Punish

I had a interesting question ask to me yesterday: Kathi, Why do you continue to punish yourself? My mouth fell to the floor in shock. I couldn’t believe that this was something I could possibly be doing to myself. Ever since being asked the question it has been on my mind. So I decided to look up the meaning of punish
pun·ish
verb \ˈpə-nish\
Definition of PUNISH
transitive verb
1
a : to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation b : to inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation
2
a : to deal with roughly or harshly b : to inflict injury on : hurt
intransitive verb
: to inflict punishment
— pun·ish·abil·i·ty\ˌpə-nish-ə-ˈbi-lə-tē\ noun
— pun·ish·able\ˈpə-nish-ə-bəl\ adjective
— pun·ish·er noun

Was I really punishing myself? And the hardest question yet was why? I have yet to come up with the answer but I do want to find it. I do believe that once this question is answered I can finally begin to have peace with who I am.