Day of Risk!

I worried going to bed last night that I would have difficulty sleeping with the big day of risk ahead of me. But I wa quite surprised that I slept quite well. I had considered oatmeal this morning but ultimately decided on a omelet. I wasn't sure what kind of choices I would have at lunch today and thought I would keep reserve my carbs for that just in case.

I had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun-dried tomatoe and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. Yummy! A nice size omelet and quite fillings.

I continue to remind myself that with self growth must come risk and risk is not fun but worth it in the end. I will feel happy for it in the end.

Fabulous Day!!

Lately I have been hungry for eggs so I have been having them. This morning I scrambled one egg and four whites with a little garlic powder and basil. Yummy! I think I have been shorting myself on protein and this may be a cause for my craving.

I had a super busy morning and very productive. I finally went down to the clerks office and filed my DBA (do business as) and then I ran to the newspaper to put in an ad since this is part of the requirement for a DBA. That will run in Fridays paper and the next three weeks and then it will be done. I also ran to Staples and am having them run off 25 copies of my personal chef brochure that my husband and I designed. Ran to Home Goods for some new frying pan and to the bank. By the time I got home I was hungry so I snacked on some grapes as I fried up my veggie burger in my "new" frying pan!!

It was a fabulous lunch but when I went to Costco I looked up the nutritional fact on the veggies burgers and there is not nearly enough protein in them. I am glad I know that and can add another protein source when I eat them. But it was delicious and I enjoyed every bite. I am not sure if I have told anyone that I submitted my success story to Clean Eating Magazine. I did this a week or so ago and they contacted me about getting a better before picture which I was happy to forward. I got an email today asking if i was interested in having them feature me in their magazine. I was thrilled and quickly responded. I received another email saying that a writer would be contacting me and that I should find addition before and after pictures. Can you believe it? Honestly I never found my story that special. I just figured there are other people that have lost a weight and did it under difficult circumstance I wasn't the only one. This is just my thinking. But I am thrilled with the opportunity and hopeful that they will hope it is worth printing. I will keep you posted on that.

I was to meet my client at the gym so I ate a banana before heading over to the gym. Unfortunately, she had to cancel as I was in route to the gym. I headed to Costco instead since I was out that way. I had a lot of difficulty not wanting to pick up something wonderful to eat the whole way home. I browsed the whole store thinking about what I would buy but in the end I just couldn't do it. I knew what every I choose to buy would be eaten and not just a small amount probably the whole container. I opened the gum and chomped on that until I got home.

While I prepared my dinner I eat some raisins. I had barbecue tofu, kale and sweet potato fries. I still didn't quite feel satisfied so I ate a pretty big portion of almonds. I know feel happy and satisfied.

I decided to be brave and talk face to face with my trainer tomorrow. This is a HUGE step for me. I have been happy with my training session with him and have felt guilty about saying something. I guess for all these years of being heavy I never felt that I was worthy of saying what I needed. I have talked to a few great friends (Kim , Kim, Amy and Gale) and my husband and I just bite the bullet and texted him. Instead of working out with him tomorrow I will be meeting with him for lunch. He is a very busy guy and this is pretty much the only way I can get him alone one on one. I an very nervous but proud of myself for making this step. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say or how I am going to say it but I hope the words will come tomorrow.

Discover

It has been nice to get back to the "me" diet. I am starting to feel some what better about being able to make my "own" choices on what I am going to eat instead of finding something someone else says I should eat. For lunch was the perfect example. I decided to make a "me" taco salad for lunch.

Fresh green lettuce I got from the farmers market, little bit of 2% cheese, TVP flavored with homemade taco seasoning topped with a little reduce fat sour cream and salsa. Yummy! A nice filling lunch before my workout. We work on back and biceps today. It was a pretty good work out but I still feel like I could be challenge more since I'm rarely sore after my work outs. But do I have to be sore in order to say I got a good workout?

After my workout I had a banana and a Nectar whey protein isolate shake. I am trying to focus on getting a little more protein in these days. I did 30 minutes of cardio left the gym and did the grocery shopping for the week. Since my son is on his trip to Germany it was odd just buying a small amount of groceries but I can definitely get use to the total $45. I was in the neighborhood of my dear friend Gale so I stopped by for a nice chat. I miss talking with her and she always has such great insight into what I am going through and something I truly treasure about her. Thanks Gale!

Unfortunately, I was pretty hungry when I got home and that doesn't every work out to my advantage. Hubby and I prepared his dinner so I snacked on blueberries and nuts while we did that. Once his dinner was complete it was on to mine. I decided on having a omelet. It was really good. It had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun dried tomatoes and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. It was really good but I did eat it way to quickly and was searching for more.

I had a few more almonds, raisins and whatever else I could find. Thank goodness we don't care much junk in the house anymore. So I am being OK with the "little" food binge. I still think I might have a little frozen banana ice cream for dessert but I will play that one by hear.

Not sure if anyone knows but I have considered doing a figure competition. This is something I have thought about a while back and it has come into my mind again recently. I emailed a couple that does figure consulting and I am eager to set something up with them. I am looking forward to hearing their honest opinion about me. My body has been through the ringer and has the scar and wrinkles to show but if they feel like I can do it what do I have to lose. I have come so far what is wrong with taking it one step further. As most people know me I love a challenge and this may be something I could really use. Something to focus all my energy into. I it so exciting to continue to discover what I am made of and what I can truly do with my body and mind.

Pondering

I woke up this morning to this delicious breakfast!! Can you name it? LOL! I can't help it this one I just love and enjoy every last bite of it.

For the last two night for dinner I have had this. It was so good and I didn't feel guilty one bit have to nice size bowls of it. Spaghetti squash with veggie crumble marinara. Yummy! Last night I went to make a batch and since I had left over squash to eaten. I went to the freeze and could not locate the veggie crumble. I was frantic and could not locate any. After first I thought I was going to have to resort to something else when a thought came in to my mind: why don't I use the TVP I have in the cabinet. (Textured vegetable Protein) It work out great and I actually like it better than the crumble I bought from the store so I think I am going to use this more often.

To make the marinara:

2 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup veggie "sausage style" crumble

1 Tb Italian seasoning

1 glove of garlic

1 cup crushed tomatoes

1 Tb balsamic vinegar

heat oil in pan and saute garlic, Italian seasoning and crumble or about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes and balsamic vinegar and cook an additional minute or so.

Yummy! I have also used this on top of polenta as I am sure you could put it on top of any whole wheat pasta.

Now that I think about it I may used this TVP to make some kind of sloppy Joe. Sounds good!!

As you can see by my post title, Pondering I have had a lot of stuff on my mind and not sure what road or step I want to make. First: Haven't quite decided what my eating "style' is going to be. I am hoping to up the protein grams but haven't quite figured out how I want to do that at this point. But like my dear friend Gale has said that is what is so great about maintenance you have an opportunity to pick it and there is a lot of different ways to do it. So I am keeping that in my mind as I experiment.

Two: Have thought about changing trainers. This one is a very heart wrenching for me and I am having a great deal of difficult with it. I did go over to another gym yesterday and talked with the owner/trainer. The gym is a hardcore gym and much different than the one I currently train at. I have heard and now am experiencing first hand how clients are committed and dedicated to their trainers. But I must ask the hard question and although I believe I know the answer it does not make it any easier. I have a free session scheduled at the other gym on Friday and I will just take it one step at a time. I believe I am at edge of bring my body to an all time high but am I willing to take the next step? I have so many time in the past so why is this any different?

Summer time Eats!!

Decided on a protein shake for a snack. I scoop up Pro-Complex with 1 cup of almond breeze. It tasted pretty good but unfortunately it didn't keep me full long. I had the shake about 10:15 and started getting hungry around 11:45. So while I prepared lunch I finished of this.

Sweet and delicious watermelon. One of the many wonderful things about summer. The watermelon is now gone and I can start enjoying the fresh raspberries and blueberries I bought from the farmers market yesterday.

Remember these from this morning? Well I put them on skewers and grilled them up along with a veggie burger that I bought from Costco.

I nice portion of pattypans and a veggie burger for lunch. The burger was delicious all alone and I didn't even think in required a bun. Wish I would have kept the original container because I don't remember the nutritional value of these.

The recipe that I found for the patty pans was pretty good.

Grilled Pattypans

6 cups pattypan squash (about 1 1/2 pounds)

1/4 cup apricot spreadable fruit (I used orange marmalade since that is all I had)

2 teaspoon hoisin sauce

1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar

1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground ginger

Place squash in a grill wok or basket coated with nonstick cooking spray. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 5 minutes. Turn squash; grill 3-5 minutes longer or until tender.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Transfer the squash to a serving bowl; add sauce and toss gently. Serve immediately.

Nutrition facts: 3/4 cup equals 54 calories, trace fat, trace cholesterol, 127mg sodium, 12g carbohydrates, 1g fiber, 1g protein.

I think I probably didn't have quite enough squash and probably should have reduced the sauce recipe but it was still a nice treat.

I will have to check and see what kind of veggie burgers these were that I bought at Costco next time. But they were quite delicious and if I recall I think they were only around 170 calories.

It has been a great day and I have enjoy being home. I am now going to head out to pick up a few new rugs the ones I had the rubber backing is crumbling and they need to be tossed.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I have been eye up the spaghetti squash on the kitchen table and decided that is going to be dinner. It is Sunday and if you remember it is spaghetti on Sundays. I made the boys there homemade pasta but it will be spaghetti squash for me.

Beauty All Around!!

Good Morning! It is a fabulous and sunny morning. I was out doors this morning and was taken back by how often I over look all the beauty around me. With the worries of life I have had a tendency to overlook all that truly remarkable things around me. I saw this beautiful rose in my own back yard today how many more roses had that rose bush produced this year that I have overlooked? Not today I saw it with all is beauty.

Can you see it? Look very closely... Yes, yes finally!! I have been going out every morning hoping and hoping that it would soon arrive and it did today! My first little green tomato in all its glory. I am thrilled!

I have never had any luck growing much and this is an all time first for me and I am very exciting. I have attempt in the past but have never been very successful. This tomato plant was very small when we started and it huge and full of blossoms. I am eager to use my "own" grown tomatoes for all kinds of wonderful eats. Now to wait until it gets big and red... How long do I have to wait? Do I sound like a little kid? I feel like one and I am loving it!! Speaking of fresh home grown... Look what I found at the farmers market yesterday....

Can you guess what it is? They were SO cute I just couldn't resist and I had remembered reading about them in a magazine so when I saw them I knew they were going home with me. Have you figured it out yet?

It is called a pattypan squash. When you think of summer squash you normally think of zucchini but there are others and patty pan is one of them, with their pretty scalloped edges and rounded shape, these small, light-green, white and yellow squash have a nuttier, lighter flavor than zucchini. Like other summer squash, pattypans do not have to be peeled. The whole squash is edible. This squash is extremely quick to fix and can be prepared in a variety of tasty ways. You can grill or saute them, bake or mash them for creamy casseroles and side dishes; or hollow them out, fill and bake them for delicious appetizers.

Pattypans are roughly 95 percent water, so they have a modes amount of nutrients. But they are a good source of vitamin C, fiber, potassium and magnesium. And they're also very low in calories and fat.

I found a recipe for a grilled pattypan that I am thinking of having for lunch or maybe dinner. I look forward to sharing with you how they are.

As for breakfast I decided to have these delicious pancakes! If you haven't tried these you have to! They`are quick, easy and SO good.

Peanut Butter and Banana Pancakes

1/3 cup quick oatmeal

2 egg whites

1/2 banana smashed

1 teaspoon baking powder

vanilla and cinnamon to taste

Mix all it together and pour into a warm skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Cook 3 minutes or until bubbly on to and then flip and cook another minute.

Nutritional info: (before peanut butter and toppings)

194 calories, 2g fat, 34g carbohydrates, 12g protein

Smear with 1 tablespoon peanut butter add a few berries and drizzle with agave nectar.

This morning I put 2 tablespoons of PB2 and agave nectar. (no fruit) going to have that for mid-morning snack. Speaking of mid-morning snack it is time for that. YAH!!

Hope you all notice the beauty around you today!!

Thank you all for the wonderful words yesterday they all touched me deeply and inspire me to be my very best and know that I AM good enough!

Quick Update!

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and suggestions. I am happy to report that the stomach issue has resolved. It left as unexpected as it came. No rim or reason just gone. I was interesting but at this point am not even going to try to figure it out. I did end up going to the doctor Thursday morning, because Wednesday night my stomach was gurgling so bad. I did take Maalox twice that night. The doctor did some blood work and wanted me to get a stool sample to return to the office. Good and bad is that I have not had a sample to provide. Go figure. They did call and left a message saying that they had medicine for me and that the doctor want to schedule a gall bladder ultrasound. But not sure if this is necessary at this point.
Every since Thursday I have been totally off on my eating and I am ready to get back in the swing of things. I have a lot of options on what I want to do with food at this point and truthfully I am just not sure what I want to do. I am not liking the uncertainty and I am not even truly sure where this is coming from.
In on regard the vegetarian diet has gone extremely well for me and I have been able to stabilize my weight and that has been such a rewarding and peacful place. But then in another regard I am not sure if I can build the muscle mass I am hoping to get with a vegetarian diet. I see several girls in the gym whose muscle tone is amazing and you can see such great definition from them without them even flexing. At the root of this I must ask myself, why? What am I trying to prove? And what point will I be happy in my own skin? Can I be happy in my own skin?
They are deep questions but ones that I believe are truly worth looking at.
I have done some amazing stuff with my body that I never, ever thought possible. I have transformed it from a morbility obese person to a fit and lean women. I should stand proud and not hide in the shadows feeling like I have not yet arrived, because I have.
I guess the title of my blog says it all, Ever Winding Road! Are you happy in your own skin? Can you look in the mirror and truly be happy with what you see? I would love to hear you thought on this question.