. I believe I am at edge of bring my body to an all time high but am I willing to take the next step? I have so many time in the past so why is this any different?

Summer time Eats!!

Decided on a protein shake for a snack. I scoop up Pro-Complex with 1 cup of almond breeze. It tasted pretty good but unfortunately it didn't keep me full long. I had the shake about 10:15 and started getting hungry around 11:45. So while I prepared lunch I finished of this.

Sweet and delicious watermelon. One of the many wonderful things about summer. The watermelon is now gone and I can start enjoying the fresh raspberries and blueberries I bought from the farmers market yesterday.

Remember these from this morning? Well I put them on skewers and grilled them up along with a veggie burger that I bought from Costco.

I nice portion of pattypans and a veggie burger for lunch. The burger was delicious all alone and I didn't even think in required a bun. Wish I would have kept the original container because I don't remember the nutritional value of these.

The recipe that I found for the patty pans was pretty good.

Grilled Pattypans

6 cups pattypan squash (about 1 1/2 pounds)

1/4 cup apricot spreadable fruit (I used orange marmalade since that is all I had)

2 teaspoon hoisin sauce

1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar

1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground ginger

Place squash in a grill wok or basket coated with nonstick cooking spray. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 5 minutes. Turn squash; grill 3-5 minutes longer or until tender.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Transfer the squash to a serving bowl; add sauce and toss gently. Serve immediately.

Nutrition facts: 3/4 cup equals 54 calories, trace fat, trace cholesterol, 127mg sodium, 12g carbohydrates, 1g fiber, 1g protein.

I think I probably didn't have quite enough squash and probably should have reduced the sauce recipe but it was still a nice treat.

I will have to check and see what kind of veggie burgers these were that I bought at Costco next time. But they were quite delicious and if I recall I think they were only around 170 calories.

It has been a great day and I have enjoy being home. I am now going to head out to pick up a few new rugs the ones I had the rubber backing is crumbling and they need to be tossed.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I have been eye up the spaghetti squash on the kitchen table and decided that is going to be dinner. It is Sunday and if you remember it is spaghetti on Sundays. I made the boys there homemade pasta but it will be spaghetti squash for me.

Beauty All Around!!

Good Morning! It is a fabulous and sunny morning. I was out doors this morning and was taken back by how often I over look all the beauty around me. With the worries of life I have had a tendency to overlook all that truly remarkable things around me. I saw this beautiful rose in my own back yard today how many more roses had that rose bush produced this year that I have overlooked? Not today I saw it with all is beauty.

Can you see it? Look very closely... Yes, yes finally!! I have been going out every morning hoping and hoping that it would soon arrive and it did today! My first little green tomato in all its glory. I am thrilled!

I have never had any luck growing much and this is an all time first for me and I am very exciting. I have attempt in the past but have never been very successful. This tomato plant was very small when we started and it huge and full of blossoms. I am eager to use my "own" grown tomatoes for all kinds of wonderful eats. Now to wait until it gets big and red... How long do I have to wait? Do I sound like a little kid? I feel like one and I am loving it!! Speaking of fresh home grown... Look what I found at the farmers market yesterday....

Can you guess what it is? They were SO cute I just couldn't resist and I had remembered reading about them in a magazine so when I saw them I knew they were going home with me. Have you figured it out yet?

It is called a pattypan squash. When you think of summer squash you normally think of zucchini but there are others and patty pan is one of them, with their pretty scalloped edges and rounded shape, these small, light-green, white and yellow squash have a nuttier, lighter flavor than zucchini. Like other summer squash, pattypans do not have to be peeled. The whole squash is edible. This squash is extremely quick to fix and can be prepared in a variety of tasty ways. You can grill or saute them, bake or mash them for creamy casseroles and side dishes; or hollow them out, fill and bake them for delicious appetizers.

Pattypans are roughly 95 percent water, so they have a modes amount of nutrients. But they are a good source of vitamin C, fiber, potassium and magnesium. And they're also very low in calories and fat.

I found a recipe for a grilled pattypan that I am thinking of having for lunch or maybe dinner. I look forward to sharing with you how they are.

As for breakfast I decided to have these delicious pancakes! If you haven't tried these you have to! They`are quick, easy and SO good.

Peanut Butter and Banana Pancakes

1/3 cup quick oatmeal

2 egg whites

1/2 banana smashed

1 teaspoon baking powder

vanilla and cinnamon to taste

Mix all it together and pour into a warm skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Cook 3 minutes or until bubbly on to and then flip and cook another minute.

Nutritional info: (before peanut butter and toppings)

194 calories, 2g fat, 34g carbohydrates, 12g protein

Smear with 1 tablespoon peanut butter add a few berries and drizzle with agave nectar.

This morning I put 2 tablespoons of PB2 and agave nectar. (no fruit) going to have that for mid-morning snack. Speaking of mid-morning snack it is time for that. YAH!!

Hope you all notice the beauty around you today!!

Thank you all for the wonderful words yesterday they all touched me deeply and inspire me to be my very best and know that I AM good enough!

Quick Update!

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and suggestions. I am happy to report that the stomach issue has resolved. It left as unexpected as it came. No rim or reason just gone. I was interesting but at this point am not even going to try to figure it out. I did end up going to the doctor Thursday morning, because Wednesday night my stomach was gurgling so bad. I did take Maalox twice that night. The doctor did some blood work and wanted me to get a stool sample to return to the office. Good and bad is that I have not had a sample to provide. Go figure. They did call and left a message saying that they had medicine for me and that the doctor want to schedule a gall bladder ultrasound. But not sure if this is necessary at this point.
Every since Thursday I have been totally off on my eating and I am ready to get back in the swing of things. I have a lot of options on what I want to do with food at this point and truthfully I am just not sure what I want to do. I am not liking the uncertainty and I am not even truly sure where this is coming from.
In on regard the vegetarian diet has gone extremely well for me and I have been able to stabilize my weight and that has been such a rewarding and peacful place. But then in another regard I am not sure if I can build the muscle mass I am hoping to get with a vegetarian diet. I see several girls in the gym whose muscle tone is amazing and you can see such great definition from them without them even flexing. At the root of this I must ask myself, why? What am I trying to prove? And what point will I be happy in my own skin? Can I be happy in my own skin?
They are deep questions but ones that I believe are truly worth looking at.
I have done some amazing stuff with my body that I never, ever thought possible. I have transformed it from a morbility obese person to a fit and lean women. I should stand proud and not hide in the shadows feeling like I have not yet arrived, because I have.
I guess the title of my blog says it all, Ever Winding Road! Are you happy in your own skin? Can you look in the mirror and truly be happy with what you see? I would love to hear you thought on this question.

Never Ending

I continue to struggle with gastrointestinal issues. Of course being a once very obese person, I turned to the one things that has given me comfort: food. Bad idea! I reached for anything to give me the comfort I was so desperately seeking. Ice cream, marshmallows, dry sugar cereal.... Need I say more. The end result was not pleasant and I spent the remaining rest of the day in bed as close as possible to the bathroom. I am happy to report that I believe I learnedmy lesson from that experiment.
I am still under the weather and am yearning for comfort in any form. Today so far I have had my juice this morning, watermelon, 2 slices of raw goat cheese (not a great decision), almonds and homemade almond butter. But I must now rest my stomach it says no more. This is starting to aggravated me and a small partof me is concerned. My next question, how long must I wait before I contact a Doctor. The rest of the day I will plan on eating things that are easy to digest for now. Give my stomach a some time rest. I haven't quite figured out what that should include.
Anyone have any ideas? Thanks for listening...

New Day!!

Thanks for the comments yesterday I take them all very seriously and it touched me so thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I am feeling better this morning and happy to report that I was able to sleep threw the night without incident. I am SO thankful. Yesterday I started of the day with a juice of: kale, celery, apple, ginger, carrot... Yummy the carrot make it nice and sweet wasn't able to add lemon juice I ran out but this was great anyway.

I went an trained myself at the gym yesterday morning since my trainer was out of town. I was afraid that I would have an issue but all went well. I stop at Whole Foods after and picked up a few items, which included a banana and watermelon to eat on the way home. After an hour or so I had quite a few snack: Lara bar, 4 dates, almonds and walnuts. I was hoping this was an indication I was going to turn things around. I trained my client at 6:00 and came home to make dinner. I had this delicious salad with a new carrot-ginger dressing. At first I had a hard time thinking this was a dressing since it was not the consistence I am use to for a dressing. The flavor was delicious and on the sweet side. I also cooked up some sweet potato fries.

I decided to add a little more starch to see if that would aid in my gastrointestinal issues. I had a Ezekiel muffin with some Raw honey I bought today. Yummy! This hit the spot. I also finished off the night with a small piece of dark chocolate. Although my stomach continued to make a LOT of sounds I felt good and satisfied.

It is now Tuesday morning and it is another beautiful day. I started of the morning with a juice of: Kale, celery, apple, ginger, carrot and lemon. Nice start to the day. I train with my trainer today at 12:30 and have a grocery list started so may attempt to pick up stuff off the list on my way back. I still need to go file for my DBA for the business. I don't train tomorrow so I may just do that tomorrow.

I have been looking at my stomach issues and had to really ask myself one question: Are you doing this to an extreme? I have issues with this and am an all or nothing kind of girl but does this always benefit me? I have decided that I will keep things raw and light threw out the day and then have a nice meal at night that will start with a nice Raw salad. I saw a recipe for some Maple Balsamic vinegar that I am going to make and toss it with some brussel sprouts that I have in the refrigerator and roast as part of my dinner tonight. I want to continue experimenting with different approaches to eating but this does not mean that I have to go at it full force! Hey I am still learning...

Stomach Issue Continue

I did good all day yesterday so why do stomach problems have to start again at 4:00 am? It isn't pain for or anything and I hate to be blogging about my gastrointestinal issue but I thought if someone has gone through this and can let me know this is normal process of detoxing it "might' make me feel a little better.

Like I said I don't feel bad but right before I have to go to the bathroom I can feel the "waste" going all the way threw my intestinal tract. Since I have never experience this before it "freaked' me out at first. But I am happy to know that my body does give me a heads up that I need to be heading to the bathroom when I get that feeling. Not sure if I will be able to venture out far from home today unless it is going to get better now that the sun is up. Looks like another nap might be in my future today.

If anyone has done any raw dieting and has experience this I would LOVE to hear from you.

Recouping

Still recouping from what ever has gotten to me. I definitely do not have my appetite back but some who I was able to eat this delicious chocolate mousse with Raw whipped cream. Yummy! The whip cream was good I was hoping it would be a little more fluffy but the taste was fabulous. Maybe if I had a Vitamix it would have turned out better. I have that on my want list along with a couple other things when we are back and on our feet. I ate the mousse and decided to lay down. I must have needed it because I slept a good three hours.

I decided to keep it light for dinner. I had a little bit of the "raw" Italian cheese left so decided on two delicious lettuce wraps!!

These are so good I just love them. I had thought about making a salad and if I am feeling hungry later maybe I will toss one up. But decided to finish of with a delicious piece of...

Chocolate... That always makes a tummy feel better right? It was good. I am thinking of making a batch of this dressing I want to try from the Raw Food Detox diet, Carrot-ginger dressing. I thought if it was already made up I would be more opt to trying it.

Have a question for anyone out there... Has anyone used garam masala seasoning? Can I buy this at the store? There is a recipe for Raw Curry Cantaloupe Soup that I was thinking of trying since I have the cantaloupe and that is the only thing I don't have to make it. I wonder how much of a difference it will make if I leave it out. It only calls for a 1/2 teaspoon. What do you think. I want to make sure the cantaloupe doesn't go to waste. I guess it won't hurt if I make it up with out the seasoning right? Maybe I will. I will let you know how it works out.

Off to do some cooking: Carrot-ginger dressing and Raw Curry cantaloupe soup.