Day One

It was both exciting and frustrating today. I am feel much more in control when I have a plan and for that I am grateful. The exercise routine is going to take me some time. I have always had some one beside me to supervise so not having that is a little frustrating. I second guess if I am doing it correctly, is it enough weight, should I have gone heavier. I need to continue to remind myself that it isn't going to go perfectly the first time I am going to have to learn my body. I believe that will be very empowering for me. I just have to be patient.
Of course at the new gym they want to sell me on a personal trainer. I tried to say politely that I don't think I am ready to jump into that right now. Which is SO true. This is one of the reasons I went with TFF. I trust Kim.
The diet has gone well it has been weird having apples, rice again. Believe me I am not complaining one bit.
I am hoping to really get in touch with my body. How I am feeling energy, strength. I have SO much to learn and I think this will be a great opportunity for me to do that. Now I just need to be strong in my decision and move forward.
I have day one behind me. I have one meal left and then day one is complete.
I can do this!!

Tomorrow I start TFF

The day has "finally" arrived. I have been anxiously awaiting to begin this new journey with TFF. I have talked to Kim a couple of time and I have my plan all printed out and ready to begin.
I had to get on the scale this morning to get my official start weight. I have to be honest and I was not looking forward to it and was not really happy with what I saw. But I am ready to move beyond it and get moving. I must also continue to remind mind myself that I taking a different approach now. I am "building" and that is very excited and that is truly what I wanted. So with that comes a different mind set. It will be nice not weighing every day and just focusing on my plan .
We went to the grocery store yesterday and I have everything ready. Once hubby gets up I will have him measure me and then I wait until tomorrow morning. I will start the workout program today and will head to the gym about 11:00 to do my first session of HIIT. Although I know it won't be a ton of fun but I will continue to remind myself that it is only for 30 minutes.
I look forward to sharing this new journey with you. I have also been told that my former trainer was unable to take any responsibility for me leaving and blamed it all on that fact that I have low self esteem. This gave me more determination than ever to prove him wrong. I want to go in the gym in three month looking better than ever. It is now my mission.
I applied for a job on Craig's list the other day and got a email response. I am hoping to talk to the women today. It would be so nice to find something. Although it is only part time and the pay isn't the best at this point it is better than nothing. I will keep you posted on that as well.
See you tomorrow with an update on how Day 1 is going.

Good Morning! I am going to do a recap of yesterday eats. I forgot to take a picture of my breakfast yesterday but I cook up a oatmeal banana pancake and topped it with PB2, blueberries and agave nectar. I just love those pancakes. I trained yesterday at 10:30 and I had cooked these little muffins yesterday and ate them before my work out today. The recipe called to make them into big muffins but I thought I would try them as minis. They were really good but I don't think I cooked them quite long enough. I got this from Kristin blog. She has some great recipe and I am excited about trying more.

I had a pretty good work out and was worried that it would be tense between my trainer and I since this is my last week. I tried to keep the conversation general and move forward the best I could. Had a pretty good work out and I did an intense HIIT on the treadmill after my training session. On the way home I stopped by the new gym and signed up. It is going to be so nice having the gym right down the street. I think I will be using that for all my cardio this week.

I had some left over mousse from yesterday so I topped it with some fruit and had that for a mid afternoon snack. Hubby and I worked on converting my daughter room into a guess room/office. We moved the bed up from the basement and the desk. The desk is so HEAVY and we both were huffing and puffing. Next is to get the computer up there and everything set up. Sure will be nice when it is finished. I became VERY hungry before dinner and I usually wait until 7:00 to eat. I tried to hold out but I just couldn't make it. I had some mindless eating and I was pretty disappointed about it. Today I am trying to reflex on it and figure out how I could have done it better and maybe I need more food after my hard work out today. It is this stuff I am looking forward to working with Kim with.

At first I wanted to skip dinner all together but I knew that was not the best way to handle the situation. So I ate my planned dinner, red beans and rice and the rest of the Kale salad. I finished up my gallon of water for the day and was happy that I finished the day on a good note.

I trained today at 12:30 and not sure what else I will have in store for today. Tomorrow I will head over to the new gym and do my first cardio session over there. I am eager to check out all the "new" cardio equipment. Only 6 more day until I start with Kim and start on the new journey. I am really looking forward to the opportunity.

Clean Eating

I was required to send my online trainer some current photos. This picture was taken this morning. I don't look to bad but still have work to do, considering I was a 270 pounds women at one time I really can't complain to much.

Around 10:00 I had my mid morning snack. Almond butter with an apple. I have not had fruit in over a month and let me tell you this was heaven. I truly missed fruit and it gave me such comfort knowing that I was doing my body good.

Before heading out to get the weeks worth of groceries I finally decided to give this a try. It make sound weird but I really love it. And you ask what is this? It is a tuna pancake.

3 ounces of tuna, 1/2 cup rolled oats, 2 egg whites and some Italian seasoning. I cooked it up in a non-stick frying plan and topped it with organic no-sugar ketchup. I think I found another favorite. It was quite delicious and very low cal. Gotta love that!

Hubby and I went out and did the grocery shopping. I have been missing this wonderful snack and couldn't wait to pick up the ingredient to have it this afternoon. After putting the groceries away, cutting up the lettuce and broccoli and preparing the Kale Salad for dinner. I sat out on the front porch to enjoy my silken tofu mousse with fresh raspberries. The raspberries were fabulous and the mousse was thick and full of chocolate flavor. A great and satisfying snack.

I can't recall the last time I had pasta and I was looking forward to having it for tonights dinner. I made some great tasting turkey meatballs and whole wheat pasta. I enjoy every single bite.

Along with the pasta I made up some delicious Kale Salad. This is a great summer salad full of flavor. This salad has Kale, cranberries, dried apples, red onion, green onion and a dressing made with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, honey, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

I was very pleased with my eats today and continue to focus on feeding my body healthy "clean" food. I am attempting to leave my obsession over the scale behind. I am not quite there yet but I think it will continue to get better once I leave my trainer who hounds me about my weight each and every time I see him. I am looking forward to having that stress removed from my life.

It will get easier?

Well here is my dinner last night. I am excited about being back into some "normal" clean eating. When we returned back from Kirksville I had a lot of emotional eating going on, which I felt terrible about. I finally gave in and took a two hour nap and got up feeling better and ready to regroup. I cooked up some Dijon Crusted Tilipia with whole wheat couscous and broccoli a great meal and very satisfying. There was no need to have anything else last night.

It was so wonderful seeing my son again at his scrimmage at Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri. He is number 73 in the photo. He looks great and seems to be adjusting to college life quite well. I thought it would be easy seeming him and saying good bye but I was mistaken. Although I know this is a great place for him I guess part of me, being a mom, missed him needing me. I guess I can't expect to just stop wanting to do that when I have been doing it for him for eighteen years. Hopefully time will help.

I am going to attempt to start taking photos of my food again. But I just have to remember to do it. I had my delicious oat meal porridge this morning. I just love this stuff. I added a little banana to it this morning. YUMMY! I already know what I am having for lunch and I will make sure that I take pictures of it. I also will be taking some picture of myself. I have a new online trainer that I will be working with and she wants to see what she is looking at as far as my current physique. I will post those as well.

I found a new gym that I will be working out at and I am excited! Things are good and I am ready to start moving forward. Last training session with my current trainer will be the 29th and then I am ready to get going. Will start with my new online trainer, Kim, on the 31st.

Fresh!!

Sorry I have been gone for so long! But I had some really hard decisions to make. We got both kids off to school and now our house is empty, quiet and clean. Very strange.
I know I have talked about how unhappy I have been with my trainer and how torn I was on what the right thing to do was. Well I FINALLY made a decision. I told him yesterday that I would not be training with him for awhile. I did not go into all my reason I didn't feel like it was necessary. I told him it was financial which is not a complete lie. My husband has been out of work for 14 months and I have yet to find anything as well. I do believe this will help relieve a little stress not having to fork out that money each month. But of course with leaving comes all kinds of fear. Can I do this on my own? How will I do this? What should I eat? What kind of goals should I set myself? The list goes on and on. I am not sure of all the answers right now but I do know one thing I feel at peace with my decision and I am ready to move forward. His constant pyscho babble with not be missed. His constant hounding me about my weight will not be missed. I just want to train hard and transform my body!
I girl that I have know from Sparkspeople for quite some time has an online training service. I trust her and I will be talking with her today to pick her brain on where I should go from here. I have talked to quite a few people the last few days and the more I talk to them the more confused I become. Most just want my money and want to train me but I do not want to be put in a situation that I just got out off. I deserve more than that. I am going to listed to my gut! So far there is one guy that I would consider going to if I am not able to do this on my own. I am going to give myself three month doing it SOLO and see what happens.
I will finish up training with my trainer until the end of the month and then the new journey begins.
Stay tuned I will be blog my new journey.

Ready To Go!!

Have had a busy day and this afternoon I began prepping everything for our trip tomorrow. I have my three gallons of distilled water, six protein shakes, two serving of my oatmeal that is combine with 1 egg and three whites, fish for tomorrow night, chicken for the rest of the meals, ranch dressing and lettuce. I know that if you don't prepare to succeed you will fail. So I feel really good about it.
This times seems different to me I feel like my head is in the right place. It will be nice to know that when we return on Friday that I will be coming to the close of my third weeks. I have one more week and I have stuck it for a month! That is SO rewarding for me. After this week I will be a quarter of the way through this journey. I often have to look at things that way to help motivated me to continue going as well as letting myself realize how far I have come. So far so good.
Had a great training session and my trainer is thrilled with my progress. I was able to do 100 pound lat pull down with assistance today as well as seated dumbell curl and hammer curl using 20 pounds weight. I can begin to see the hard working paying off and it feels SO good.
I will blog on Friday or Saturday when I return. Hope everyone has a great week..

Day 16

Here we are the beginning of a new week. I am now starting my third week on my new eating plan and am holding the line quite well. I had my official weigh in at the gym and I weighed in at 150.2. So I have lost 2.2 pounds last week. I am still ahead of the 1.5 pounds that I had set up for myself. Had a great chest, shoulder and triceps work out today. My trainer says I am getting my strength back and is pleased with how I am doing.
My husband and I are planning to head to Michigan on Wednesday and will return home on Friday. So I plan on bring all my own food for this trip. Tomorrow I will cook up my fish and make sure I have enough chicken cook, if not, I will cook up some more chicken. I cut up lettuce yesterday and will have see if I have enough for the trip. I will also cook up my oatmeal and put that in containers so all I have to do is reheat. I have done this before and it makes things go so much smoother for me. My parents have come to accept this so it help make this SO much easier for me. I continue to take small step to help me get through the next 10 weeks. I have something to prove myself and that is why I am doing it. I want to prove that I do have the discipline to do this for 12 weeks. I have made attempt before but have always had some cheat and fallen off track. I want this time to be different and stick it out solid the whole time.
It truly is all in our minds. I continue fill myself with positive thought and remind myself daily and some times hourly why I am doing this and that I CAN do it!
Thank to everyone for your encouraging words it truly has help me keep everything going.

Day14

Today is day 14 of my new eating plan. The mind games are beginning and this is when I will need to dig deep and keep the course. I have begun to question why am I doing this? Can I do this? Will it be worth the sacrifice? I may not be able to answer those questions right now but I know if I given upat this point I will feel bad and defeated. I have had many obstacles that I have had to over come on my journey this one is no different. I will take it one day and one meal at a time. I know that I can be victorious because I have done it before. I texted my trainer last night asking for encouragement and this is his response: "This is all about you! No one can do it but you and that is all there is to it!" It is all about me and I am the only one that can do it. So now I must find a way to make it happen for me. What ever game or strategies I must come up with to just do it! My weight at the gym is currently 151.6. I figure in order to get to 139 I must lose about 1.3 pounds per week so at this point I am ahead of the game and I must continue to remind myself of that. I am use to instant gratification on my effort this is a different beast and I must approach it much different. Focus less on the scale number and more on my training. I must also figure out or come up with some thing to spend my time doing. I think I have WAY to much free time now that our nest is empty.
Did I tell you that the writer from clean eating emailed me? We are attempting to set up a phone interview the week of the 17th. I also have been talking to a writer for spryliving magazine who would also like to talk to me. This is very exciting and I love sharing with others what I have learned along my journey.
Off to eat meal #1

Transition Begins!

It has been a emotional and long past few days. Sorry I didn't blog but I needed the time to be with my son and family and start the Transition our family is about to begin.

We arrived in Kirksville on Wednesday evening around 6:30 pm. We spent the night in a hotel and we were able to get the key to the dorm room at 8:00 am on Thursday morning. This is a picture of his dorm hall from the main street.

This is a picture of the entrance is from the side door which we used to hall his stuff to is room. His room is on the first floor which made it very convenient and it wasn't to far down from this door. If anyone know my son, he is a very simple kind of kid. Not much to pack and bring along. He may decide after living there for a while of others things he might want and need.

His room mates parent and my husband and myself took a few hours to get stuff move around how they wanted it. It looks like it will work out quite well. We were able to walk around campus and help him get his gear and other things he needed to get started. We said our good byes around 4:00 pm. It was difficult but I felt like he is going to be OK. He was already playing xbox with a new team mate when we left.

I made it a whole ten minutes after leaving before the tears began. I am not worried about him because I have raised a great son and I know he will do great things. But I will miss seeing him every day and him just being around. This is a new part of my life that I will have to adjust to. Now about 10 more days and we will do it again when we move our daughter into her apartment.

I packed all my food for the trip and was on program 100% I was a little disappointed with the scale this morning thought I would see some sort of drop for all my hard effort. Nothing yet. I need to keep my mind in the game and just keep moving forward. Give it over to my trainer and let he figure out how I need to get the rest of it off.

No change in the food plan yet . Will see what he says on Saturday or Monday.