Saturday, January 31, 2009

Big Baby!

It was a very difficult and emotional day for me. As you know I have been attempting to maintain my weight and I began this week attempting to add variety. The agreement I made with my trainer was that I would not go over 155 and that I would be that or below on Saturdays. Well that did not happen this Saturday and of course he had something to say about it. No big surprise.. But what I was not prepared for was my reaction to it. I became very defense and it was pretty damn ugly. I felt terrible and just wanted to leave the work out. I isolateds myself from the group. I am not happy with the way I reacted and I wish I could redo it. I would have liked to accept it with grace and dignity, which didn't happen. I did text him and apologize from my shitty attitude. I know part of it is that I am disappointed in myself and I just became so sorry for myself. I hate that!! But I must now pick myself up and brush myself off and move forward. I weight is at 156.4 so don't have much to get back in my range and I know I can do that by Monday. But I must realize it is much more than just being in the range it is how I like to fall off my plan. The last few days I have not only been adding a variety of food but also things that I did not plan for (peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, cheese, lunch meat). Although there are worse food choices I could have made the point is that I didn't not stick to my plan. It is not that the plan didn't work it is that I didn't follow the plan. So I am done feeling sorry for myself and blaming this and that for my failure. I have the discipline inside of me and I know my trainer is just looking out for me. I know that now but not sure I could see that in the heat of the moment. Now I move forward with my head held high!

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