2010

It is 10:38 on December 31st. I have eaten more food than I wanted to and I am yet again wondering if I will ever get it.
I have thought about what I want to accomplish in 2010. I want to find a peace around food and exercise. I know that I can find it but it will take committment and dedication. I am looking forward to this challenge and I am hopeful that I will find it.
I will not let the slip ups defeat me. I will learn from each one of them. I will pick myself up, wipe myself off and try again.
I have SO enjoyed the blog world and learning from each and everyone one of these extraordinary women. Although many of them don't even know that I read they have all touched me in some way or another.
I would like to return to blogging on a more regular bases and begin taking pictures again. I truly enjoyed it when I did it and I felt like it helps me to look back at all the wonderful food I have eaten along the way. I have yet to find a routine with returning back to work and now finding another job seems to make it difficult. I know many of these women in the blog world work full time and still have time to blog so I do not want it to be an excuse for me not to try to do it.
Goals for the tomorrow (one day at a time)

- 96-128 ounces of water
- 5 serving of fruits and vegetables (2 fruits, 3 vegetables)
- 30 grams of fiber
- Lower body workout
- 1600- 1800 calories
- journal all my food (enter in fitday)

Just writing these small goals tomorrow helps me feel in control again and ready to push
forward.
I look forward to the weeks ahead of this new year with hope and determination to make it the best year yet!

Long term goal:

Return to a health weight range 148-153

Other goals:

write a book
recipe book?
get more client with my personal chef business
reduce our spending
travel
help someone in need

There are so many wonderful opportunities out in the world and I would love to have to opportunity to make a small impact some where some how. It very excited to think about.

Here is to a wonderful 2010!!

Stay Focused

Thank you to everyone who made a comment about yesterday I really appreciate the support and input.
I went to the gym this morning and did 35 minutes on the ellipitcal had a nice good sweat and it felt good. I have been solid to day so far but have had moment of wanting to give in but so far I am staying focused.
I made two batches of almond butter and a batch of cookies today and no samples... I some times don't understand myself at times I can have will power of steel and other times I could care less. But as a new year is approaching I wonder what my goal will be for myself. I have accomplised so much but yet have things yet to do. Although my body is good I do not believe that it is my very best and that is what I would like to strive for this coming year. I question if I an do this alone. I have had a personal trainer for the past year and half and with our financial situation I have had to give that up. Can I do this alone?
Today food has been good. Breakfast: Oatmeal, five egg whites, 1/2 cup skim milk and tablespoon flaxseed meal, snack: protein shake, lunch, 4 ounces chicken, romaine and ranch dressing, snack 2: protein shake. I have taken out some tilipia and will have that for dinner along with a big bowl of broccoli. It feels to have a plan to fall back on that I know will bring me back to where I want to be. We are attending a christmas party this evening and that will be difficult with all the wonderful eats around but I have done it before and I know I can do it again. I do not want this to be a christmas for reason to indulge.
I know I can get the seven pounds I have put on off very quickly if I stick the course.
I am looking for some good challenges for 2010 anyone have any good ones? I would love to get some ideas or get involved in some to keep me focused and motivated on what it is I want to do and achieve.
Thanks for reading

Lost My Groove!!

I have to say that I am totally out of my groove. I think it is a combination of the stress of a second job and the holidays! I have put on a good seven pounds and am not feeling good about it. But I have yet to do anything about it. I wanted to hide and pretend this is not happening. I must now making a decision on what I want to do next.
Anyone else lost their groove? How do you get it back?

Snowy Monday

I woke up this morning to a beautiful coat of white snow on the the ground. Of course I didn't think that it might take me a little longer to get to work! Oops! I had cooked up some brown rice last night so I decided to have some for breakfast this morning. I topped it with some of my homemade cranberry sauce, slivered almonds and a little maple syrup. Yummy!

The rice keep me pretty full and I got hungry around 10:00. I had packed some cottage cheese and an apple so I had that to keep me until lunch. I packed a lunch for work of pinto beans mixed with salsa and put it on a tortilla. This is an older picture since I don't take a camera to work to take picture of my eats, not yet that is.

I headed to the gym after work and did a upper body work out. I push hard and it felt good. I came home and had a banana with some of that delicious homemade almond butter. I have to admit I had a little difficulty again but not nearly as bad as yesterday. That is progress right? I nibble on the almond butter and finally made hubby put it away. I also had a cookie and some peanuts. But that was it and I was proud of myself for gaining control so quickly.

I began preparing sample food to take to my possible client tomorrow. I am a nervous wreck about it and since I have not done anything like this before I have to admit I am not sure what I am doing. The possible client want me to cook food for her children. Make them a lunch for school, after school snack and dinner. The kid are teenagers. So my sample food is: Lunch: carrots, orange and a chicken wrap Snack: fruit dip (made from low fat ricotta, yogurt and instant pudding mix), strawberries and some baked tortilla chips sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar Dinner: Turkey meatballs and fresh pasta. I will present tomorrow around 4:00.

After running around and freaking out about this whole thing I was able to manage a chicken salad: romaine lettuce, chicken breast, Parmesan cheese and lite dressing.

It is almost 9:00 and I am ready for bed. I have my clothes laid out for tomorrow, my lunch packed and my gym bag ready. Not sure when and how I will get my workout in but I will find time some where.

Still Learning!

I started the morning out right this morning. I waited for until I felt hungry and had a nice breakfast sandwich. English muffin with a veggie breakfast patty and one egg cooked with spinach. Filling and quite delicious.

I relaxed most of the morning and finally talked myself to heading over to the gym. I did a great 30 minute HIIT on the treadmill. It felt good and I was ready to eat. I decided to shower before eating lunch. I had saw an interesting idea from Abby at Eat, Drink and Be Aware it was a pear, cranberry and cheese sandwich. I had just made some delicious homemade cranberry sauce and this was a perfect way to use some of it. It was quite delicious and it hit the spot. I made a new cookie recipe to bring to a jewelry party my girlfriend was having this afternoon. I made some homemade pasta, showered, dressed and was out the door for the party.

It was nice to visit with everyone at the jewelry party and I with our financial situation I decided not to order anything from the party. I also decided not to have anything at the party to eat which ended up being a very bad idea. I left the party and was hungry. I decided to eat the last two cookie that remained that I had brought. I was ok with that but little did I know what was going to happen when I got home. I was hungry and started eating. Although I did not make bad choices I ate a lot more than I needed to. To help with the eating I decided to go ahead and eat dinner early. I ate the rest of the veggie pizza from last night. I ate the remaining four pieces and had a few more picks before I decided I needed to take action. I headed upstairs away from the food area. I began working on menu ideas for a possible client that want me to cook meal for her children. In doing this I was able to gain control. I am still learning and this was another day of it. I did some really good things and also thing I still need to work on .

I am ready for a great week ahead. I have my lunch packed: left over chili and cottage cheese with an apple.

I have a question for you: Do you plan out all your meals for the week? I currently only plan dinner but i am wondering if planning all meals would be helpful? I look forward to getting your input.

Homemade Pizza!!

I woke up this morning and was initial in panic mode. After all the eating last night I wasn't sure how I wantedy day to look. So at first I did nothing. I starting working on sprucing up the blog, what do you think? It still needs some work but I am having fun working on it. At about 10:00 I was hungry and had to make a decision on what I was going to do. So I decided on my favorite, oatmeal porridge: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup water, 5 egg whites and tablespoon flaxseed meal. I just love this meal and it always fills me up.

I proceed to have some leisure time with the blog and just relaxing. I decided not to go to the gym today and will go tomorrow to do a 30 minute HIIT. I worked my lower body hard on Friday and I felt my legs could use a break. So at about 1:00 I was getting hungry and decided to have this. Oh I just love beans burgers. I had gotten this recipe for Kath Eats Real Food. It was so good and so easy. 3/4 cup of black beans, 3 tablespoons wheat flour, 1 teaspoon olive oil, 3 splashes of Worcestershire sauce and garlic powder. Mash the beans and the rest of the ingredients. Form two patties and cook up in a nonstick pan sprayed with cooking spray. Oh I will definately be having this again. LOVE IT! I put it on a arnold bun with 1 tablespoon of barbecue sauce and broccoli slaw mixed with a flaxseed oil dressing. I finished up the grocery list and hubby and I did the weeks worth of shopping.

After putting the groceries away I decided to make some of my own almond butter. When I went to Costco the other day they did not have any Naturally More and I was SO disappointed. So I did the next best thing and made my own.

I roasted 2 1/2 cup of almond that were mixed with 1/4 cup pure maple syrup and 1 tablespoon of cinnamon. I baked it at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. I cooled it for a little while and then threw it in the food processor. I had a few licks, ok several licks SO good. I was proud of myself I had a few licks and then put it away. I look forward to having some of it in my oatmeal tomorrow. If you haven't tried making your own almond butter give it a try. So simple and quite delicious.

I have also been dreaming of this and when I was at the store I pick up a package of lite silken tofu. After the almond butter I whipped up a batch of this for dessert tonight. One package of lite silken tofu (has 120 calories for the whole package), 2 tablespoon agave nectar, 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. Mix in a food processor until it resembles mousse. I threw in the refrigerator to chill. Of course I had to lick the remainders.

Now does that look delicious? Hubby and I decided to have pizza tonight. Since I had been watching my carbs very closely this was never in my diet and I looked forward to start living and eating... I would have liked to have had whole wheat pizza dough but I was willing to make a sacrifice and had the regular dough and opted to have no meat and just a little bit of cheese.

The dough is so easy to make. I have a bread maker and since I haven't been eating much carbs never felt the need to use it much until I saw that it has a setting for dough. I put all the ingredients in it to make the pizza dough and the let the machine do the work. In just over a hour and half we had delicious pizza dough. It was the best! If you have a bread maker that is gathering dust you might want to pull it out and see if you have such a setting. Hubby had a pizza with pepperoni and lots of cheese and I had a pizza with onions, mushrooms, red pepper, reduced fat mozzarella and cheddar. I had a huge salad with light dressing and two pieces of pizza and of course the mousse with raspberries.

Although the morning began with a panic it has ended on a happy note. I have decided to stay clear from the scale for awhile and just start eating healthy fresh food and see where it takes me.

It is great to be back blogging and taking pictures of all my wonderful eats! Off to watching a movie with hubby.

Blog world!

I love blogging and I enjoy reading blog as well. They give me hope and insight to what everyone is eating and how they handle food. There are some that are honest with their struggles and others that don't mention it at all. It is some times hard for me to believe that I may be a select few that have binges so great that I have to lie down with my pant unzipped moaning wish that I could just die or at least throw up. I did not want this blog to be about hiding my struggles but to put them all out there for the world to see. It is the hope for me that not only will I be able to write about my struggles but also touch others with the same struggles as well.
Case in point tonight was one of those nights. I worked until 12:30 had my lunch at work because I wanted to head to the grocery store and gym. I had a delicious homemade bean burger on a Arnold bun with 1 TB of BBQ sauce and broccoli slaw with a delicious flaxseed dressing. It was fabulous. I ran to Costco and then headed to the gym. Had a great work out and did 30 minutes of cardio. I made the mistake of getting on the scale and maybe that is what set things in motion. I had a protein shake while leaving the gym. I was still in line with the way I wanted to eat. That was before I set foot in the house then it went out the door. I wanted food and I didn't want to figure out why or attempt to stop. Although I did not eat to total discomfort it was not planned and was WAY more than I needed. So now I sit here after having just had a few pieces of toast with butter and an apple with peanut butter. I ask myself will this pattern every end for me? Is it so awful to do?
I will wake up tomorrow and will start my day like I do each and every day with a wonderful bowl of oats, because I love it! I just see so many bloggers just have so much self control with their eating having their perfect portions and I wonder am I the only one that seems to struggle so badly. Will I every be able to find peace and balance? I do know one thing that I will never give up trying and I hope for the day that I find it. I have come so far to give up now.
I think I will go see if I can get my little camera fixed so that I can start taking pictures of my foods. I love to do that so much and I really miss it.
I have a few great new recipes that I am eager to try and share. Thank you so much for reading and listening to me trying to figure this out.

Weigh or not to Weigh

Weigh or not to weigh has been a big question that last few days. As I continue on my journey to living a healthy and active life I have begun to look at this question among others.

Yes it is a choice and it does come down to personal choice but how do you know which is right for you? And is there a right way to do it in the first place? I am a BIG blog reader I love it and I get so many wonderful ideas and I feel so connect to others fighting there own fight on a healthy life style. Some encourage never weighing other say weigh once a week others say weigh daily. But as I sit here on "MY" journey I continue to struggle with this question. In one way I don't want to be glued to a number on the scale and it defining who I am but in another way I need to be accountable for what I choose to put into my mouth and one way is the scale.

I would love to get your input on this interesting topic: Weigh or not to Weigh? I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Thanks!

I just wanted to write and thanks everyone who made a comment to my last blog entry. It touched me deeply and I wanted you all to know that.
Yesterday was a good day in the eating front and I wrote down meals for the whole week this include all six meals each day. I think this will help me stay focused and no wondering what I am going to eat.
I am trying to keep cost down in our grocery bill and was worried that I would not be able to continue eating on my plan. I was pleasantly surprised when I went with a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote down everything there was available. I think we tend to think we don't have enough and this is probably why I way over spend at the grocery store. There is plenty to eat this week and I have a sense of peace around that. Thanks to Kim for always being there to support me. Not sure what I will do once I am done working with her in November but I am going to treasure all the time I have left.
It is Monday and it is chest and back day today. I love lifting weights but the cardio well that is another story. I am just dreading it. But I keep telling myself that it is only 35 minutes and then it is done. So I will go prepare my preworkout smoothie and head to the gym.
Thanks again to everyone for all your wonderful comments.

It has been quite some time since I have blogged and I have thought to do it many time but wasn't sure what to write. I feel like I continue to struggle with the same old things and the past few days have been no different. I have been adding additional food in my diet and today I am not feeling so good about it. But when does it stop? Does it every stop?
Do I feel good about the way I look? yes Would I like to continue to improve? yes.
But I also want to live a little... Enjoy food... Is there a way to have both? I continue to struggle with these questions.
I have eaten quite a bit of food today and not even sure how to pick up the pieces and move on. I guess I will start by having a chicken salad for dinner what I planned on having and just go from here. I guess that is all I can do. Beating myself up over what has already occurred is useless and serves no purpose.
I pray and hope and some point I will find a happy medium along the way.

I want it and I want it yesterday!!

How often have we wanted something and didn't want to wait to get it? Anything from a new dress, new book and even a new body. We start a new diet and exercise plan and want to lose all the weight that has taken months or even years to accumulate with in days. We feel that we have made great sacrifices and wonder why our bodies are not responding. Within weeks of not getting the results we feel we deserve we are on the hunt looking for a better plan, because of course its the plan that is not working. Seldom do we want to admit or even look at our part in the equation.

You may ask, "What part could I be playing? I am following the plan a 100% there isn't anything to look at." One part that we tend to forget, and one most important, is our mental thought. The things we think about ourselves. We place such high expectations on ourselves no wonder we get discouraged so quickly. I ask what would happen if you accept yourself as you are at this moment? Begin to love yourself as you are. Turn all the negative talk to loving talk. This can be as simple as find one thing you love about yourself. Acknowledge all the wonderful thing about you. Begin to turn your focus on all the good you possess.

Once you turn your focus you can begin to just enjoy the process. Work on making every workout count and making every meal enjoyable with fresh clean foods. Focus on correct form and challenge your body with each work out. Research and find new food to incorporate to your diet and new recipes to try.

Results come from consistent loving work both physically and mentally. Once these are achieved the rewards will be limitless!!

Life is Good!!

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I decided that it would be a good idea to get out and enjoy it!
These picture of our outing. Absolutely beautiful.

This would have been a great picture if the lighting would have been better but you can see me a little..

Hubby posing for a great picture. It was so nice to spend the day together. With all the stuff going on in our lives it was nice to be able to truly realize what is important. I know I tend to get all caught up in all that but it was nice to just enjoy life! Do thing suck for us right now? Sure but it could always be worse and we have our health and it was nice to realize that today.

Hubby really need to take a photography class. This would have been a fabulous picture if it wasn't blurry but I still liked it and I am posting it anyway!!

Stopped for a much need break and snack. We had just walked up a billion steps!! I was dying and sweating. And I thought I was in shape!! It was a great day and we walk for over two hours. My little feet where sore but I was grateful that we both have our health and were able to enjoy such a beautiful day together.

Still Pluggin Away!

Yes I am still here and still plugging away. I have come to my blog many times wondering what I could possible write that I haven't written before. How could I write what I am going through without having a pitty party.
I continue to hit the gym hard and maintain eating clean. I haven't had a all out feast on food since I blogged about it last. All good things right? So why does it never feel good enough? Why must I continue to want instant results for my efforts? But the truth that is how I am feeling. I often ask myself why is my body betraying me? I am giving this whole process 100%, but am I? Doesn't part of the process mean being kind and loving to yourself? Sure eating clean and exercise is loving yourself but there is SO much more to it that I feel like I need to recognize.
I am at a different road on my journey and the sooner I can come to terms with the better I will be. There are part of my body that I don't like and I want to change. Of course I want those result to have happened yesterday. But those results will not happen over night and the training and the way of eating that I am learning now will get me results over time. How long with that take? There is no way of knowing. The most critical thing I have to learn right now is mental acceptance of my body right now. I have to learn to love me just the way I am at this moment as I am. I have to be patient and remember how far I have come.

Refeed Meal Became Refeed Feast

I have had some time to get over the refeed feast I had this weekend. I still have a lot of mental work to do. I blogged about in on TFF and Kim and I texted a little about it today. She read what I had written and said that I am right where I need to me. Everything I am feeling now is normal and good. How can being bloated like a beach whale be good? I have to continue to remind myself that this is a journey a process and will not always go as "I" want it to do. The best part of it I was able to jump right back into my eating plan on Sunday. I feel SO much better. I thought I would share some of the wonderful eats I had today. I worked out at 10:30 this morning and work out until 11:30. I have to eat 30 minutes after my work out so I came home and made this delicious meal. Whole wheat pasta, chicken, fresh garden tomatoes, garlic and basil. Oh SO yummy!

As many of you know I love ice cream I really do So I have been make my own version these days and am loving it. Protein shake and frozen mixed berries. Fabulous!!

Another one of my favorite things lately is fish I bake in tin foil. Tonight I layered lemons, onion and place the tilipia on top. Drizzled it with olive oil and dill and more lemon and onion . Place it in the oven until done. So moist and fresh. I had it with broccoli and some delicious red quinoa. If you haven't tried it you need to it has a wonderful texture. Great eats today.

I am going to sit and relax and get some motivation from Biggest Loser and will have my snack at 8:30, diced granny smith apple, cottage cheese, splenda, cinnamon topped with ground flaxseed meal.

Keep pushing everyone never give up, stay positive. We all must learn from this journey and become wiser and better peoplebecause of it!!

It's just a number right?

I have missed posting picture of my eats so I finally took some yesterday. I have been trying to get creative with the food I have on my list to eat. So for lunch yesterday I made a version of a Spanish type rice. I had 4 ounces of chicken a fresh tomato cut up and some home made taco seasoning. I heat that up and then add 3/4 cup of brown rice. It was very yummy and then I had some broccoli on the side.

For dinner last night I had fish. I found this recipe on the bag of frozen Tilipia and it had everything that I could have. I browned some sweet onion in a little olive oil and then I topped it with the Tilipia, garlic, fresh basil and a fresh tomato and I threw the pan in the oven. I add a little sea salt and it was delicious. I served it on top of some whole wheat couscous and side of string green beans

I got on the scale this morningwhich I had much anticipated all week. I tried to remind myself that it didn't really matter what it said. I had done well and I was feeling great. The number was the same 148. I was slightly disappointed and of course had to jump on the scale several more time to make sure it was correct. When my husband wakes up I will have him take my measurements to see if there were any changes in those numbers. I will have been with TFF two week on Monday. I am lifting well and I have made all my works out and have followed the plan 100 % so I have to be ok with that an move on.

Have legs and cardio today and am certainly looking forward to my refeed meal tomorrow. I have the place pick out and what I am going to order. Can you tell I still love to eat?

Going Strong!

Thought I would stop by to give a quick up date. Things are going great and I have been holding the line quite well. I have been able to stick to my goal this week and have not been on the scale since last Friday. This is a big one for me and I keep telling myself just two more days. I must continue to remind myself at this point it is not about the number on the scale and if I am eating cleaning and foll wing my exercise program there is truly nothing else to worry about.
I had a great leg work out yesterday and am feeling a little discomfort this morning. Today is cardio and core work. I have come to realize that my core strength is pathetic. This will be something I want to focus on the next 1o weeks or so.
Had a interview this weekend for a couple that is working for a nanny to help up with their two little boys 25-30 hours a week. I never thought this might be something I would want to do but I enjoyed being with the boys and at this point the money would truly help. I have yet to hear from them and have applied for several other nanny jobs so maybe something will come through with that. I did get a phone call from the job applied for last week and I think they are interested in hiring me. I have yet to decided if that is something i truly want to do. I will continue to pray for guidance for the right decision.
Both kids are doing well and school and we are adjusting to them both being gone.
I will continue to keep you posted on my progress and I will attempt to start posting some of my new eats.

Smooth Sailing

I am beginning Day 6 of TFF and so far it has been smooth sailing. I still have work to do with my approach but the diet and exercise are going well. I weighed yesterday since that is the "official" weigh in day. I was 148 on my home scale and I was 154 when I started on Sunday.
I have a couple of goals for myself this week, Number One: is to stay of the scale until next Friday. This will be a hard one for me and I find it odd that I can stick to the diet and exercise but staying off the scale is a test of will for me. Number Two: is to enjoy the process and the journey. I tend to be so intense that I am not able to focus on what it is I am trying to do, if that makes sense. So this week my focus will be on form and really squeezing the muscle I am working. And if by doing that I do not get the recommended about of reps so be it. Please continue to remember that this is a process, a journey and it is to be enjoyed to help you grow not only in physique but in mind.
I have my re feed meal tonight, I have some reservations about it and have to admit that I both excited and nervous. I want to focus tonight on just enjoying the food and being with my husband. Since I won't be getting on the scale until next Friday I don't have to have any hidden fears on what the scale will say tomorrow and that will be a blessing.

Day 4

Good Morning Everyone! Everything is going well for me. I am getting my energy back and it feels great. Yesterday was my cardio today and today will be Upper Body. I am still learning my body and like Kim has said, enjoy the process. I have to continue to remind myself that there is no finish line. I am learning about me and body and what it can do. That is very exciting and I am happy to be able to focus on that now.
My neighbors mother is in the hospital and she hasbeen spending all her time there. So I have offered to making her family dinner tonight. I made the homemade spaghetti last night and today I will run to the store and get bread and stuff to make cookies. Dinner will be: spaghetti and turkey meatballs, Salad and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. It makes me feel good to know that I can help her in some small way while she is going through all this.
I had an interview for a personal care giver job last night. It would be Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays from 3-9. It is for a 32 year old man who is paralyzed. He does not speak but is able to communicate. It scares me a little just because I am want to do everything right. But I guess there isn't such a thing. I can focus my attention on helping him and doing the best that I can. I must give myself a break because I haven't done this before it will be a learning process but could be a great growing experience for me. They have two other people they are going to interview and will be making a decision next week. The pay isn't a lot but at this point I think it would help me get some of my nursing skills back and put me out in the "world" again. Since the kids have been gone I feel such a big void in my life. What a good way to fill it than my helping someone who needs "me".
Things are good and I am feeling Joy in my heart. It can't get any better than that.
Tomorrow is my official weigh in day I will let you know how it goes.

Day One

It was both exciting and frustrating today. I am feel much more in control when I have a plan and for that I am grateful. The exercise routine is going to take me some time. I have always had some one beside me to supervise so not having that is a little frustrating. I second guess if I am doing it correctly, is it enough weight, should I have gone heavier. I need to continue to remind myself that it isn't going to go perfectly the first time I am going to have to learn my body. I believe that will be very empowering for me. I just have to be patient.
Of course at the new gym they want to sell me on a personal trainer. I tried to say politely that I don't think I am ready to jump into that right now. Which is SO true. This is one of the reasons I went with TFF. I trust Kim.
The diet has gone well it has been weird having apples, rice again. Believe me I am not complaining one bit.
I am hoping to really get in touch with my body. How I am feeling energy, strength. I have SO much to learn and I think this will be a great opportunity for me to do that. Now I just need to be strong in my decision and move forward.
I have day one behind me. I have one meal left and then day one is complete.
I can do this!!

Tomorrow I start TFF

The day has "finally" arrived. I have been anxiously awaiting to begin this new journey with TFF. I have talked to Kim a couple of time and I have my plan all printed out and ready to begin.
I had to get on the scale this morning to get my official start weight. I have to be honest and I was not looking forward to it and was not really happy with what I saw. But I am ready to move beyond it and get moving. I must also continue to remind mind myself that I taking a different approach now. I am "building" and that is very excited and that is truly what I wanted. So with that comes a different mind set. It will be nice not weighing every day and just focusing on my plan .
We went to the grocery store yesterday and I have everything ready. Once hubby gets up I will have him measure me and then I wait until tomorrow morning. I will start the workout program today and will head to the gym about 11:00 to do my first session of HIIT. Although I know it won't be a ton of fun but I will continue to remind myself that it is only for 30 minutes.
I look forward to sharing this new journey with you. I have also been told that my former trainer was unable to take any responsibility for me leaving and blamed it all on that fact that I have low self esteem. This gave me more determination than ever to prove him wrong. I want to go in the gym in three month looking better than ever. It is now my mission.
I applied for a job on Craig's list the other day and got a email response. I am hoping to talk to the women today. It would be so nice to find something. Although it is only part time and the pay isn't the best at this point it is better than nothing. I will keep you posted on that as well.
See you tomorrow with an update on how Day 1 is going.

Good Morning! I am going to do a recap of yesterday eats. I forgot to take a picture of my breakfast yesterday but I cook up a oatmeal banana pancake and topped it with PB2, blueberries and agave nectar. I just love those pancakes. I trained yesterday at 10:30 and I had cooked these little muffins yesterday and ate them before my work out today. The recipe called to make them into big muffins but I thought I would try them as minis. They were really good but I don't think I cooked them quite long enough. I got this from Kristin blog. She has some great recipe and I am excited about trying more.

I had a pretty good work out and was worried that it would be tense between my trainer and I since this is my last week. I tried to keep the conversation general and move forward the best I could. Had a pretty good work out and I did an intense HIIT on the treadmill after my training session. On the way home I stopped by the new gym and signed up. It is going to be so nice having the gym right down the street. I think I will be using that for all my cardio this week.

I had some left over mousse from yesterday so I topped it with some fruit and had that for a mid afternoon snack. Hubby and I worked on converting my daughter room into a guess room/office. We moved the bed up from the basement and the desk. The desk is so HEAVY and we both were huffing and puffing. Next is to get the computer up there and everything set up. Sure will be nice when it is finished. I became VERY hungry before dinner and I usually wait until 7:00 to eat. I tried to hold out but I just couldn't make it. I had some mindless eating and I was pretty disappointed about it. Today I am trying to reflex on it and figure out how I could have done it better and maybe I need more food after my hard work out today. It is this stuff I am looking forward to working with Kim with.

At first I wanted to skip dinner all together but I knew that was not the best way to handle the situation. So I ate my planned dinner, red beans and rice and the rest of the Kale salad. I finished up my gallon of water for the day and was happy that I finished the day on a good note.

I trained today at 12:30 and not sure what else I will have in store for today. Tomorrow I will head over to the new gym and do my first cardio session over there. I am eager to check out all the "new" cardio equipment. Only 6 more day until I start with Kim and start on the new journey. I am really looking forward to the opportunity.

Clean Eating

I was required to send my online trainer some current photos. This picture was taken this morning. I don't look to bad but still have work to do, considering I was a 270 pounds women at one time I really can't complain to much.

Around 10:00 I had my mid morning snack. Almond butter with an apple. I have not had fruit in over a month and let me tell you this was heaven. I truly missed fruit and it gave me such comfort knowing that I was doing my body good.

Before heading out to get the weeks worth of groceries I finally decided to give this a try. It make sound weird but I really love it. And you ask what is this? It is a tuna pancake.

3 ounces of tuna, 1/2 cup rolled oats, 2 egg whites and some Italian seasoning. I cooked it up in a non-stick frying plan and topped it with organic no-sugar ketchup. I think I found another favorite. It was quite delicious and very low cal. Gotta love that!

Hubby and I went out and did the grocery shopping. I have been missing this wonderful snack and couldn't wait to pick up the ingredient to have it this afternoon. After putting the groceries away, cutting up the lettuce and broccoli and preparing the Kale Salad for dinner. I sat out on the front porch to enjoy my silken tofu mousse with fresh raspberries. The raspberries were fabulous and the mousse was thick and full of chocolate flavor. A great and satisfying snack.

I can't recall the last time I had pasta and I was looking forward to having it for tonights dinner. I made some great tasting turkey meatballs and whole wheat pasta. I enjoy every single bite.

Along with the pasta I made up some delicious Kale Salad. This is a great summer salad full of flavor. This salad has Kale, cranberries, dried apples, red onion, green onion and a dressing made with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, honey, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

I was very pleased with my eats today and continue to focus on feeding my body healthy "clean" food. I am attempting to leave my obsession over the scale behind. I am not quite there yet but I think it will continue to get better once I leave my trainer who hounds me about my weight each and every time I see him. I am looking forward to having that stress removed from my life.

It will get easier?

Well here is my dinner last night. I am excited about being back into some "normal" clean eating. When we returned back from Kirksville I had a lot of emotional eating going on, which I felt terrible about. I finally gave in and took a two hour nap and got up feeling better and ready to regroup. I cooked up some Dijon Crusted Tilipia with whole wheat couscous and broccoli a great meal and very satisfying. There was no need to have anything else last night.

It was so wonderful seeing my son again at his scrimmage at Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri. He is number 73 in the photo. He looks great and seems to be adjusting to college life quite well. I thought it would be easy seeming him and saying good bye but I was mistaken. Although I know this is a great place for him I guess part of me, being a mom, missed him needing me. I guess I can't expect to just stop wanting to do that when I have been doing it for him for eighteen years. Hopefully time will help.

I am going to attempt to start taking photos of my food again. But I just have to remember to do it. I had my delicious oat meal porridge this morning. I just love this stuff. I added a little banana to it this morning. YUMMY! I already know what I am having for lunch and I will make sure that I take pictures of it. I also will be taking some picture of myself. I have a new online trainer that I will be working with and she wants to see what she is looking at as far as my current physique. I will post those as well.

I found a new gym that I will be working out at and I am excited! Things are good and I am ready to start moving forward. Last training session with my current trainer will be the 29th and then I am ready to get going. Will start with my new online trainer, Kim, on the 31st.

Fresh!!

Sorry I have been gone for so long! But I had some really hard decisions to make. We got both kids off to school and now our house is empty, quiet and clean. Very strange.
I know I have talked about how unhappy I have been with my trainer and how torn I was on what the right thing to do was. Well I FINALLY made a decision. I told him yesterday that I would not be training with him for awhile. I did not go into all my reason I didn't feel like it was necessary. I told him it was financial which is not a complete lie. My husband has been out of work for 14 months and I have yet to find anything as well. I do believe this will help relieve a little stress not having to fork out that money each month. But of course with leaving comes all kinds of fear. Can I do this on my own? How will I do this? What should I eat? What kind of goals should I set myself? The list goes on and on. I am not sure of all the answers right now but I do know one thing I feel at peace with my decision and I am ready to move forward. His constant pyscho babble with not be missed. His constant hounding me about my weight will not be missed. I just want to train hard and transform my body!
I girl that I have know from Sparkspeople for quite some time has an online training service. I trust her and I will be talking with her today to pick her brain on where I should go from here. I have talked to quite a few people the last few days and the more I talk to them the more confused I become. Most just want my money and want to train me but I do not want to be put in a situation that I just got out off. I deserve more than that. I am going to listed to my gut! So far there is one guy that I would consider going to if I am not able to do this on my own. I am going to give myself three month doing it SOLO and see what happens.
I will finish up training with my trainer until the end of the month and then the new journey begins.
Stay tuned I will be blog my new journey.

Ready To Go!!

Have had a busy day and this afternoon I began prepping everything for our trip tomorrow. I have my three gallons of distilled water, six protein shakes, two serving of my oatmeal that is combine with 1 egg and three whites, fish for tomorrow night, chicken for the rest of the meals, ranch dressing and lettuce. I know that if you don't prepare to succeed you will fail. So I feel really good about it.
This times seems different to me I feel like my head is in the right place. It will be nice to know that when we return on Friday that I will be coming to the close of my third weeks. I have one more week and I have stuck it for a month! That is SO rewarding for me. After this week I will be a quarter of the way through this journey. I often have to look at things that way to help motivated me to continue going as well as letting myself realize how far I have come. So far so good.
Had a great training session and my trainer is thrilled with my progress. I was able to do 100 pound lat pull down with assistance today as well as seated dumbell curl and hammer curl using 20 pounds weight. I can begin to see the hard working paying off and it feels SO good.
I will blog on Friday or Saturday when I return. Hope everyone has a great week..

Day 16

Here we are the beginning of a new week. I am now starting my third week on my new eating plan and am holding the line quite well. I had my official weigh in at the gym and I weighed in at 150.2. So I have lost 2.2 pounds last week. I am still ahead of the 1.5 pounds that I had set up for myself. Had a great chest, shoulder and triceps work out today. My trainer says I am getting my strength back and is pleased with how I am doing.
My husband and I are planning to head to Michigan on Wednesday and will return home on Friday. So I plan on bring all my own food for this trip. Tomorrow I will cook up my fish and make sure I have enough chicken cook, if not, I will cook up some more chicken. I cut up lettuce yesterday and will have see if I have enough for the trip. I will also cook up my oatmeal and put that in containers so all I have to do is reheat. I have done this before and it makes things go so much smoother for me. My parents have come to accept this so it help make this SO much easier for me. I continue to take small step to help me get through the next 10 weeks. I have something to prove myself and that is why I am doing it. I want to prove that I do have the discipline to do this for 12 weeks. I have made attempt before but have always had some cheat and fallen off track. I want this time to be different and stick it out solid the whole time.
It truly is all in our minds. I continue fill myself with positive thought and remind myself daily and some times hourly why I am doing this and that I CAN do it!
Thank to everyone for your encouraging words it truly has help me keep everything going.

Day14

Today is day 14 of my new eating plan. The mind games are beginning and this is when I will need to dig deep and keep the course. I have begun to question why am I doing this? Can I do this? Will it be worth the sacrifice? I may not be able to answer those questions right now but I know if I given upat this point I will feel bad and defeated. I have had many obstacles that I have had to over come on my journey this one is no different. I will take it one day and one meal at a time. I know that I can be victorious because I have done it before. I texted my trainer last night asking for encouragement and this is his response: "This is all about you! No one can do it but you and that is all there is to it!" It is all about me and I am the only one that can do it. So now I must find a way to make it happen for me. What ever game or strategies I must come up with to just do it! My weight at the gym is currently 151.6. I figure in order to get to 139 I must lose about 1.3 pounds per week so at this point I am ahead of the game and I must continue to remind myself of that. I am use to instant gratification on my effort this is a different beast and I must approach it much different. Focus less on the scale number and more on my training. I must also figure out or come up with some thing to spend my time doing. I think I have WAY to much free time now that our nest is empty.
Did I tell you that the writer from clean eating emailed me? We are attempting to set up a phone interview the week of the 17th. I also have been talking to a writer for spryliving magazine who would also like to talk to me. This is very exciting and I love sharing with others what I have learned along my journey.
Off to eat meal #1

Transition Begins!

It has been a emotional and long past few days. Sorry I didn't blog but I needed the time to be with my son and family and start the Transition our family is about to begin.

We arrived in Kirksville on Wednesday evening around 6:30 pm. We spent the night in a hotel and we were able to get the key to the dorm room at 8:00 am on Thursday morning. This is a picture of his dorm hall from the main street.

This is a picture of the entrance is from the side door which we used to hall his stuff to is room. His room is on the first floor which made it very convenient and it wasn't to far down from this door. If anyone know my son, he is a very simple kind of kid. Not much to pack and bring along. He may decide after living there for a while of others things he might want and need.

His room mates parent and my husband and myself took a few hours to get stuff move around how they wanted it. It looks like it will work out quite well. We were able to walk around campus and help him get his gear and other things he needed to get started. We said our good byes around 4:00 pm. It was difficult but I felt like he is going to be OK. He was already playing xbox with a new team mate when we left.

I made it a whole ten minutes after leaving before the tears began. I am not worried about him because I have raised a great son and I know he will do great things. But I will miss seeing him every day and him just being around. This is a new part of my life that I will have to adjust to. Now about 10 more days and we will do it again when we move our daughter into her apartment.

I packed all my food for the trip and was on program 100% I was a little disappointed with the scale this morning thought I would see some sort of drop for all my hard effort. Nothing yet. I need to keep my mind in the game and just keep moving forward. Give it over to my trainer and let he figure out how I need to get the rest of it off.

No change in the food plan yet . Will see what he says on Saturday or Monday.

Home Safe and Sound!

My son arrived home safe and sound from his trip to Germany on Tuesday. It has been a pretty busy week. We are now getting him ready to head off to college on August 5th.

I believe this picture are from Lucerne. He had a great time and Iam so glad that we are able to send him on this once in a life time trip. He took tons of pictures and I am so grateful!

My husband and I joke that he left on the trip a boy and came back a man. Could this been from all the beer he drank?

The last few days have been full of emotion for not only me but I think for all of us. You raise your kids and when they are little you are always wanting them to grow up. You want them to roll over, sit up, walk ,talk, go to school.... But little do you realize by doing this the time will come that it is time for them to leave the nest. Although you know one day it will come I don't think you are every quite ready.

I know that my husband and I have done a great job and he will do well out in the world. I guess the sad part is that once he leave it will be different when he returns.

He will "always" be my little boy and I couldn't be prouder!