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Moving to Wordpress

2011-05-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have decided to move the blog to wordpress.

You can find me here

Bacon and Babies

2011-05-17T17:46:00.001-07:00

I have tried SO many wonderful food slately and I apologize for not sharing it with you. But I have had this several times and finally took the time to take a picture to show you.

Eggplant bacon, who knew. When I ate animal product I would have never know anything like this even existed. It took me a while to get it just right and tonight I think I perfected.
Tonight I decided to cut it up and put it on a salad The salad included: romaine, red pepper, broccoli, shredded carrots, eggplant bacon, onion and tofu.

The dressing was from the appetite for reduction. It contained: cashews, miso, water, lemon juice, soy, capers, shallots , salt and pepper. This is a wonderful dressing and I have used it quite a bit the last few days. Another favorite way I use the dressing is to top my brown rice, tofu and steamed kale all mixed together with the dressing. Oh so good!

The babies were born! It was last week when my son was here. He took a peak in the basket and pulled away quickly. It was quite a site to see since my son is a 6' 4" football player. After he knew they were born he took a peak out the window quite often. I enjoyed the experience with him.

It was much easier to take these pictures when they were younger. I have to admit I am terrified of birds and have not been brave enough to go out there and look. The mom and dad birds are quite protective.

I tried to take the dog out there with me and I wore a hood and sun glasses and still did not have success taking a picture today. But they are growing quite quickly.

I have learned a lot about the birds by reading online. Hard to believe that they will be out of the nest in little over a week. If I get brave and get a more recent picture I will definately post it.

I am going to be a Momma!

2011-05-03T13:04:00.001-07:00

With a title like that I wish I had a way to know how many people had to open this to see what the heck was going on with me. No I am sorry to disappoint you that I am not pregnant nor is my daughter or anyone I know currently. Having said that. A few weeks ago to make the front porch look more inviting and have some curb appeal when selling the house we decided to fill our hanging basket with beautiful flowers. Little did we think that someone might like to use this for some thing else.
Can you see her in there. I had the zoom lens camera and was hoping to get a even closer shot of her but as I attempt to get closer with the zoom camera she was not liking it.

She is a very protective little mother. She is not happy when we are on the porch and I am not quite sure why she decided to pick the hanging basket closest to the front door but she did. As soon as she left the nest I could not resist taking a look. I could not quite see well and was afraid to get to close to the egg in the fear that my scent would cause her not to return to her eggs.

I just held the camera over the basket and clicked in the hopes that I would get a picture. It turned out fabulous. Aren't they most beautiful things you have seen.? Although it isn't really convenient having them there I am kind of excited awaiting the birth. I hope to be able to taking some pictures along the way.

Cupcake Anyone?

2011-05-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday Everyone! We had know showings on the house and I was kind of glad. Although I know that no showing means no interested lookers it was still nice the same.

I always like the weekends because I have more time in the morning to make a delicious breakfast. Anyone who has read my blog knows I love Carbo blueberry pancakes and it was calling my name this morning. I had no bananas and at first I panicked... I always have a mashed banana on my pancakes instead of syrup. What was girl to do? I am not always good at looking out of the box and most times I probably would have ran right to the store to get a banana but this morning was different. I looked in the refrigerator and saw that I had a few strawberries that needed to be eaten.. I had a great idea I would make a strawberry topping. I chopped up the strawberries add a little maple syrup and set it on the stove to cook. This is the result....

Chocolate and strawberries is one of my favorites and this did not disappoint. As you can tell I got my good camera back out today and had some fun taking pictures today. Of course I had to take a few pictures of this guy.

I have truly been feeling more like myself these last few weeks and this has include me back in the kitchen which I have truly enjoyed.

My husband had a tuna fish sandwich for lunch today and it got me thinking about a recipe in this book...

My mom had gotten me this book for Christmas and I have been enjoying making some recipes out of it. Todays lunch was Tuno Temph Sandwich. I had everything in the house and I had planned on making it last week but I have been trying to be good about eating left over before creating something new. Today was the day. I had cooked with Tempeh before but have never simmered it before using. This recipe had you simmer the Tempeh in vegetable stock for 25 minutes before using. I have read some where online that this helps reduce the bitterness that tempeh can some times have.

This recipe also called for Kelp powder which I have used before which helps give it a more fishy taste. I didn't quite get the fishy tase from this maybe I will use more kelp powder next time but none the less the sandwich was quite delicious.

And quite pretty. I had this with a side of carrots and cerlery with a dill dipping sauce that also came from the book. I nice satisfying lunch.

I have had sweets on my mind for quite some times and have to admit they scare the heck out of me. But now that I am trying to find peace in my life I have to come to terms with the fact that it is ok to sweets once and awhile and to avoid it would be cruel and just not living. So I decided instead of making a cake that I would make cupcakes, mini cakes. I saw that abby had posted a recipe for Vegan cupcakes and I knew I had to have them.

So we went grocery shopping and I got everything I need to create Snickerdoodle Vegan Cupcakes and this....

I love Basil and have always had a lot of luck growing it. I have wanted to grow a garden so bad this year and have to admit I am truly disappointed that it won't happen this years with selling the house. So I decided to do the next best thing and will be making several pots full of veggies. The basil will be the start of a pot that I will have full of herbs. I am thinking of cilantro, dill, parsley, chive and thyme.

Ok back to cupcakes.

The only real changes I made to Abbys recipe is that I replace the 1/3 cup of oil and used Apple Sauce instead and I use 1/4 cup of whole wheat pastry flour instead of all the flour being all-purpose flour. It was fun making the cinnamon and brown sugar swirl.

The smell that camesfrom these cooking in the oven was heaven. I have waited way to long to enjoy a litte of heaven. While the cupcakes cooled hubby and I took the dog for a walk. It wasn't as warm as yesterday and no sun. But it didn't rain and I enjoy all the time I can while hubby is home. Abby had a recipe for frosting but I just didn't want to have shortening in my frosting so I started to search blogs for another solution. And who else would provide me with that but my most favorite Vegan blogger of all: Oh She Glows

I made the Fluffy Almond Butter Cream Frosting

I wish I would have had a different tip to frost the cupcakes but I still think they turned out quite cute. I sprinkled the top with a little cinnamon and sugar mixture. I haven't tried the cupcake yet but I will say the frosting is cute good and I had a little too much of that. But life is worth living from time to time and the frosting was definately a part of it. I will have the cupcake as my after dinner treat. Hope you enjoy the pictures today.

Peace

2011-04-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Who said Vegan eating is boring? I have been SO enjoying my food and have really become to have peace around it. I finally just decided that my eating can be about what works for "ME" I can eat well and stay healthy and maybe, maybe losing a little but if I don't I know that I am perfect just the way I am.

I made this the other night and it was quite delicious. It was called cheezy macaroni with a side of broccoli. My new way of eating is to just make sure that I get a protein, carb and veggie with my lunch and dinner. This covered all bases.

I also bought Appetite for Reduction by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and will like to feature of some of the recipes that I have tried. I had one tonight and hope to let you know how it was very soon.

I also have to start taking pictures with the better camera lately I have been just a little lazy to get it out and use it but the pictures aren't the same with out it.

Thank you for all who read and that you have been patient with me while I have begin to have peace in who I am.

Waiting is the "HARDEST" part

2011-04-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

For some reason I thought that actually putting the house for sale would be the hardest part but I have to know believe that the waiting is. I some how feel like my life is on hold.
The house has to be picked up at all times and how do you really make any long term plans? I have been investigating taking a Nursing Refresher Course and they have one that starts up in August in Illinois. Just not sure where we will be in August. The big dilema is do I sign up for it anyway? I looked at Google and to drive to the school from wisconsin would be a little over an hour which I guess isn't too bad. The classes are only two days a week and only last until December. So at the moment I am leaning on just signing up and seeing what happens.
We have had about eight showing since putting the house for sale and have another one schedule for this week. So considering how the house market has been I find that very positive. Unfortunately, we haven't find the right family for our home or they haven't found our home.
I continue to try to stay postive and look forward to the day that my husband and I will be back to a normal life together.

For Sale!

2011-04-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

It is official the house went up for sale on Wednesday. I have so many emotions going through my mind these last few weeks and that is probably why I have been so absent from my blog. But there are so many wonderful supporting women in the blog world I need to be here for support. This is by far the room that I will miss the most. It is perfect! Why is it that you don't realize how wonderful things are until you have to leave them? Although there are thing I don't like about the house it has been our home for 15 years and it is where my children grew up. I know it is only a house and the memorize will go with me it is still tough. We have no idea how speedy of a sale we will have so we haven't given a whole lot of thought where we go once it sells. This may come back to bite us. Once we get back from my son's spring football game I think we will start looking. We haven't yet decided if we will buy another house or rent for now. For some reason renting seems more appealing at the moment. This will give us time to feel out the area we choose and give it a lot of thought in exactly what we want in a house next time around. We have done a lot of decluttering and getting rid of a lot of "stuff" and I hope to continue weeding out so that when it comes to moving time it won't be quite as bad. You have to remember we lived in this house for 15 years we have gathered a LOT of "stuff" (shit). I went and had a one hour session with Dawn Jackson Blatner yesterday and I have a new course of action on how I want to live my life around food. I am excited to begin to implementing so of this stuff and see where it takes me. I have come to realize that I have lost focus on the ability that I can do this any way "I" want and there is no right or wrong way. I have to continue to believe that I can do this all by myself with a little guidance from time to time. We have three showing today and am not sure what to think. But the house is clean and now we have to figure out what we are going to do for several hours with a 100 pound dog in tow. Could make for and interesting day. Hope everyone is well and I will continue to keep you update day on the progress here.

MIA

2011-03-08T13:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry for going MIA the last few days. I really enjoyed the time with the family and my son is here on Spring Break although we don't spend every waking moment together it is just nice knowing he is here.

My daughter and I went down to the Chopping Block in Lincoln Square on Saturday morning to attend Dawn Jackson Blatner's cooking class. If anyone is considering incorporating more plant based food into your diet you "HAVE" to get her book, The Flexatarian Diet" It is a wonderful book and I can't thank Abby enough for bring it into my life. I tell everyone about it.

We enjoyeds eating some wonderful vegetarian food Dawn prepared. I always leave her classes motivated to continue on my journey of healthy eating.

I wanted to show you what I made for my daughter to take home. I think I have talked about this before but I am going to talk about it again. I made her some homemade pitas. I remember when I made them for the first time I was so scared thinking they were difficult, I was wrong.

Pita Bread

1 1/8 cups warm water

3 cups all-purpose flour ( I use 1 1/2 cup white flour and 1 1/2 cup wheat flour)

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 1/2 teaspoons white sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

I put all the ingredients in my bread maker and put it on the dough setting and let it do all the work. Love that! When the dough is ready I turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface. Gently roll and stretch the dough into a eight inch rope. With a sharp knife, divide dough into 8 pieces. Roll each into a smooth ball. With a rolling pin, roll each ball into a 6-7 inch circle. Cover with a towel and let the pitas rise for about 30 minutes until slightly puffy. I put a pizza stone in the oven and turn the oven to 500 degrees. When the oven is ready put a pita on the stone and cook for 4 to 5 minutes. Do not over bake because you will lose your pocket. Take it from me I know. Remove from oven and immediately wrap in tin foil. After the pitas have cooled removed from tin foil and store in refrigerator or what I do is I freeze them and take them out when I needed them.

Roll out the eight ball in to 6-7 inch circle and let rise until slightly puffy.

This is one that has come right out of the oven. Look how puffy it is? This is what will form the pocket.

Place it immediately in a piece of tin foil and let cool. Seriously these are so easy and well worth the effort. Now that I gave all mine to my daughter I need to make a batch for myself. I love have them in the freezer for a quick lunch filled with beans or I use it to make pita pizzas.

Here is the BIG reason I was MIA for a few days! There is nothing like having the whole family back together even if it is just for a very short time. I treasure the time together.

Busy Beaver

2011-03-02T16:19:00.001-08:00

Has been a very busy day today but before I get into all the happening of today lets talk about last nights snack....
I knew that I had to use the Vitamix but I wasn't quite sure what to make so I just started throwing in stuff I had.

Chocolate almond milk, frozen strawberries, frozen bananas, cocoa powder and PB2. My first attempt I could not get it to mix and I was almost devastated but I added a little water and we were good to go. The result was fabulous take a look for yourself.

I love every last lick! I almost added agave into the mix but I have really been trying to stay away from as much sugar as possible so I felt that the strawberries and bananas was enough and I was right. Fabulous!

Today was another beautiful sunny day. I was side track from a phone call from a friend who needed a listening ear so I ate some blueberries and coleslaw while talking to her. After our conversation I was out the door for a good 60 minute walk. It really does feel good to be out doors again.

I started making a cake for my sons birthday on Friday and vegan treats for my daughter to take home. As I was going about doing this I started to nibble and it was a clue for me to stop and have a satisfying and substantial meal. So I made a nice big salad and added some "chik" nuggets in. Hit the spot.

Now you may be asking about the vegan treats. Here is two of the ones I made I have one more yet to make. I didn't even take a bite of these because I know where that will go and daughter won't have any to take home.

This recipe is from Oh She Glows These are called Raw Energy Cookie Bites and

I had just enough dates to make both cookies.

I also made a batch of cookie balls. I was trying to find the link for this recipe but I gave up. I think some times I just have way to many recipes. This is a easy, quick and simple.

1/4 cup cashews

1/2 cup dates

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 tablespoon brown sugar

Put everything in a food processor and blend. Couldn't be any easier than that. Don't tell my daughter I will tell her I slaved for hours making them. ha ha! I didn't get to making her the pita bread so I will do that tomorrow.

But all in all I had a very productive today. Now I am off to make dinner for me and hubby it is always a late dinner on Wednesday when he comes home. I ate the salad late so I am good.

Fried bean sandwiches! Yummy! I will post a picture of that tomorrow. This is actually a recipe we both can enjoy together. Love that!

Let it Shine, Let it Shine, Let it Shine

2011-03-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

I knew it was going to be a good day when I was taking the train into work this morning and the sun was shining! There is something about the sunshine that makes me happy! So I made sure I took advantage of it and took the dog for a walk as soon as I got home from work today. I had to cut the walk short today but was able to get in a good 2 mile walk, felt SO good.

After talking with my Wellness Coach I had a plan of how I was going to tackle the next couple of days. Both my daughter and son will be coming home this weekend and I want to spend as much quality time as I can and no stress which can cause me to be a little on the crabby side and I do not want that for this weekend. So after my phone call I immediately did my weight training which felt great and then I head out the door to pick up birthday presents. (both my husband and son's birthday are this weekend (son on Friday and hubby on Sunday)

I came home and had thought about making a big dinner and I rethought things and figure it is just me while don't I just enjoy the evening and having a no fuss dinner tonight.

I had some In a Jiffy Spelt Veggie burgers in the freezer so I threw those in the toaster oven and toast up some Ezekiel bread. When everything was ready to go I just spread on some tomato paste and spinach. This is one of my favorite dinners.

I didn't want to forget about the veggies so I made a little plate along with one of my favorite hummus recipes. I remember when I made this for the first time I wasn't sure if I really liked it but now it is one of my favorite hummus recipes.

Black Bean & Orange Hummus

From Eat, Drink and be Vegan

2 1/2 cups cooked black beans

1/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice

2 1/2 tablespoons almond butter

1 large clove garlic, sliced

1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil

3 tablespoons red wine vinegar

3/4 teaspoon sea salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon coriander

1/2 cup fresh parsley

1 teaspoon orange zest, grated

freshly ground black pepper to taste

1-2 tablespoons parsley, chopped (for garnish)

In a food processor, combine all ingredients (except parsley for garnish) and puree until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl several times. Transfer to a serving bowl and garnish with parsley.

Oh this is SO good! Love it love it! Let me know if you give it a try and what you think.

Are you ready for the big surprise? I can't hear you? Are you ready?

Isn't it beautiful? This arrive last night after I got home from Yoga and it was too late to play around with it but I am hoping to make something with it tonight that I can enjoy while I am watching Biggest Loser. I will give you a full recap tomorrow.

Have a great evening!

What is your favorite easy recipe that you go to when you want a quick meal?

I love having frozen veggie burgers in the freezer just a quick and easy meal. I also like to make salads or plain and simple left overs.

Have you gotten anything lately that you have been wanting for a long time?
The vitamix is one of the things that I thought I would never be able to purchase. Thank to my wonderful mom she say this on sale on QVC and I just could not beat the price. Thanks mom!

Do you feel happier when the sun is shining?
I feel so different when the sun in shining I am not sure if was because of the long and dreary winter but it was a welcome to see.

Breath Of Fresh Air

2011-02-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

As I was riding home on the train this morning the sun began to shine! It was so wonderful to see. I have to admit I was getting tired of dreary days! So I knew what I was going to do when I got home. As soon as I arrived home went to the bathroom, laced of the sneakers, put the lease on the dog and we were off! Although it wasn't very warm out it felt SO good to be in the sun. I was feeling so good that I decided to take the longer route today. We went about four miles in less than 60 minutes! It was fabulous and I can't wait for spring.

When hubby and I were out grocery shopping this weekend I had remember I saw this wonderful gem at Whole Foods

I have seen them in the blog world and when I saw it I knew I just had to have it. So I casually told hubby about it. He was sweet enough to drop by Whole Foods. I didn't realize it was going to be quite so expensive and I wasn't sure he was going to be so willing to spend that much. But as you can see I have it! I really like it because it is glass there is just something about drinking out of plastic that isn't quite as appealing.

Well I finally decided to make something new tonight for dinner. After my walk and eating lunch I decided to whip this dish up so that it could marinate while I was off to Yoga. And this is what was waiting for me after a nice Yoga session.

I wasn't quite sure how it was going to be when I put it together but it was quite delicious and quite filling too.

It some time is nice not having hubby here so that I can experiment with new eats. I am sure he would not have given this one a taste.

I served it along with some steamed Kale that I sprinkle with a little bit of seasoned rice vinegar. It was absolute perfect. I may have had a little more after this was gone.

I got this recipe from the 21 days kickstart program that PCRM (physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine) does a couple times a year. I have never actually followed the whole 21 day program but I did print all the recipes and menus.

Hoppin' John Salad

Makes about 10 1/2 cup servings

2 cups cooked blacked-eyed peas, or 1 15 ounce can black-eyed peas, drained

1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice

1/2 cup finely sliced green onions

1 celery stalk, thinly sliced (about 1/2 cup)

1 tomato, diced

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley

1/4 cup lemon juice

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 -2 garlic cloves, crushed

Combine black-eyed peas, rice, green onions, celery, tomato, and parsley in a mixing bowl. In a small bowl, mix together lemon juice, oil, salt, and garlic and pour over the salad. Toss gently. Chill 1 to 2 hours if time permits

It was fabulous! I really liked it and I can't wait to have it again tomorrow for lunch. (one bad thing about being the only one that eats it) A lot of left overs and I don't like to waste left overs.

I received something very special in the mail today and I can't wait to show you. But it will have to wait until tomorrow since I want it to have a grand entrance!

Also would like to share with a few new books I have been reading that I have found quite interesting. But it is getting late and 5:00 am comes quite early and a girl needs her beauty sleep. So until tomorrow..... Have a great evening!

Just Breath

2011-02-26T05:26:00.000-08:00

I must remain calm and focus on my breathing and know that everything will be all right. I made the "HUGE" mistake of getting on the scale today. I am still in shock and not sure yet what to do with the information. I have not weighed this much in quite some time. I am disappointed, confused and so much more. I truly have felt like I have been on the right path, The binges are almost nonexistent. I continue to feed my body with non processed foods. I have almost completly cut out white sugar and white flour. So what am I doing wrong?
So what do I do with this information? Do I just hope that eventually it will turn around? Do I go back into my controlling ways? Or do I continue to be loving and kind to my body and wait and see?
Although in the past I have wanted to take control immediately and make it better but as I sit here and think has it truly served me? I know I am so much more than a number on the scale but some how I wished that if I chose wisely what i put in my body that I could have it all. I could have a body that I could be content with and enjoy all the wonderful foods I love.
I sit here not even quite sure what move to make next. I feel like some times you can learn so much more in just the silence to just sit with it. So that is what I am choosing to do. I am not going frantically to another diet full of restrictions and exercise I am going to sit with peace and pray that I can find "MY" way. I will continue to listen to my body and my soul and know what it right for me. And if my body chooses to be heavier but yet peaceful and content then I want to embrace it.

Eats and Emotions

2011-02-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

Always start out with a positive right? Let's talk about my dinner yesterday. I just got done reading a book called "Veganist" by Kathy Freston and she had recommend Gardein as a transition food if you are considering gradually reducing the amount of animal meat you eat. When I saw this at Meijer I knew I had to get it. I had cooked a little of it last week in some spaghetti sauce and hubby said it wasn't too bad. So when trying to figure out dinner last night I thought I would incorporate it into dinner.

I cooked some onion and garlic in a little oil and then diced this "chicken" in to pieces added it to the onions and also added some black beans since I didn't think two pieces was going to be enough. I added cumin and some tomato sauce and let it simmer. I put this filling inside some low carb tortilla and topped it off with some homemade enchilada sauce and some vegan cheddar cheese. Cover with tin foil and baked at 400 degrees for 25 minutes.

I didn't think it looked to bad but I have gotten use to this way of eating since I haven't eaten meat, cheese or dairy for quite some time. I think my husband had other feelings.

Since it was late by the time my husband came home I had eat a salad earlier to keep me tied over until he got home so I had two of these for dinner. Hubby said it was ok but would much rather have really cheese. sigh....I guess I just keep trying with him. Some how dinner didn't feel complete with out dessert tonight.
So I made hubby and me each on of these.....

I saw this on Averie's site and I have tried several of her other recipes and this was quite and easy so I had to give it a try. It did not disappoint. The recipe is as follows:

1 mashed banana

1/2 cup oatmeal

1/4 cup brown sugar

optional: 1 tb cocoa, 1 tb coconut flakes, 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tb chia seed

For hubbys he had everything but the chia seeds he doesn't care for those. For me I had used brown rice syrup instead of the brown sugar and i forgot to put the chia seeds in. I thought it was perfect!

You just mix it together spray a bowl with nonstick spray put the mix in the bowl and cook for 2-4 minutes in the microwave! It is wonderful when you are just needing a little something. Fabulous.

That was yesterday today was a totally different day. I had to remind myself that this blog I was going to keep it real and that is what I intend to do. Today has been a very emotional day and I comforted myself with food. I am not happy about I know beating myself about it will not change it and I have to move forward the best I can. Did I fill my body with crap? No I can be proud of myself for that. Did I fill my body with so much food that I was sick and wanted to throw up? ( I have done that in the past) no. Was I able to stop before I was to full? yes So in doing this small check on myself I can walk away knowing that I did the best that I could and that I should be proud of myself for how really far I have come. It wasn't too long ago that I would have eaten to the point that I wanted to die reaching for any thing and everything I could. I am growing I am learning. It may not be at a pace that I want to but I must be kind and loving to myself knowing that I am moving forward every so slowly?

Are you an emotional eater? Have you use any strategies that maybe helpful when dealing with emotional eating? I would love to hear your thoughts.

The Universe Speaks?

2011-02-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought that the universe can send you messages? Kind of like Karma? For example you start thinking about some one and then they call you or you have a night where you question why you are even on this earth and then the next morning you get two emails that prove you wrong. This is exactly what happened to me today. Yesterday my cycle began and with it came the wonderful emotions. Wonder why these emotions can't be positive? I sat home alone feeling down and out having the question "What am I doing with my life do I have a purpose?" This morning I received and up lifting email check in from Abby which was nice to receive and the other.... From Sheri, someone I didn't know existed until today. She had come across my blog and decided to drop me a note. Sheri I am sure you don't even realize by doing that one small thing how much it impacted me. When I started this blog it was just going to be a place that I could come to write my thoughts but little did I know that someone would want to read them. I guess I was wrong. I really enjoyed blogging so why did I stop? I guess once I realized that others where going to read it and I visited other blog mine seems so insignificant. I began judging my blog against others and with it sucked all the joy out of it. I guess that has happen in a lot of the endeavors I have attempted. My own fears have stopped me from doing things that I enjoy. What a wonderful realization. I can continue to pick and choose how I want to do things and if it people joy it wonderful if not that's ok too.
So I want to blog again. I love food and health which I could talk about for hours. Ask my poor husband, mmm maybe that is why he took a job that he is only home four days out of the week.
I plan on sharing some of the wonderful eat I have been enjoying and some of the soul searching I have been doing these days. It seems a lot of us women are heading down the same path: peace, happiness and self acceptance. There is a huge community of wonderful women in the blog world to support each and everyone of us on our journey if we are willing to reach out and share our experiences and a words of support. Who knew that one small email could make such a significant impact one someone? I know it happened to me.
Tonights dinner I made Vegan enchiladas. Not sure how the hubby will like this one but I was pretty proud of myself kind of winged it and put it together so I am excited to see how they turned out. I will post details of the dinner tomorrow.
Thanks for reading and inspiring me to continue on my every winding road. As we know roads are not straight and smooth there are many detours, dumps, curves etc... But the ride can be filled with wonderful things to see and people to meet along the way.

Rambling Thoughts

2011-02-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

I realized today on my walk outdoors (the weather is almost 50) that I have a lot of stuff going on in my mind and thought the best way is to get them all out to see. This post is not filled with facts but only the inner thought of my mind.

As many of you have followed my blog know of my journey. But at this point in my life I have to admit I am just plan old tired. Tired of the constant worries of what and what not to eat, how long and how hard to do cardio and how heavy and how many reps to lift. I am simply just plan tired. I am tired of pushing myself which in return has only in some ways pulled me even further away from a sense of peace in my life. I am ready for peace, content and joy. I think at some point on my journey my focus when wrong. At some point it became no longer about Kathi. I am ready now to love Kathi and that may be softer, larger , smaller..etc... I don't know and this point I am starting to only strive for a sense of peace. A peace that I am ok at this very moment because I am exactly has god intended me to be.

Another struggle I have been facing is finding a way to financial help my family. I am currently in a job that provides very little joy for me and part of me realize it but feels like there is no way out. Since my husband lost his job almost three years ago life definately has changed and not all for the worse. But it has also brought about additional stresses on our relationship. My husband had to take a job that wasn't ultimately a job that he loves but took it in order to help support his family. With this job he only is home three days out of the week. Although I consider myself a very independent women it does take its toll. I know that I have SO much to offer and share from my experiences and the passions that I have but the big question I continue to fall back on is how can I make a living at it? Its frustrating and I feel frozen. I realize that is not the type a person I am, I am doer but why does this one seem so much more difficult? I continue to brainstorm with Abby, my wellness coach and she has been a tremendous sense of support for me. But ultimately I have to be the one to do the work. I am so ready to live a full filled life and that will include doing some thing that I love. I have decided that I will keep my nursing license current and active and I do hope that some facility may considering hiring at some point. Little did I know that the fall I experience almost eight years ago would have such a impact on a career that I enjoyed.

I also want to increase my social support. I have a few wonderful and dear friend and I am grateful for them in my life but I feel like I have limited myself from others that could provide some much additional joy into my life. I have given great thought to starting a meet up group in my area for vegans. I want it to be called vegan 101 and it would be for new vegan or people considering the life style or just interested in learning more about it. If any one has any thought or idea on this I would love to hear them.

It feels good to have written just this small portion of what is going on in my mind. If doing this bring a small sense of peace for me it was well worth writing.

What's a "Complete" protein anyway?

2011-01-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

As I continue to embark on this vegan lifestyle I continue to encounter more and more things that I have never really thought about before. This excites me to fill my brain with knowledge about the things our bodies need and what they are all about.

In this post I would like to continue talking about protein. Last post I talked about how much protein we need and examples of how to get it through a plant based diet. In this post I would like to talk about, why we need protein, what a protein actual is and can we get "complete" protein from a plant based diet.

With all the hype around the whole protein things I thought it might be nice to know why we need it. Protein is essential for many bodily processes these include building and repairing tissue. But protein is also used to make enzymes, hormones and other body chemicals. It is also a very important building block of bones, muscles, cartilage, skin and blood. Plus, your hair and nails are mostly made up of protein.

So what is protein anyway? Proteins are made up of a long strip of a smaller components called amino acids. There are twenty different amino acids you need for good health. Of the twenty different amino acids only 12 are manufactured by the human body. The remaining 9 amino acids can not be made by the human body so it is "essential" for us to get them from our diet. That is how these 9 amino acids are also referred to as "essential amino acids".

When you hear the term complete protein being thrown around it is merely the fact that it also contains the essential amino acids. When we begin to label foods as being either complete or incomplete this begins to say that some protein are better for you than others.

All animal proteins are complete including red meat, poultry, seafood, eggs and dairy. But it also complete with saturated fat, cholesterol, hormones, antibiotics, and unsavory things like E. Coli. Unlike vegetarian protein, animal protein is high in saturated fat, are very acidic, and lack phytonutrients, water, antioxidants, enzymes and fiber. Vegans will be happy to know that complete proteins can also be obtained through certain plants such as soy, spirulina, hemp seeds, amaranth, buckwheat and quinoa. Other plant proteins are only slightly incomplete. But these foods can be combined to make complete proteins like pairing beans with rice or corn. Other combinations would include beans and seeds, beans and nuts and beans and grains. So when you eat hummus and pita bread, nut butter and whole grain bread, pasta with beans, veggie burger on bread, split pea soup with whole grain bread and tortillas with refried beans you are eating complete proteins.

The next time you eat nut butter on whole grain bread not only are you having a vegan meal you have also having a complete protein that you need for a healthy body. As long as you're eating a variety of plant based foods you are getting a complete proteins.

Also a recent study shows that beans and grains don't need to be eaten at the same meal, so if you eat beans for lunch and rice with dinner you've gotten yourself a complete protein.
You may even spread your food combinations over a two day period.

Next time you have concerns about getting "complete" protein rest assured that if your eating a well balanced diet with or without animal products you are on the right track.

Where's the Beef?

2011-01-23T14:04:00.001-08:00

Who doesn't remember that slogan? Living in a worl that has a high emphasis on eating animal products it is no wonder a big question from people when I tell them I am a vegan is : What to you eat? Where do you get your protein?

As I began this journey as a vegan I have filled a lot of my time educating myself on this lifestyle and I have to admit I find it fascinating.

One major concern for me has always been protecting my heart. Many of you may not know that my older brother, Mike, died of a heart attack at the age of 40. His death began a spark in me to change my life around and that included a healthy heart. Heart disease is the number one killer of women in the United States. It is NOT breast cancer. Among other lifestyle habits eating meat is a major contributor. Meat contains lots of saturated fat. Saturated fat elevates your blood cholesterol, and causes clogged arteries. Clogged arteries leads to high blood pressure or even worse a stroke or a heart attack. No meat is truly a low-fat food. Because saturated fat is marbled throughout the muscle, and the cholesterol is found in the cell membranes of the meat itself, trimming the excess fat off does help some but don't feel that your not consuming any excess fat. It seems that only a plant-based diet protects the heart. Dr William Castelli, director of the Framington Heart study, says a low-fat plant based diet would lower an individuals risk of heart attack by 85 percent. 85 percent! Now you can see why this diet really woke me up. We can change our chances of a heart attack. I don't know about you but I plan to be around a long time to see my grandchildren and maybe even my great grandchildren.

So how much protein do we really need? By what I have been reading the USDA recommends a daily allowance of about 0.36 grams of protein for every pound of body weight. And even some doctors says this is eve on the high side. So for an average 130 pound women that equals to about 47 grams of protein. The average American adult consumes between 100-120 grams of protein every day. A majority of that comes from high-fat animal products.

You may be asking yourself like a lot of people do, What do you eat Kathi? This part excites me and I could talk all day about all the wonderful things I eat and I hope to begin to share those with you. If your my friend on facebook I have began to post pictures of some of the things I have been eating.

Here is a list of some of the plant foods high in protein.

almonds 1/4 cup 7.4
black beans 1 cup 15
broccoli 1 cup, ckd 5
black eyed peas 1 cup 13
brown rice 1 cup, ckd 9
chickpeas 1 cup 15
Kale 1 cup, ckd 2
Lentils 1 cup 18
Oatmeal 1 cup, ckd 6
Quinoa 1 cup, ckd 6
Tempeh 1 cup 30

This is just a small sample of all the wonderful plant based food you can get your protein from. If you are eating a well-balanced vegan diet, meaning you are consuming a wide variety of high quality food like vegetables, greens, sprouts, legumes, tempeh, beans, nuts, grains and so on then you will certainly meet your protein needs.

So the next time you ask yourself, "where is the beef?" Think twice that animal products aren't the only way to get the protein you need for a healthy body.

Gone Vegan

2011-01-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

Yes you have read that correctly. This meat eating girl has gone to the other side so to speak! I have been SO inspired by several vegan bloggers that I have decided to give it a try. I have struggled to find peace with myself and I had to look hard and deeper for what it is "I" want to do with my eating. Not what everyone thinks that I should do. I reflected back and when I was eating the vegetarian diet a while back I felt like I looked and felt my best so at that moment it was decided.
I went vegetarian again back in August and haven't eaten meat since. I have to admit I do not miss it one bit. The vegan part start in January. Before that it was usually egg and cheese that I had in my diet. They seemed to be the most difficult to give up. But I have found the vegan cheese to help satisfy that.
I also have done a lot of reading on factory farming and the horrible conditions they animals have to endure just so that I can eat them. It weighed heavy on my heart especially when I really didn't need to eat them to survive. So it was decided then and there that I did not want to pretend any more that it wasn't happening I was ready to act. I have to say it gives me some small sense of peace knowing that I am making a small impact on that.
I have so much wonderful things to share about my journey on this vegan lifestyle and I hope to be able to share that with you in the next few post. I often get asked what do you eat and how do you get protein. By what I have been reading these are typical question most vegans are asked.
I look forward to sharing this journey with you and maybe even convince some of you to give it a try! Ok I am wish right?

Emotions

2010-11-16T17:13:00.000-08:00

Emotions that I try so hard to keep in check at all times came flooding out of me today with out a warning. I was frightened by them and was unprepared how to handle them. I have always had difficulty reaching out to anyone and telling them how I truly felt. Today I called someone. Not a friend or family but some one I knew could help me acknowledge what I was feeling. I held the phone in my hand for a long time before I made the call but I did.
I know that I have put on quite a bit of weight and have extreme difficulty excepting that but yet I do not want to be defined by a number. So I continue to stay away from the scale. Is it good or bad I don't know but I do not want to react with extreme diet measures that is NOT how I want to live my life. I have to admit I am frustrated. So I sit with my thoughts which is difficult .

Unexpected Vistor

2010-10-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

I had unexpected vistor visited me yesterday. She had not come a round in a very long time, 8 month to be exact. I had mixed emotions about her arrival and I was suprised what her visit evoked in me.

She left as I strived to become something I thought I needed to be. She left with no explanation and I was confused about her departure. I never truly thought about it and what it really meant by her sudden disappearance. She symbolized a healthy body. Not a body that began to shut down normal function because of it low body fat status. She was much smarter than I gave her credit for. She sensed famine and knew there was no way that she could support it. So she left not to return for a long time, waiting in the shadows for a healthier time.

I have work hard to try to become a healthy me and she must have also sensed that I have made great strides in achieving that because she returned in all her glory. Have I missed her? I not like this...

Off for the midol and heating pad....

What a difference six months can make

2010-10-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

It was hard for me to look at these picture together. The girl above was working out several hours a day and eating pretty much chicken, fish, oatmeal, eggs, protein powder, broccoli and green beans. She was desperate to become what she thought she needed to be.

And I see this women today. Still searching for her happy place. She has yet to have peace with her body. I write this blog today for myself to help me find some peace. Part of me knows the "skinny" girl was not at a peacful place. But I have to admit I loved how my clothes fit and that you could see all the wonderful definition I have work so hard to see. I did not like how thin my face became and how all the veins where popping out of my body. I just didn't feel femine. Aren't women suppose to have curves? It is ok to have bigger thighs, legs and a butt? Is that what my womanly body is? I continue to struggle with what I see in the mirror I long to fit into all the wonderful clothes I once wore with pride. I am not sure that I want to work so hard to keep that. The skinny girl had to work out alot which caused her to shelter herself from the people she loved. She no longer went out or got together with people. It was all about working out and keep a strict diet then. She was usually physically exhausted to really enjoy much of anything.

I remember the day I hit rock bottom. I had come of a huge bingesand was in my room sobbing alone. I decided to reach out to the one person that I knew loved me the most, my husband. I called to him to come to our room. I looked at him crying and told him I needed his help that I could no longer live like this. It was difficult for me to admit I no longer had control. I do believe it was the moment I began to take action to learn to love myself. I still struggling with the whole concept and I continue to work with a wonderful professional to help me see all the wonderful things I have to offer the world beside a thin body. I know this will take time and that I may have to leave the skinny girl and clothes behind. I have to admit it has been difficult.

But as the name of my post said what a difference six months can make. I hope to be able to make this statement again from a place of self acceptance and peace with who I am

Punish

2010-10-01T09:52:00.001-07:00

I had a interesting question ask to me yesterday: Kathi, Why do you continue to punish yourself? My mouth fell to the floor in shock. I couldn’t believe that this was something I could possibly be doing to myself. Ever since being asked the question it has been on my mind. So I decided to look up the meaning of punish
pun·ish
verb \ˈpə-nish\
Definition of PUNISH
transitive verb
1
a : to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation b : to inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation
2
a : to deal with roughly or harshly b : to inflict injury on : hurt
intransitive verb
: to inflict punishment
— pun·ish·abil·i·ty\ˌpə-nish-ə-ˈbi-lə-tē\ noun
— pun·ish·able\ˈpə-nish-ə-bəl\ adjective
— pun·ish·er noun

Was I really punishing myself? And the hardest question yet was why? I have yet to come up with the answer but I do want to find it. I do believe that once this question is answered I can finally begin to have peace with who I am.

5K?

2010-09-30T09:06:00.001-07:00

I have been giving much thought to attempting a 5K. I volunteered to help at a 5K event this past weekend. This was my first experience even witnessing one up front and personal. It was so interesting to see all the different types of runners and I am sure they all had different reason for running the event. It gave me a weird desire to attempt one.
I have never been a runner and never had much desire to do so. Cardio was cardio and that is all it has been for me. But could it be something different?
Many of you may not know my story and I am hoping to tell it soon on my blog along with photos. Anyway... about five years ago I had a normal fall on the ice with devastating results. I feel and broke my patella(kneecap). I never ever thought it a millions years that I would be able to run on it. I have done interval training most of the time not pushing the knee to much. But the last few days I have been attempting to run on it. I have not yet attempt pavement and not sure how the knee will do with that. I have been running on the treadmill and am working toward being able to do a 5K on the treadmill with out stopping. I also plan on attempting to run on the pavement. I am considering doing this Saturday. I have been wearing my knee brace for the longer amounts of time running with out stopping and that seems to be helping a lot.
So this week I am attempting to run 1.5 miles with out stopping three times this week. I made my first attempt on Tuesday and it went well. I was able to set the pace on the treadmill for a 10 minute mile and was able to complete it in a little over 15 minutes. Was it easy? Oh heck no several times during the run I wanted to stop and tell myself that I couldn't do it but I keep at it and felt good when I complete it.
So the my ultimate goal: to run a 5K without stopping in under 30 minutes. But I must be patient and kind to myself and take it slow and easy and see how the knee does. There is a 5K that my son's girlfriend is organizing and I thought that might be a great thing to shoot for. It will be held some time in the spring so I have plenty of time to work on it.
Have any of you done a 5K? How was it? How did you prepare for it? I am eager to hear from you .

Changed?

2010-09-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

I continued to be inspired so many blogs and they continue to bring me back to the same old question: Change. I would like to say that I have changed and that all my bad habits and attitudes are a distant memory but I would only be fooling myself.
Food continues to control me and my exercise habit take priority above almost anything. I feel like I am on the roller coaster that keeps me spinning and I always return to the same spot.
It saddens me to think that at the age of 45 that I have yet to discover what so many others have: Self love and acceptance.
I say that I want it but I some time avoid like the plague. What would happen if I truly accepted and loved myself? What would my time be spent doing if I could not obsess about my weight and what I choose to put into my body?
I continue to read blog that inspire me and I hope will help me continue to keep fighting. Fighting for acceptance, love and peace.

Ready for some "FOOTBALL?"

2010-08-29T05:41:00.001-07:00

We arrived home from the football game around 5:30 last night. I was hot sweaty and glad to be home. Of course I didn't sit down I got busy right away. I chopped salad and cabbage for dinner. For dinner I had two of these:
"In a Jiffy Spelt veggie burgers" I just love these and I like having a supply in the freezer at all times. I had two of them both put one slice of ezekiel bread with homemade tomato paste and spinach, YUM! I also had a big side salad. I cooked up some cabbage but decided not to eat it and save it for another day. I am really trying to focus more on veggies as my main stable for dinners and everything else a smaller side. I had to share what I made Friday night for dinner.

I made a delicious homemade pizza. I threw the ingredients for the pizza dough in my bread maker and let it do the work. This crust turns out fabulous and I love the fact that I just put it in the machine and let it go.

I topped it with a little olive oil with crushed garlic, fresh sliced plum tomatoes, basil and mozzarella.

Fabulous. I packed up a few cold pieces for a quick lunch at the football game. I love cold pizza. Of course I fed the "meat" eater a italian sausage pizza. He was quite delighted. Still trying to find our happy medium for the meater eater and nonmeater.

Are you ready for some football?

Our son is number 73. We lovedfootball and we were eager to see how the team was going to do this year. They have a whole new coaching staff. This is our sons first year of eligibility as a sophomore at Truman State University. We were thrilled to hear that he was able to be a part of the traveling team and conventionally the first game was a short two hours from our home.

Although he did not see any playing time today it was great to be able to spend a little time with him after the game and it is always great to see him suited up. They looked pretty good but definately have some things to work on. They ended up winning the game 23 -13.

I decided to take the weekend off from any formal exercise. I can't rememeber the last time I took some major down time. Have you every taken a few days off from exercise? Did you feel guilty about it? Was it difficult to get back in the swing after taking a few days off? I am really trying to focus on listening to my body and being ok "relaxing" a little.

Who says you "NEED" meat?

2010-08-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

It has been over a week since I have eaten meat and I have to say I am not really missing it. I have never been a huge meat lover and this vegetarian diet has been working out wonderfully. I have been truly enjoying all my eats and isn't that what life is all about? Enjoyment!
Tonight I made a spicy tofu rueben sandwich...
Doesn't it look devine? It was ezekiel toasted bread, tofu fried into brown and crispy.

Saurkraut, swiss cheese....

And a sauce made of lite mayo, ketchup, sweet pickle relish and a little hot sauce. You have to give this a try it was fabulous. I could have easily eaten two of these. I also fried up some cabbage and topped it with mustard and splenda. Yes I haven't quite been able to give up everything. I am working on it!

I went to my therapist today and we did a hypnosis session. Have you every done hypnosis? What are you thought about it? It was so relaxing and I felt really good after. I am hopeful it will help me to a better, more full filling life.

Hubby was gone to a business open house so he was probably thrilled to finally be able to eat meat! Does anyone live with a partner who is not a vegetarian/vegan? How do you cook your meal? It has been kind of hard. Part of me want him just to jump the the bandwagon with me and another part want to respect his wishes. I hope we can find a happy medium so where.

I have been really tired all week and not sure if I have had the best workouts. Part of me want to just give my body a break and rest a few days but another part wants me to suck it up and just do it. Do you every have this? How do you deal with it?

My son called yesterday and he made second team for the football team. So he will be traveling with the team for the first game. We are thrilled for him. He has worked hard and it has truly paid off for him. The bonus for us is that the first game is in Indiana and is only 2 hours from our home. We will be going to the game. I am excited and looking forward to seeing him.

Tomorrow is Friday! I thought it would never get here.

Yes, I don't know, No!

2010-08-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

I have never been good about making a decision and today was no different. One of my "BIG" dreams it to run my own restaurant. I have never cook in a restaurant and so I made a decision a few weeks ago that I would attempt to find a job working in a commercial kitchen. This would give me a big wake up call as to what it is "REAL" like. I saw a job for a cook position at a local nursing home. I filled out the application and pretty much forgot about it since I have ZERO experience. They called me today and wanted to interview today. Of course I was a nervous wreck! I talked to my husband and he cheered me on and told me I had NOTHING to lose. He told me to just be myself. So that is what I did. I really enjoy the lady who interviewed me and she was willing to give me a chance if I wanted. I would have to act quickly if I wanted to take it. She told me if I wanted the job that I would have to have a drug test and physical today and go to orientation tomorrow and Friday. I sat there in shock and did not know what to say. When I finally could speak I told her that I would to found out from my current employer if I could get tomorrow and Friday off and that I would call her and let her know by 3:00. It was around 1:30 when I left. My mind was racing and I had know idea what to do. First I told myself Yes and then I said I don't know. I called my husband immediately for support. He is always so calm in these kinds of situation. He told me that I would have to decide for myself if it was really worth it or not and only I could decide. I had to really sit down and think about it. It was really difficult because I really wanted to have an opportunity to work in a kitchen and get some experience behind my belt but it was such little notice and the following week I would have to do orientate and work my other job which meant working seven days. I just didn't think I could do it. I finally made my decision if they truly wanted me to work there they would work something out. I called her and said that I was not able to make orientation with such short notice from my other employer. She said ok and maybe next time. I have to admit I was heart broken. I felt like this would only be my opportunity. Deep down inside I felt what they were asking from me wasn't fair to me and that I deserved better. I know part of my emotions was based on not wanting to let anyone down but it ultimately it came down to what was best for ME. I really am proud of myself and this was huge for me.

This past weekend I saw a recipe from Heather for Seitan. I cooked it up and it has sat in my refrigerator every since. I had no idea what to do with and I have to admit I was scared to try it. But I decided to do it tonight.

I have a recipe for Mongolian Beef and I thought it was a perfect way to hide it from my husband.

I started of by cutting up the seitan in to beef type slices and coating it with cornstarch.

Next I cooked it up in oil until it started to brown.

Then I added the sauce. Doesn't it look delicious? The sauce was a combination of soy sauce, water, brown sugar and red pepper flakes.

I served it over brown rice. The verdict: I "LOVED" it! I am so glad that I was willing to give it a chance. And for my hubby: I almost had him fooled he said it looked just like beef but it had not quite as "robust" flavor. I don't if he was trying to convince himself that he didn't like it as much as beef or not. I am really looking forward to cooking with it again.

I also added a delicious big salad to go with it. I haven't been eating quite as much vegetables as I would like so this was perfect. This meal was very satisfying and I am still full.

Good Bye are SO hard!

2010-08-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

Our daughter wanted to come home this weekend before she starts classes a week from Monday. We went and picked her up Thursday night and she stayed the weekend. You would think that her being gone almost a year now that it would be easy dropping her off today. NOT
I got all teary eyed as we drove a way.
My husband and I have raised two wonderful children but damn do I miss them. Anyone who is reading this and has kids at home, enjoy every minute you have because before you know they will be gone. Don't get me wrong I am glad that I have raised very independent children but it still does not make the heartache go away.
I woke up early this morning and wanted to make a few things for her to take back with her. I had attempted to make pitas before and it was a big FAIL but I was determined that I would get it right. So I decided to try again. I put them on my pizza stone instead this time. I put the first pita on the stone in a 500 degree oven for 4-5 minutes. I crossed my fingers and waited.
When I opened the oven this is what I found.....

Success! I was so excited and it sure did build my confidence in my cooking abilities. After they come out of the oven you wrapped them in tinfoil to cool.

As they cook they deflate and the pocket inside remains.

Of course when lunch came around I had to try one. I had some left over homemade falafel I had made a few days ago so I stuffed it with a falafel and cucumber sauce. Perfect ! I wish I would have taken a picture but I was so excited to eat I forgot all about it.

I have been playing around with my diet to find the foods that I feel works well for "MY" body. I am doing a more vegetarian type diet focusing more on vegetables. I am going to listen to my body and see how I do. So tonight I had some edamame that was in the freezer that needed to eaten so I cook up Edamame Stir fry.

It was really good and I like that it was a really big portion. The only problem with going a more vegetarian diet is that I live with a meat eater. I am curious to hear from others that have this same situation. How do you deal with it? Make two different meals? I know my husband is open to different foods but I know he doesn't want to give up meat. I look forward to seeing how everyone else deals with this situation. I am off to pack my lunch for tomorrow. Back to work.

Emotions!

2010-08-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had emotions so deep that it difficult to show them and when they appear they are fierce? I had that this morning. I am a very emotional /sensitive person but you would never know it. I hold a great steel armour around myself to protect me. This armour has not served me well. But it is one that is difficult to shed.
Something happen yesterday, that I will not go into, that aroused these emotions inside of me. It was so powerful that it scared me and I didn't know what to do with. Of course there was a lot of crying on the way to work and a few texts search for someone that might be awake at 7:00 am to lend a listening ear.
These emotions only caused me to eat quite a bit when I finally returned home. I know this and have much work to fix the emotional scar so deeply embedded inside of me. Could I beat myself up about the food I ate? Sure but it will not serve me well with all the pain I am feeling. I have gained control of the eating but now I must be kind to myself and learned to calm the pain inside of me. Until I do that I will never truly be free.

Goodbye Skinny Pants!

2010-08-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

I have mixed emotions about sharing this with you but I figure if I am going to grow and learn that why not.
I always pick out my clothes the night before so that I am less stress in the morning. I do get up at 4:30 and head to the gym, come home shower, get ready, eat breakfast and head out the door by a little after 7:00. So this does help me.
I picked out my outfit and when I went to put on the pants they did not fit well at all. In the past this would have sent me for a loop with crying and beating myself. But this morning was different. I took them off got another pair that fit and started my day. I had to remind myself that those pants fit me at a weight that may not necessarily but a good weight for me. I have to continue to trust myself and my body to know what that it is. It may not be a weight or size that I like but one that will be doable that I can live with.
I continue to learn to trust and believe it myself and I know with each day I will become stronger and more self confident by doing so. I truly have come a long way!
Keep believe in yourself!

Have you tried on clothes that once fit and now are to small? How did you react? Have you come to peace with your body?

Spring Rolls!

2010-08-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

I have had the wrappers to make Spring Rolls for a LONG time! I have seen these on a few blogs and I finally decided to give them a try. I was very nervous that I would be able to do it but I did! What a confidence booster!

I had to make quite a few because I wasn't sure how filling they would be for the hubby. I am trying to have Monday designated as meatless Monday! Not sure how keen the hubby is on it but to bad!

He has been designated as Sunday night for cooking duty so he can cook what every he wants. Last night was Spaghetti and Meatballs. I have been trying to eat more of a vegetarian diet but it looks like Sunday will probably be meat.

I bought the Operation Beautiful book and it has inspired me to attempt to get of the roller caster I have been on WAY to long. I weighed today and I have decided that will be the last time for awhile. I have to continue to remind myself I have good enough just the way I am. Since ending my training with my trainer I have put on 15 pounds and it has been difficult except but I am more than a number and I must continue to focus on that. I continue to eat clean food but I have admit I eat probably more than I need to. It is a journey and I will continue to grow and learn to love myself. I am good enough! I am love able! I am unique!

How do you except yourself as you are? Do you beat yourself up with negative talk?

I look forward to helping and giving anyone support who is on this journey with me.

I have moved!

2010-07-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have moved my blog to another site. Please come join me and share my ventures to health, peace and happiness.

http://kb-cuisine.com/

Recap

2010-07-24T04:12:00.000-07:00

Remember the other day I was cooking something and the stove and I had to wait to reveal what I was making? Well here it is....

Chocolate Yogurt Popsicle I found this on someone blog. I read so many sometimes I forget where I get the recipes from. But this is quite delicious and with the heat that last few days it has been quite refreshing.

Yesterday morning I enjoyed some delicious Oats in a jar. I had just about finished off the peanut butter and thought this was a great idea to get every last drop of peanut butter. Is it only me but why does peanut have to taste so darn delicious?

Last night dinner I was this delicious meal. I have to admit when I saw it I wasn't quite sure if I would like it. I am not a big fan of peas but I had everything in the house for it so I thought I would give it a try. I decided to serve it over polenta but I think next time it would be better over rice. But it was quick, easy and quite delicious. I will definitely make this again when it a hurry for a quick meal.

I am up early this morning and thinking of heading to the farmers market. It is raining... :( But I made some Sangria last night and it has been chilling over night and I thought it would be great to throw in some fresh berries. So hopefully the rain will pass threw before I venture out.

I usually do my workout in the morning on Saturday and have to admit I am creature of habit but I have been working on being OK with if it doesn't always go as "planned." Nothing terrible is going to happen. You have to understand this is really difficult for me and I have so many fears around putting my weight back on. But this is a journey and I plan on continuing to learn and letting go when I need to.

Fish Tacos!

2010-07-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

I was a busy little beaver this afternoon and before I knew it was dinner time. Hubby was at a meeting tonight so I was eating solo. So it took me a little longer to get things together for the meal. I first prepared this wonderful sauce to spread on the tortilla for my fish tacos.
This is SO good. It is 2 tablespoons light sour cream, 2 tablespoons avocado, dash of cumin, chili powder, salt and 1/2 teaspoon of lime juice.

I cooked the fish on the grill 5 minutes on one side then carefully flip and then cook another 3 minutes. I also threw the corn tortillas on for about 1 minute on the grill.

Add your fish, shredded cabbage and tomato. It doesn't need anything it is perfect just like this

Can you say Delicious! Light and delicious. Along with the fish taco I made this delicious salad.

I saw it on Tina's blog awhile back and this is the second time I have made it. The flavor combination is so different and I really didn't think I would like it but it is quite tasty. The recipe is from Real Simple It is a combination of shredded apples, carrots, raisins ,cumin, cilantro. Check it out. After I cleaned up dinner, I had soaked a bag of pinto beans during the day today so I threw them in the crock pot with an onion and will cook them over night. We have friends coming for dinner this weekend and I thought I would serve up some beans with our Mexican meal.

After that it was time to figure out what to bring to work for lunch tomorrow. I search in the refrigerator and came up with this.

Do the whole wheat noodles look familiar? I told you hubby wasn't going to eat them. And since there is no "white" pasta to go with the chili it doesn't look like that will get eaten either. So it was a perfect lunch for tomorrow.

Hopefully this will be enough to keep me full until I get home. I have noticed some time I don't quite back enough to keep me full and that is not a good thing when I get home. I think you know what I mean.

Remember I told you I was going to tell you what I was making in the pot on the stove? Well it isn't quite ready for unveiling so you will have to wait until tomorrow.

Off to make some protein ice cream. I will share this with you tomorrow.

Happy Hump Day!

2010-07-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone was enjoying "hump" day today. We are half way through the week! I woke up before my alarm this morning: 4:06 am. I get up around 4:20 and hit the gym for 5:00. It may sounds horrible to some but I have gotten use to it and I do enjoy getting my work out done early. Plus it starts out the day right. Today I had a great chest work out and did 30 laps in the pool. Sounds good does it? Little did I tell you I swim one length of the pool and back and then I rest for a minute and repeat. It is kind of like a HIIT in the pool. I have such great admiration for swimmers that do it for a sport. Just doing the one length and back I am winded. I am really enjoying the pool and it gives my knee a rest from all the pounding it get on the treadmill.

I came home and took my shower. When I came downstairs to dry my hair I found this wonderful note on the counter....

Put a smile on my face and made the day so much brighter! Did I say I have a great husband? He has seen me and my worst and at my best and still loves me deeply.

I finished getting ready and remember I had something in the refrigerator waiting for me for breakfast? Did you guess what it was? I bet you thought it was over night oats? Well I guess it kind of is. Look at this beauty.

I found this recipe over at Katie blog.

It is fabulous! I love it SO much. I never thought I would like tofu in oatmeal but it makes it so creamy and delicious and it make a TON and I am all about volume. This is one of my new loves right now.

After finishing this beautiful bowl of goodness I packed up my lunch and water and headed to work but not before leave a little something behind for someone special....

I work a part time job and although the job isn't challenge and some time quite boring the owner and his brother are the best. They are wonderful people and it is a joy to work for them. They have truly taught me a lot about not worrying so much. I work for a small courier office and it is just the owner, his brother and me in the office. We have been waiting for a shipment of a product to come in they said it would be here Tuesday or Wednesday. And of course what shows up when it is just me in the office? Yep you got it the shipment. So I put my hard hat on started up the forklift and unloaded the truck. Wish I could have gotten a picture of that to put on the blog. I truly have come a long way. I would never thought in a million years that I would be driving a fork lift. It is quite fun though...

After finishing up the day... I only work until 12:30. I stopped at the store and pick up things for a dinner I am making for friends on Saturday. I got home around 2:30 and was ready to eat.

I had seen this delicious thing on Heathers Blog and new it was time to give it a try. I just happen to have these in the freezer

I had gotten this recipe from Gina's blog and had use them to make manicotti awhile back and froze the rest for another day. Today was the perfect day.

Since they frozen I pulled them in a plan to defrost and melt the chocolate peanut butter. Oh glorious chocolate peanut butter...

Then I added the banana. I was drooling just watching this come alive and of course having a few finger lick from the chocolate peanut butter jar....

Made two and sprinkle with a little bit of cinnamon.

Can you see the chocolate and banana goodness? It was out of this world and really hit the spot for the sweetness I was looking for. After this I moved on the preparing to for tonight dinner: Fish Taco's. In my wildest dreams would I think that I would remote like these but I made them for the husband and I a few weeks back and we both really enjoyed them. So I prepared to marinade the fish until dinner.

Marinade included: 2 tablespoons lime juice, 1 teaspoon cumin, 1 teaspoon garlic powder, 1/2 teaspoon chili powder and 1/8 teaspoon salt. It says to marinade for 5 minutes but I like to let it sit longer. I tossed that in the refrigerator and decided to make one more thing before sitting down to blog.

Can you guess what it might be? I guess you will have to wait and see. I will be back later to reveal the mystery.

Food has RETURNED!

2010-07-20T16:58:00.001-07:00

I have done a lot of soul searching the past few weeks and I have begun to make peace with food and my body. Does that mean that I will stop pumping iron in the gym? No Does that mean that I will fill my body with processed crap? No I will love my body and give it good clean food

and exercise daily. This might mean that I may not look like a person that could pose for a fitness magazine and I am ok with that. I have come SO far and I have nothing to be ashamed of.. I have begun to stop beating myself up about trying to be thinner, toner, leaner.... For what? In the end I will always be Kathi a wonderful, loving and caring person that will never change no matter what my outside looks like. I will love my body and myself.

I have realized how much I have missed posting about the wonderful food I have been eating and so it returns.......

I like to pack my lunch for work the night before so this is where I will begin. I had bought some wonderful baby strawberries and blue berries so I made a delicious container of sweetness.

I thought I would try to use up some stuff in the refrigerator so I threw this together for lunch I am excited to see how wonderful it will taste.

Salad contains:

Whole wheat elbow noodles (I thought the husband would eat.. Ya Right?)

Cucumber

tomato

green and red pepper

leftover grilled chicken

red onion

goat cheese

1 tablespoon of Baslamic dressing

Clean, fresh....

I look forward to sharing my eats with you. See you in the morning with a delicious breakfast that is sitting in the refrigerator as we speak. Any ideas?

Coming out of the FOG

2010-06-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have come out of the fog and have found a new perspective and focus. It feels so freeing! I had a HUGE revelation about a week ago and it has change my whole perspective on eating, food and exercise. I can't thank my wonderful husband for being my rock and helping me see this and began to start working on it.

My thinking about food, exercise and diet is very distorted and I have finally come to realize that I no longer want to be in this cage any longer. I am reading a wonderful book that was suggest by a great friend (Thanks Kim!) Life Inside the "Thin" cage. Anyone who could classify themselves as a "Chronic dieter" may find this book eye opening as it has for me. I have also been working with a book called the Appetite Awareness so that I can begin to start listening to my body and its message to eat and to stop. I know this will is a journey and a processs but I can not tell you how at peace I am beginning to feel. I still have my struggles i.e. over indulging, feeling guilty, fasting to make up for it. But I now know this is not loving myself this is not taking care of myself. I am more than my external self I am a loving, caring and wonderful person who no longer has to be in this "thin cage" that society has made me feel I need to live in. I am ready to start living.

"HUGE" Binge

2010-06-12T03:56:00.001-07:00

I have thought about hiding this from not only myself but from others who can help me with yet another binge. This binge was bigger and longer than the last. I had not desire to stop it and let it continue as long as I needed it to. I know I consumed thousands of calories and now I sit here early this morning with the my thought of the "after"math.
I sit here and wonder how I move forward from this now. Do I hit the cardio equipment in attempt to get rid of some of the damage that was done. Do I do a "fast" today to not consume any more calories for today to compensate for yesterday out of control eating. Do I just move forward the best that I can.
I have decided that the "normal" and sane thing to do is to move forward the best that I can. But I still question why did it happen? After 5 months of hard dedicated work why did I fall? I guess I could try to guess all the reason and I could continue to have this negative conversation with myself but I know deep down that this will NOT empower me to move forward to achieve peace with food and fitness.
I read lots and lots of blog and some of the women seem to have some what of a help relationship with food and their bodies. I wish for that too. How do I achieve that? How do I find a health medium ground?
I trust that I will find that path on my journey. As always I look forward to the people in the blogging world for support and hope. Thanks for reading.

Thoughts

2010-06-09T02:04:00.001-07:00

I have been up for hours with my thoughts. I finally came down stairs to put it on "cyber" paper and also with the hope with anyone who might read this will help me. There are so MANY wonderful bloggers out there that I read on a daily basis but never comment on. I am thinking I may want to branch out to some of these wonderful women for support.
As some of you may know I have been working with a wonderful trainer and have gotten awesome results but I am coming to realize it also comes with a price. I have been feeling not like myself for a few days and I feel like I need to listen to my body. This may not be something my trainer will agree with but for me I feel like it is right. I have been feeling very light headed and just not right.
I had a HUGE binge last night and at first I was devasted and of course I had thought in my head that I would do additional minutes of cardio to complensate today. But is that rational thinking? Is this how I want to live my life? I still feel like I can some how find a medium ground. I love how my body has changed. I continue to hope that my legs will come around but I am not sure at what price I am willing to do that. I have decided that I feel like I need to set some guide lines for myself. Not only for my sanity but for my health.

1. No more than and additional hour of cardio five days a week. I considered only doing a few days a week but I do enjoy my cardio in the morning and I feel like it set my day of right so for now I want to keep it.

2. Continue to do weight training six days a week in the afternoon. I love weight training and I know this will help me with trying to get my legs tighter and firmers. So far now I will continue doing that as well.

3. This is the big one for me and I am not sure how this will go over with my trainer but maybe we can come to a happy medium ground. I want to keep my calories between 1400-2000 calories. I still want to keep my carbs low and protein high but I want to incorporate a more wide range of foods. I miss experimenting with food. Like I said I am not sure if this will help me get firmer and tighter but I am hoping that I can find a medium ground with this.

4. I am really happy with my weight where it is right now. I would like to keep my weight between 140-145. I think this is a good weight for me and like I said over all I am happy with the way it looks.

It feels so good to write this down and find some peace. I feel like I have been obsessed and I was beginning to get really worried, especially with the way I have been feeling the last few days. It may have been a "wake up" call for me and I did not want to ignore it. There are several bloggers that I am going to write personal notes to for support. I have been waiting in the shadows too long and I know a lot of these wonderful women can be of great support to me.

I know I am going to be exhausted today since I have not gotten much sleep but I think this was a good things for me.

I want balance in my life and I know that I have to pick it! I have to find the happy medium, for ME!

Thanks to all who read this and I want to committ to blogging more because I truly have missed it!

Dig Deep!

2010-05-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

I had to dig deep this week and I have to admit I was unsure if I was going to be able to pull it off. But I sit here on a Friday beaming in awww at myself on what I was able to achieve this week.
My trainer bumped up my cardio on Tuesday to include and additional 45 minutes. My first reaction was, what the hell? I am already doing 45 minutes 5 days you want me to what? Double it? How am I going to fit that into already crazy schedule? Do I have what it takes to do it? But I did. I can't tell you how empowering it is. I left the gym the other days almost in tears from achieving the extra cardio. I sit here on Friday with only an additional 15 minutes to complete my task!
Do not underestimate what you can do. I know I won't.

Mother's Day and Progress Pictures

2010-05-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

This was picture was taken on April 3 and I weighed 150 pounds.

This picture was taken today on 5/9 and I weighed in at 145 pounds. So I have lost another five pounds. I continue to make progress but as you can see the legs continue to hold on to the fat. Sigh.... But I do see a small change and the skin does look slightly tighter but I knew this part was going to take time. My upper body is coming together nicely and I have heard from others that between month 3 and 4 they saw great changes and I am hoping for the same for me.

I have upped the amount of veggies I have been eating just to keep me full and satisfied. Thanks to April I cooked up some cabbage and loved it so I will probably be adding that to my go to veggies. I do love them and it has not been a bad thing for me. I do have my moment when I long for a banana or some peanut butter but I continue to remind myself how long I have sustained from all these things and I far I have how far I have come and do I want to give it all up now for that. So I continue to hold strong.

I order myself a new collection of clothes from a girl name "Wendy" that Kelly O blogged about not to long ago. They should be coming this week and I am so excited. I am not clothes shopper and I have no idea how to put clothes together this was a great solution for me. I will take some picture of me in some of the new outfits to show you. It all still seems so unreal to me because when she asked me what size I was I wasn't sure and when I looked at a pair of pants that a friend had given me I saw that they were a size 6. A 6? I could hard put my mind around it and to say that I could wear a size Small shirt. It was almost to much for me. I still have this fear that the clothes will arrive and that they will be to small for me. I still have a lot of mental work to do to really comprehend all that I have achieved. There are moment that I cry with happiness for all that I have able to do and take great pride in it. But yet I still have moments when I see still how far I have yet to go. Today I choose to hold joy in all that I have achieved.

Stay tuned for the pictures of some of the new clothes!

Happy Mothers Day to all!

Update

2010-05-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

I have thought about posting for days now and have finally just made myself sit down and do it. Working three small jobs, working out twice a day and now adding physical therapy into my week there isn't a lot of free time.
Here is a picture of us when we went and saw my son play his spring football game last weekend. My hair did look good before it started misting, with that and a little humidity mixed in that is what you get! :) We enjoyed seeing him and look forward to next fall to watching him play.

I am now entering my 12th week with Tony and the dreambodies program. I have had zero cheat and am doing well. Tony added an additional 25 minute of cardio into my mix and I have to admit I was wondering how and if I was going to be able to do it. But I am happy to report that I was able to do all five cardio sessions this week with the additional 25 minutes. It was so empowering to achieve this and it makes it even more clear to me that you can do anything you put your mind to.

I continue to try to stay patient with my legs. There has been small improvements but this part it going to take time and a lot of patience.

I had a conversation with Sarabeth the other day about beauty. This was a very difficult conversation for me. What is beauty? What makes some one beautiful? I had an assignment to find three pictures of women that I thought were beautiful. It was really difficult. There were many that I thought were cute but not beautiful, but what was it that made someone beautiful? I am still not quite sure if I have figure that out for myself. And the big question is can I find myself beautiful? I do have very rare moments that I look in the mirror and I see my beauty and it totally freaks me out. If I thought I was beautiful would that make me stuck up? Would I see myself as better than someone else? I think those are the emotions that come up for me. But what a wonderful gift it would be to have, look in the mirror and see and feel beautiful.
I would love to get your feedback on this.

I think I am going to do progress pictures next weekend so stay tuned!

Feed Back

2010-04-11T06:22:00.001-07:00

I received wonderful feed back from Tony and he couldn't be more proud of the progress I have made. We decided on a goal weight and I was glad to hear that we were both thinking around the same range. We decided between 140-145 and will continue watch the changes that my body makes.

I can not tell you how wonderful Tony he is and if you are a seriously thinking about changing your body he is the man. He has so much compassion and I have been truly change in the short time I have been working with him not only physically but mentally. I look forward to more to come as I continue to work with him.

I did my weekly weigh in yesterday and am now at 147.5 at home and 150.6 at the gym so that makes a total of 13.5 pounds in 8 weeks. Hard work and clean eating has truly paid off. Won't you join me? Let look fabulous for summer!

Speaking of summer I haven't even start to begin that I know that I will no clothes that will fit and that I have to do the dreaded clothes shopping anyone out there love to shop and want to do it for me? I know you think I would enjoy it but it isn't something I like to do.

I am thinking about doing some personal training again. It is something I truly enjoy and have missed it. A girlfriend of mine called and asked if I would train her so I start that Monday and am looking forward to kicking her butt! :) I also talked to a trainer at the gym that I workout at to see what I would have to do to possible be a trainer there. I have to talk with a guy on Monday and see what certification is required. I know I will probably have to get a certification but it is exciting and hopefully it will push me to get that damn certification that I have been putting off for way to long!

The diet has been solid and I have had to no problems what so every. I did have really really low energy yesterday and when I talked to Tony last week he said that I could have 3-4 ounces of sweet potato or 1 cup of brown rice if I needed it. I have to admit I was totally freaked out about having to add that. I instantly said I need a menu I need something to follow in order to do that. He said there is no menu this is to be added if you "need it" I said, will I know if I need it? Will this set me off? I was terrified. He said you will know. So yesterday I was so tired and had very little energy in the afternoon and I was hungry before my schedule eat time. At first I thought I was just tired because I didn't get enough sleep. I decided to lay down to see if that would help. I couldn't sleep so I decided if I didn't feel better after I laid down that I would have a sweet potato with my dinner. It was exactly what I needed and I was so proud of myself for doing it. This was big, very big for me! I wasn't like the energizer bunny or anything but I did feel better and it was nice to know that I was able to recognize it. There has been so many break through for me this week it is unbelieveable. I wish I could share more of them with you but some of the others are very personal in nature and I am not willing to share those quite yet.

Progress Photos

2010-04-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post a some pictures. The very top picture was taken before I started with my new trainer 7 weeks ago. Bottom picture was taken yesterday. I am definately seeing some changes in the upper body. Lower body I still have work to do but I think there may be some slight changes.

I weighed when I started at 161 and yesterday I weighed in at 150 so I have lost 11 pounds in almost eight weeks.

I forwarded the pictures to my trainer and am eager to get his feedback. I asked him to help me set goal weight and at what weight did he feel my legs may begin to smooth out and tighten. I will definately return to let everyone know what he had to say.

Today is Easter and it will be a quiet one. No little ones running around looking for Easter eggs or baskets. My son decided not to come home and we picked up my daughter yesterday but she will be returning today.

Hope everyone has a great Easter! I will return with my feedback when I get it. Now I am off to eat my Oatmeal and egg whites!!

Goals

2010-03-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

I was asked to come up with some long term and short term goals. I have thought about this all week and am still having difficulty with it. Why? I am not sure. I guess I think I know what my goals are but why do I want achieve them is the bigger question.

Long term Goals:

1. My legs to be smoother and tighter
Why? Every since I have embarked on this weight loss journey I have not been happy with them. I want to wear shorts with confidence I would even like to where those nice short shorts that you see the fitness models wearing. I think I would feel so much more confident and know that I have finally arrived!

2. My arms and shoulders to have more definition.
why? Honestly I love the look. To be able to where short sleeve shirt or even tanks to be able to show the "world" that I take my fitness very seriously would be so great! To have a body that shows from the outside that I truly care about myself would make me feel so damn good and walk taller and prouder.

3. My booty to be more rounded and lifted
Why? Who wants a granny butt? You know what I am talking about.. That flat butt with no shape that is just kind of there. I think it would help me look better in shorts and a bathing suit. Also look great in a nice pair of fitted jeans.

4. To maintain my "dream" body for life
why? I know having a healthy, lean and strong body will serve me well in the years to come. I want to have the energy and to be physically able to enjoy the years to come with my family and hopefully grandchildren some day. I do not want to be a burden on my family as I age. I want to age with grace.

Short Term Goals:

1. Each 5-6 small meals no longer than 2 1/2 to 3 hours a part
2. Drink a gallon of water each day
3. Do 45 minutes of cardio 3-5 times a week
4. Drink my "dirty" water 3 times a day
5. Stick to my eating plan given to me by Tony
6. Do my weight training as prescribed by Tony
7. Get at least 6-8 hours of sleep each night
8. Plan and pack my food for the week on Sundays (make the week SO much easier)

Oh that feels so good to finally get this done. I guess I struggled with it because I wanted it to be perfect that I wanted to have the "right" reason for wanting these goals. Truthfully I wanted to look and feel proud of my body. For me at this moment it is about all how I look, is that a good thing? Or a arrogant thing to say? I am not sure but that is my truth right now. I am 45 years old and once a very obese person and to have come this far in my journey and almost to the finish line is so empowering. I wish everyone could feel it! You have it inside you! It take discipline, consistency, dedication, commitment and patience but it is obtainable. Also don't forget surrounding with you wonderful people who support and encourage you every step of the way? So what are you waiting for? Do you have your goals written on paper? Do you know what they are and why you want them? I would love to hear your goals! Lets make 2010 the start of something "GRAND"

Vision

2010-03-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

Do you know your vision? Do you know what you are trying to achieve by eating right and exercsising? It helps to be able to see it visualize it. To just say I want to lose weight or look better is not enough you must see it.
Here is a picture of my vision board that I had to do for Tony. Maybe it will help you as well to make your own.
I look at it often to remind myself what I am trying to achieve and that anything is possible if you put your mind, heart and soul into it!
I am at my half way mark and going strong!

Patience

2010-03-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

I still continue to struggle wit this word: Patience. As you know I blogged about the injury I have to my upper hamstring. I was good all weekend and did not push it. Of course I figure two days of rest it should be better, right? Running = Bad Idea. I guess I have to learn the hard way. So I am back to walking/power walking and I told myself "NO more running this week."
I guess it is hard for me to look at the heart rate and calories burned. Normally when I run/walk I can burn up to 500 calories and my heart rate can get up to as high as 150-160. Walking/power walking I am lucky if I burn 300 calories and my heart rate might get to 120 if I am lucky. But I must throw all that to the side for now and do what is best for my body to heal. I really am trying to stay in that mind set.
Tony was kind enough to put in all in percept for me. I ask him why don't I listen? He suggested maybe I struggle with the thought that if I don't do it I am a failure. That hit a big cord for me. He said that in order to move forward, sometimes we must adapt and this a true victory not failure. There is a world of difference between "adpating" and rising above from failure. This is the mark of a champion. I must see the difference because it is needed to endure. I was so happy that I reached out to him that he continue to have such power response that really get me thinking. His methods so far have been priceless to me.
I continue to follow his plan a 100% and am excited about the changes to come.
So I continue with PATIENCE!!

Set Back

2010-03-21T05:14:00.001-07:00

I was on such a role and feeling strong, discipline, committed... and then BAM! I pulled the upper hamstring in my left leg. I am devasted and feel so defeated... Tony say "Let it go" and as I was "walking" on the treadmill Friday night I had to trust that he would help me get through this and it will all be ok. I have so many issue around trust it is not funny. I haven't quite figure out where it stems from but it is there.
So I am moving forward the best I can but this will not effect my diet. For me that is where it is at... I have been on Tony program now for starting my 6 week. I have been solid the "whole" time and it feel great. I do definately feel tighter in my abs and I do think I look leaner. The legs? Well they continue to need work and I know that it will be the last thing to go. But I will continue to focus on my plan and committment. I told myself 6 weeks ago that I was going to have a 12 week run and that is what I plan to do. I am at my half way mark. I guess some where I wanted to prove to myself that I could be a competition girl that I could have the discipline to stick it out for 12 weeks. Not sure if I would ever have the "balls" to get on stage but some place deep inside of me I will know that I do have what it take to do it if I so choose.

Discipline

2010-03-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you are truly tested on your goals and today was one of them. It was so difficult to stay strong but I perserved. I have one more obstacle to get through, tonights dinner and I think I will be ok.
Since it was my husbands and my sons birthday I decided to make a cake. Let me say it was difficult to not want to takste the homemade buttercream frosting. There were many times during the process that I just wanted to shove it into my mouth. How I did it is beyond me.
There were times when I told myself it was ok just have some but another part of me said but you have gone almost 4 weeks staying on your plan why blow it now.
Does it ever get easier? Is this how I want to eat the rest of my life? I have so many questions but some times don't know if I have the answers or at least not yet.
I have signed on with another online trainer and have been with him now for almost 4 weeks. I haven't lost a lot of weight and that pisses me off to say the least. But I am not sure what I am expecting. Did I think it was going to be easy to get to my "Dream Body"? Did I think I was going to follow the plan for a few weeks and it was going to magically appear?
It takes work, it takes patience, it take committment and discipline. I feel like I have come very close many times to a body that I can be happy with but just haven't quite gotten there. Will this be my time? Will I push it to the limit and obtain it?
All these question go through my mind all the time. I think I must learn the hardest lesson of all, patience... I must and have to be patient. This is something I am not good at but one that I must learn if I want to complete this and attain my very best.

I WILL RETURN

2010-02-22T09:21:00.000-08:00

I am still here and I have so much to fill everyone in on. I will be back soon to give you all the details.

I have a new trainer and a new resolve to finish this up!

New Lunch Box and Cycling Class

2010-01-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of my "New" lunch box I got for Christmas. I just love it and it helps so much keeping my portions in control. Tomorrow for lunch I will have brown rice topped with black beans and salsa. Snack will be cottage cheese and a cut up apple.

Well I took the plunge and joined LA Fitness. I have heard a lot about cycling classes and I thought I would give it a go. Wow! I was sweating up a storm and I think I could have even pushed it a little bit harder. I didn't go all out because I knew it was an hour class and I had no idea how I was going to be able to handle it. I really like it and it was very challenging right up my alley. This could be a regular Sunday things for me.

I had difficult with my eating yesterday but I am back on track today. Last night I got my notebook out and wrote down all my meals for the whole week. This is very time consuming but it helps SO much. I wrote all the meals and then made up a grocery list and hubby and I got the groceries. What do they say, "Fail to plan, Plan to fail"

I am looking forward to my new week at the new gym and changing things up. I think it is exactly what I need. I have schedule a free personal training session for Wednesday night. I wish so much that I could have a personal trainer again and I am hoping when things change around for us that I can. So I will probably do upper body tomorrow since I took the cycling class today, want to give my legs some rest. I will do cardio on Tuesday and then Wednesday I will have the session with the trainer.

Off to make my dinner: Taco Salad.....

Daily Goals

2010-01-01T16:56:00.002-08:00

96-128 ounces of water Done I had 128 ounces today
- 5 serving of fruits and vegetables (2 fruits, 3 vegetables) Done, I had 3 fruits and 3 vegetables
- 30 grams of fiber Done I had 55g of fiber today
- Lower body workout Done
- 1600- 1800 calories- journal all my food Done 1,660 calories today

It great to see the progress I made today. Tomorrow I will have the same goals but I will be doing upper body and cardio tomorrow.

I also went over to LA Fitness today and look at the gym. I was very disappointed with my gym today and this may be a nice change for me. I have a free session tomorrow but it looks like I will be making the shift to the new gym. I am excited about all the wonderful things they offer there. mmm.. spinning class, yoga, pool, sauna. I was a little unsure if we could swing it with our financial situation but I talked about it with my husband and he was so supportive and helped me look at making the decision.

Tomorrow morning I will go over to my current gym do my cardio session and give them my written cancellation letter.

I think 2010 is already looking up!

2010

2009-12-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

It is 10:38 on December 31st. I have eaten more food than I wanted to and I am yet again wondering if I will ever get it.
I have thought about what I want to accomplish in 2010. I want to find a peace around food and exercise. I know that I can find it but it will take committment and dedication. I am looking forward to this challenge and I am hopeful that I will find it.
I will not let the slip ups defeat me. I will learn from each one of them. I will pick myself up, wipe myself off and try again.
I have SO enjoyed the blog world and learning from each and everyone one of these extraordinary women. Although many of them don't even know that I read they have all touched me in some way or another.
I would like to return to blogging on a more regular bases and begin taking pictures again. I truly enjoyed it when I did it and I felt like it helps me to look back at all the wonderful food I have eaten along the way. I have yet to find a routine with returning back to work and now finding another job seems to make it difficult. I know many of these women in the blog world work full time and still have time to blog so I do not want it to be an excuse for me not to try to do it.
Goals for the tomorrow (one day at a time)

- 96-128 ounces of water
- 5 serving of fruits and vegetables (2 fruits, 3 vegetables)
- 30 grams of fiber
- Lower body workout
- 1600- 1800 calories
- journal all my food (enter in fitday)

Just writing these small goals tomorrow helps me feel in control again and ready to push
forward.
I look forward to the weeks ahead of this new year with hope and determination to make it the best year yet!

Long term goal:

Return to a health weight range 148-153

Other goals:

write a book
recipe book?
get more client with my personal chef business
reduce our spending
travel
help someone in need

There are so many wonderful opportunities out in the world and I would love to have to opportunity to make a small impact some where some how. It very excited to think about.

Here is to a wonderful 2010!!

Stay Focused

2009-12-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who made a comment about yesterday I really appreciate the support and input.
I went to the gym this morning and did 35 minutes on the ellipitcal had a nice good sweat and it felt good. I have been solid to day so far but have had moment of wanting to give in but so far I am staying focused.
I made two batches of almond butter and a batch of cookies today and no samples... I some times don't understand myself at times I can have will power of steel and other times I could care less. But as a new year is approaching I wonder what my goal will be for myself. I have accomplised so much but yet have things yet to do. Although my body is good I do not believe that it is my very best and that is what I would like to strive for this coming year. I question if I an do this alone. I have had a personal trainer for the past year and half and with our financial situation I have had to give that up. Can I do this alone?
Today food has been good. Breakfast: Oatmeal, five egg whites, 1/2 cup skim milk and tablespoon flaxseed meal, snack: protein shake, lunch, 4 ounces chicken, romaine and ranch dressing, snack 2: protein shake. I have taken out some tilipia and will have that for dinner along with a big bowl of broccoli. It feels to have a plan to fall back on that I know will bring me back to where I want to be. We are attending a christmas party this evening and that will be difficult with all the wonderful eats around but I have done it before and I know I can do it again. I do not want this to be a christmas for reason to indulge.
I know I can get the seven pounds I have put on off very quickly if I stick the course.
I am looking for some good challenges for 2010 anyone have any good ones? I would love to get some ideas or get involved in some to keep me focused and motivated on what it is I want to do and achieve.
Thanks for reading

Lost My Groove!!

2009-12-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

I have to say that I am totally out of my groove. I think it is a combination of the stress of a second job and the holidays! I have put on a good seven pounds and am not feeling good about it. But I have yet to do anything about it. I wanted to hide and pretend this is not happening. I must now making a decision on what I want to do next.
Anyone else lost their groove? How do you get it back?

Snowy Monday

2009-12-07T18:39:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to a beautiful coat of white snow on the the ground. Of course I didn't think that it might take me a little longer to get to work! Oops! I had cooked up some brown rice last night so I decided to have some for breakfast this morning. I topped it with some of my homemade cranberry sauce, slivered almonds and a little maple syrup. Yummy!

The rice keep me pretty full and I got hungry around 10:00. I had packed some cottage cheese and an apple so I had that to keep me until lunch. I packed a lunch for work of pinto beans mixed with salsa and put it on a tortilla. This is an older picture since I don't take a camera to work to take picture of my eats, not yet that is.

I headed to the gym after work and did a upper body work out. I push hard and it felt good. I came home and had a banana with some of that delicious homemade almond butter. I have to admit I had a little difficulty again but not nearly as bad as yesterday. That is progress right? I nibble on the almond butter and finally made hubby put it away. I also had a cookie and some peanuts. But that was it and I was proud of myself for gaining control so quickly.

I began preparing sample food to take to my possible client tomorrow. I am a nervous wreck about it and since I have not done anything like this before I have to admit I am not sure what I am doing. The possible client want me to cook food for her children. Make them a lunch for school, after school snack and dinner. The kid are teenagers. So my sample food is: Lunch: carrots, orange and a chicken wrap Snack: fruit dip (made from low fat ricotta, yogurt and instant pudding mix), strawberries and some baked tortilla chips sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar Dinner: Turkey meatballs and fresh pasta. I will present tomorrow around 4:00.

After running around and freaking out about this whole thing I was able to manage a chicken salad: romaine lettuce, chicken breast, Parmesan cheese and lite dressing.

It is almost 9:00 and I am ready for bed. I have my clothes laid out for tomorrow, my lunch packed and my gym bag ready. Not sure when and how I will get my workout in but I will find time some where.

Still Learning!

2009-12-06T17:37:00.001-08:00

I started the morning out right this morning. I waited for until I felt hungry and had a nice breakfast sandwich. English muffin with a veggie breakfast patty and one egg cooked with spinach. Filling and quite delicious.

I relaxed most of the morning and finally talked myself to heading over to the gym. I did a great 30 minute HIIT on the treadmill. It felt good and I was ready to eat. I decided to shower before eating lunch. I had saw an interesting idea from Abby at Eat, Drink and Be Aware it was a pear, cranberry and cheese sandwich. I had just made some delicious homemade cranberry sauce and this was a perfect way to use some of it. It was quite delicious and it hit the spot. I made a new cookie recipe to bring to a jewelry party my girlfriend was having this afternoon. I made some homemade pasta, showered, dressed and was out the door for the party.

It was nice to visit with everyone at the jewelry party and I with our financial situation I decided not to order anything from the party. I also decided not to have anything at the party to eat which ended up being a very bad idea. I left the party and was hungry. I decided to eat the last two cookie that remained that I had brought. I was ok with that but little did I know what was going to happen when I got home. I was hungry and started eating. Although I did not make bad choices I ate a lot more than I needed to. To help with the eating I decided to go ahead and eat dinner early. I ate the rest of the veggie pizza from last night. I ate the remaining four pieces and had a few more picks before I decided I needed to take action. I headed upstairs away from the food area. I began working on menu ideas for a possible client that want me to cook meal for her children. In doing this I was able to gain control. I am still learning and this was another day of it. I did some really good things and also thing I still need to work on .

I am ready for a great week ahead. I have my lunch packed: left over chili and cottage cheese with an apple.

I have a question for you: Do you plan out all your meals for the week? I currently only plan dinner but i am wondering if planning all meals would be helpful? I look forward to getting your input.

Homemade Pizza!!

2009-12-05T18:06:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning and was initial in panic mode. After all the eating last night I wasn't sure how I wantedy day to look. So at first I did nothing. I starting working on sprucing up the blog, what do you think? It still needs some work but I am having fun working on it. At about 10:00 I was hungry and had to make a decision on what I was going to do. So I decided on my favorite, oatmeal porridge: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup water, 5 egg whites and tablespoon flaxseed meal. I just love this meal and it always fills me up.

I proceed to have some leisure time with the blog and just relaxing. I decided not to go to the gym today and will go tomorrow to do a 30 minute HIIT. I worked my lower body hard on Friday and I felt my legs could use a break. So at about 1:00 I was getting hungry and decided to have this. Oh I just love beans burgers. I had gotten this recipe for Kath Eats Real Food. It was so good and so easy. 3/4 cup of black beans, 3 tablespoons wheat flour, 1 teaspoon olive oil, 3 splashes of Worcestershire sauce and garlic powder. Mash the beans and the rest of the ingredients. Form two patties and cook up in a nonstick pan sprayed with cooking spray. Oh I will definately be having this again. LOVE IT! I put it on a arnold bun with 1 tablespoon of barbecue sauce and broccoli slaw mixed with a flaxseed oil dressing. I finished up the grocery list and hubby and I did the weeks worth of shopping.

After putting the groceries away I decided to make some of my own almond butter. When I went to Costco the other day they did not have any Naturally More and I was SO disappointed. So I did the next best thing and made my own.

I roasted 2 1/2 cup of almond that were mixed with 1/4 cup pure maple syrup and 1 tablespoon of cinnamon. I baked it at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. I cooled it for a little while and then threw it in the food processor. I had a few licks, ok several licks SO good. I was proud of myself I had a few licks and then put it away. I look forward to having some of it in my oatmeal tomorrow. If you haven't tried making your own almond butter give it a try. So simple and quite delicious.

I have also been dreaming of this and when I was at the store I pick up a package of lite silken tofu. After the almond butter I whipped up a batch of this for dessert tonight. One package of lite silken tofu (has 120 calories for the whole package), 2 tablespoon agave nectar, 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. Mix in a food processor until it resembles mousse. I threw in the refrigerator to chill. Of course I had to lick the remainders.

Now does that look delicious? Hubby and I decided to have pizza tonight. Since I had been watching my carbs very closely this was never in my diet and I looked forward to start living and eating... I would have liked to have had whole wheat pizza dough but I was willing to make a sacrifice and had the regular dough and opted to have no meat and just a little bit of cheese.

The dough is so easy to make. I have a bread maker and since I haven't been eating much carbs never felt the need to use it much until I saw that it has a setting for dough. I put all the ingredients in it to make the pizza dough and the let the machine do the work. In just over a hour and half we had delicious pizza dough. It was the best! If you have a bread maker that is gathering dust you might want to pull it out and see if you have such a setting. Hubby had a pizza with pepperoni and lots of cheese and I had a pizza with onions, mushrooms, red pepper, reduced fat mozzarella and cheddar. I had a huge salad with light dressing and two pieces of pizza and of course the mousse with raspberries.

Although the morning began with a panic it has ended on a happy note. I have decided to stay clear from the scale for awhile and just start eating healthy fresh food and see where it takes me.

It is great to be back blogging and taking pictures of all my wonderful eats! Off to watching a movie with hubby.

Blog world!

2009-12-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

I love blogging and I enjoy reading blog as well. They give me hope and insight to what everyone is eating and how they handle food. There are some that are honest with their struggles and others that don't mention it at all. It is some times hard for me to believe that I may be a select few that have binges so great that I have to lie down with my pant unzipped moaning wish that I could just die or at least throw up. I did not want this blog to be about hiding my struggles but to put them all out there for the world to see. It is the hope for me that not only will I be able to write about my struggles but also touch others with the same struggles as well.
Case in point tonight was one of those nights. I worked until 12:30 had my lunch at work because I wanted to head to the grocery store and gym. I had a delicious homemade bean burger on a Arnold bun with 1 TB of BBQ sauce and broccoli slaw with a delicious flaxseed dressing. It was fabulous. I ran to Costco and then headed to the gym. Had a great work out and did 30 minutes of cardio. I made the mistake of getting on the scale and maybe that is what set things in motion. I had a protein shake while leaving the gym. I was still in line with the way I wanted to eat. That was before I set foot in the house then it went out the door. I wanted food and I didn't want to figure out why or attempt to stop. Although I did not eat to total discomfort it was not planned and was WAY more than I needed. So now I sit here after having just had a few pieces of toast with butter and an apple with peanut butter. I ask myself will this pattern every end for me? Is it so awful to do?
I will wake up tomorrow and will start my day like I do each and every day with a wonderful bowl of oats, because I love it! I just see so many bloggers just have so much self control with their eating having their perfect portions and I wonder am I the only one that seems to struggle so badly. Will I every be able to find peace and balance? I do know one thing that I will never give up trying and I hope for the day that I find it. I have come so far to give up now.
I think I will go see if I can get my little camera fixed so that I can start taking pictures of my foods. I love to do that so much and I really miss it.
I have a few great new recipes that I am eager to try and share. Thank you so much for reading and listening to me trying to figure this out.

Weigh or not to Weigh

2009-11-30T03:56:00.000-08:00

Weigh or not to weigh has been a big question that last few days. As I continue on my journey to living a healthy and active life I have begun to look at this question among others.

Yes it is a choice and it does come down to personal choice but how do you know which is right for you? And is there a right way to do it in the first place? I am a BIG blog reader I love it and I get so many wonderful ideas and I feel so connect to others fighting there own fight on a healthy life style. Some encourage never weighing other say weigh once a week others say weigh daily. But as I sit here on "MY" journey I continue to struggle with this question. In one way I don't want to be glued to a number on the scale and it defining who I am but in another way I need to be accountable for what I choose to put into my mouth and one way is the scale.

I would love to get your input on this interesting topic: Weigh or not to Weigh? I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Thanks!

2009-10-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write and thanks everyone who made a comment to my last blog entry. It touched me deeply and I wanted you all to know that.
Yesterday was a good day in the eating front and I wrote down meals for the whole week this include all six meals each day. I think this will help me stay focused and no wondering what I am going to eat.
I am trying to keep cost down in our grocery bill and was worried that I would not be able to continue eating on my plan. I was pleasantly surprised when I went with a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote down everything there was available. I think we tend to think we don't have enough and this is probably why I way over spend at the grocery store. There is plenty to eat this week and I have a sense of peace around that. Thanks to Kim for always being there to support me. Not sure what I will do once I am done working with her in November but I am going to treasure all the time I have left.
It is Monday and it is chest and back day today. I love lifting weights but the cardio well that is another story. I am just dreading it. But I keep telling myself that it is only 35 minutes and then it is done. So I will go prepare my preworkout smoothie and head to the gym.
Thanks again to everyone for all your wonderful comments.

2009-10-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I have blogged and I have thought to do it many time but wasn't sure what to write. I feel like I continue to struggle with the same old things and the past few days have been no different. I have been adding additional food in my diet and today I am not feeling so good about it. But when does it stop? Does it every stop?
Do I feel good about the way I look? yes Would I like to continue to improve? yes.
But I also want to live a little... Enjoy food... Is there a way to have both? I continue to struggle with these questions.
I have eaten quite a bit of food today and not even sure how to pick up the pieces and move on. I guess I will start by having a chicken salad for dinner what I planned on having and just go from here. I guess that is all I can do. Beating myself up over what has already occurred is useless and serves no purpose.
I pray and hope and some point I will find a happy medium along the way.

I want it and I want it yesterday!!

2009-09-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

How often have we wanted something and didn't want to wait to get it? Anything from a new dress, new book and even a new body. We start a new diet and exercise plan and want to lose all the weight that has taken months or even years to accumulate with in days. We feel that we have made great sacrifices and wonder why our bodies are not responding. Within weeks of not getting the results we feel we deserve we are on the hunt looking for a better plan, because of course its the plan that is not working. Seldom do we want to admit or even look at our part in the equation.

You may ask, "What part could I be playing? I am following the plan a 100% there isn't anything to look at." One part that we tend to forget, and one most important, is our mental thought. The things we think about ourselves. We place such high expectations on ourselves no wonder we get discouraged so quickly. I ask what would happen if you accept yourself as you are at this moment? Begin to love yourself as you are. Turn all the negative talk to loving talk. This can be as simple as find one thing you love about yourself. Acknowledge all the wonderful thing about you. Begin to turn your focus on all the good you possess.

Once you turn your focus you can begin to just enjoy the process. Work on making every workout count and making every meal enjoyable with fresh clean foods. Focus on correct form and challenge your body with each work out. Research and find new food to incorporate to your diet and new recipes to try.

Results come from consistent loving work both physically and mentally. Once these are achieved the rewards will be limitless!!

Life is Good!!

2009-09-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I decided that it would be a good idea to get out and enjoy it!
These picture of our outing. Absolutely beautiful.

This would have been a great picture if the lighting would have been better but you can see me a little..

Hubby posing for a great picture. It was so nice to spend the day together. With all the stuff going on in our lives it was nice to be able to truly realize what is important. I know I tend to get all caught up in all that but it was nice to just enjoy life! Do thing suck for us right now? Sure but it could always be worse and we have our health and it was nice to realize that today.

Hubby really need to take a photography class. This would have been a fabulous picture if it wasn't blurry but I still liked it and I am posting it anyway!!

Stopped for a much need break and snack. We had just walked up a billion steps!! I was dying and sweating. And I thought I was in shape!! It was a great day and we walk for over two hours. My little feet where sore but I was grateful that we both have our health and were able to enjoy such a beautiful day together.

Still Pluggin Away!

2009-09-25T06:24:00.001-07:00

Yes I am still here and still plugging away. I have come to my blog many times wondering what I could possible write that I haven't written before. How could I write what I am going through without having a pitty party.
I continue to hit the gym hard and maintain eating clean. I haven't had a all out feast on food since I blogged about it last. All good things right? So why does it never feel good enough? Why must I continue to want instant results for my efforts? But the truth that is how I am feeling. I often ask myself why is my body betraying me? I am giving this whole process 100%, but am I? Doesn't part of the process mean being kind and loving to yourself? Sure eating clean and exercise is loving yourself but there is SO much more to it that I feel like I need to recognize.
I am at a different road on my journey and the sooner I can come to terms with the better I will be. There are part of my body that I don't like and I want to change. Of course I want those result to have happened yesterday. But those results will not happen over night and the training and the way of eating that I am learning now will get me results over time. How long with that take? There is no way of knowing. The most critical thing I have to learn right now is mental acceptance of my body right now. I have to learn to love me just the way I am at this moment as I am. I have to be patient and remember how far I have come.

Refeed Meal Became Refeed Feast

2009-09-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

I have had some time to get over the refeed feast I had this weekend. I still have a lot of mental work to do. I blogged about in on TFF and Kim and I texted a little about it today. She read what I had written and said that I am right where I need to me. Everything I am feeling now is normal and good. How can being bloated like a beach whale be good? I have to continue to remind myself that this is a journey a process and will not always go as "I" want it to do. The best part of it I was able to jump right back into my eating plan on Sunday. I feel SO much better. I thought I would share some of the wonderful eats I had today. I worked out at 10:30 this morning and work out until 11:30. I have to eat 30 minutes after my work out so I came home and made this delicious meal. Whole wheat pasta, chicken, fresh garden tomatoes, garlic and basil. Oh SO yummy!

As many of you know I love ice cream I really do So I have been make my own version these days and am loving it. Protein shake and frozen mixed berries. Fabulous!!

Another one of my favorite things lately is fish I bake in tin foil. Tonight I layered lemons, onion and place the tilipia on top. Drizzled it with olive oil and dill and more lemon and onion . Place it in the oven until done. So moist and fresh. I had it with broccoli and some delicious red quinoa. If you haven't tried it you need to it has a wonderful texture. Great eats today.

I am going to sit and relax and get some motivation from Biggest Loser and will have my snack at 8:30, diced granny smith apple, cottage cheese, splenda, cinnamon topped with ground flaxseed meal.

Keep pushing everyone never give up, stay positive. We all must learn from this journey and become wiser and better peoplebecause of it!!

It's just a number right?

2009-09-11T05:01:00.001-07:00

I have missed posting picture of my eats so I finally took some yesterday. I have been trying to get creative with the food I have on my list to eat. So for lunch yesterday I made a version of a Spanish type rice. I had 4 ounces of chicken a fresh tomato cut up and some home made taco seasoning. I heat that up and then add 3/4 cup of brown rice. It was very yummy and then I had some broccoli on the side.

For dinner last night I had fish. I found this recipe on the bag of frozen Tilipia and it had everything that I could have. I browned some sweet onion in a little olive oil and then I topped it with the Tilipia, garlic, fresh basil and a fresh tomato and I threw the pan in the oven. I add a little sea salt and it was delicious. I served it on top of some whole wheat couscous and side of string green beans

I got on the scale this morningwhich I had much anticipated all week. I tried to remind myself that it didn't really matter what it said. I had done well and I was feeling great. The number was the same 148. I was slightly disappointed and of course had to jump on the scale several more time to make sure it was correct. When my husband wakes up I will have him take my measurements to see if there were any changes in those numbers. I will have been with TFF two week on Monday. I am lifting well and I have made all my works out and have followed the plan 100 % so I have to be ok with that an move on.

Have legs and cardio today and am certainly looking forward to my refeed meal tomorrow. I have the place pick out and what I am going to order. Can you tell I still love to eat?

Going Strong!

2009-09-09T04:38:00.000-07:00

Thought I would stop by to give a quick up date. Things are going great and I have been holding the line quite well. I have been able to stick to my goal this week and have not been on the scale since last Friday. This is a big one for me and I keep telling myself just two more days. I must continue to remind myself at this point it is not about the number on the scale and if I am eating cleaning and foll wing my exercise program there is truly nothing else to worry about.
I had a great leg work out yesterday and am feeling a little discomfort this morning. Today is cardio and core work. I have come to realize that my core strength is pathetic. This will be something I want to focus on the next 1o weeks or so.
Had a interview this weekend for a couple that is working for a nanny to help up with their two little boys 25-30 hours a week. I never thought this might be something I would want to do but I enjoyed being with the boys and at this point the money would truly help. I have yet to hear from them and have applied for several other nanny jobs so maybe something will come through with that. I did get a phone call from the job applied for last week and I think they are interested in hiring me. I have yet to decided if that is something i truly want to do. I will continue to pray for guidance for the right decision.
Both kids are doing well and school and we are adjusting to them both being gone.
I will continue to keep you posted on my progress and I will attempt to start posting some of my new eats.

Smooth Sailing

2009-09-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

I am beginning Day 6 of TFF and so far it has been smooth sailing. I still have work to do with my approach but the diet and exercise are going well. I weighed yesterday since that is the "official" weigh in day. I was 148 on my home scale and I was 154 when I started on Sunday.
I have a couple of goals for myself this week, Number One: is to stay of the scale until next Friday. This will be a hard one for me and I find it odd that I can stick to the diet and exercise but staying off the scale is a test of will for me. Number Two: is to enjoy the process and the journey. I tend to be so intense that I am not able to focus on what it is I am trying to do, if that makes sense. So this week my focus will be on form and really squeezing the muscle I am working. And if by doing that I do not get the recommended about of reps so be it. Please continue to remember that this is a process, a journey and it is to be enjoyed to help you grow not only in physique but in mind.
I have my re feed meal tonight, I have some reservations about it and have to admit that I both excited and nervous. I want to focus tonight on just enjoying the food and being with my husband. Since I won't be getting on the scale until next Friday I don't have to have any hidden fears on what the scale will say tomorrow and that will be a blessing.

Day 4

2009-09-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone! Everything is going well for me. I am getting my energy back and it feels great. Yesterday was my cardio today and today will be Upper Body. I am still learning my body and like Kim has said, enjoy the process. I have to continue to remind myself that there is no finish line. I am learning about me and body and what it can do. That is very exciting and I am happy to be able to focus on that now.
My neighbors mother is in the hospital and she hasbeen spending all her time there. So I have offered to making her family dinner tonight. I made the homemade spaghetti last night and today I will run to the store and get bread and stuff to make cookies. Dinner will be: spaghetti and turkey meatballs, Salad and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. It makes me feel good to know that I can help her in some small way while she is going through all this.
I had an interview for a personal care giver job last night. It would be Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays from 3-9. It is for a 32 year old man who is paralyzed. He does not speak but is able to communicate. It scares me a little just because I am want to do everything right. But I guess there isn't such a thing. I can focus my attention on helping him and doing the best that I can. I must give myself a break because I haven't done this before it will be a learning process but could be a great growing experience for me. They have two other people they are going to interview and will be making a decision next week. The pay isn't a lot but at this point I think it would help me get some of my nursing skills back and put me out in the "world" again. Since the kids have been gone I feel such a big void in my life. What a good way to fill it than my helping someone who needs "me".
Things are good and I am feeling Joy in my heart. It can't get any better than that.
Tomorrow is my official weigh in day I will let you know how it goes.

Day One

2009-08-31T16:53:00.000-07:00

It was both exciting and frustrating today. I am feel much more in control when I have a plan and for that I am grateful. The exercise routine is going to take me some time. I have always had some one beside me to supervise so not having that is a little frustrating. I second guess if I am doing it correctly, is it enough weight, should I have gone heavier. I need to continue to remind myself that it isn't going to go perfectly the first time I am going to have to learn my body. I believe that will be very empowering for me. I just have to be patient.
Of course at the new gym they want to sell me on a personal trainer. I tried to say politely that I don't think I am ready to jump into that right now. Which is SO true. This is one of the reasons I went with TFF. I trust Kim.
The diet has gone well it has been weird having apples, rice again. Believe me I am not complaining one bit.
I am hoping to really get in touch with my body. How I am feeling energy, strength. I have SO much to learn and I think this will be a great opportunity for me to do that. Now I just need to be strong in my decision and move forward.
I have day one behind me. I have one meal left and then day one is complete.
I can do this!!

Tomorrow I start TFF

2009-08-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

The day has "finally" arrived. I have been anxiously awaiting to begin this new journey with TFF. I have talked to Kim a couple of time and I have my plan all printed out and ready to begin.
I had to get on the scale this morning to get my official start weight. I have to be honest and I was not looking forward to it and was not really happy with what I saw. But I am ready to move beyond it and get moving. I must also continue to remind mind myself that I taking a different approach now. I am "building" and that is very excited and that is truly what I wanted. So with that comes a different mind set. It will be nice not weighing every day and just focusing on my plan .
We went to the grocery store yesterday and I have everything ready. Once hubby gets up I will have him measure me and then I wait until tomorrow morning. I will start the workout program today and will head to the gym about 11:00 to do my first session of HIIT. Although I know it won't be a ton of fun but I will continue to remind myself that it is only for 30 minutes.
I look forward to sharing this new journey with you. I have also been told that my former trainer was unable to take any responsibility for me leaving and blamed it all on that fact that I have low self esteem. This gave me more determination than ever to prove him wrong. I want to go in the gym in three month looking better than ever. It is now my mission.
I applied for a job on Craig's list the other day and got a email response. I am hoping to talk to the women today. It would be so nice to find something. Although it is only part time and the pay isn't the best at this point it is better than nothing. I will keep you posted on that as well.
See you tomorrow with an update on how Day 1 is going.

2009-08-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

Good Morning! I am going to do a recap of yesterday eats. I forgot to take a picture of my breakfast yesterday but I cook up a oatmeal banana pancake and topped it with PB2, blueberries and agave nectar. I just love those pancakes. I trained yesterday at 10:30 and I had cooked these little muffins yesterday and ate them before my work out today. The recipe called to make them into big muffins but I thought I would try them as minis. They were really good but I don't think I cooked them quite long enough. I got this from Kristin blog. She has some great recipe and I am excited about trying more.

I had a pretty good work out and was worried that it would be tense between my trainer and I since this is my last week. I tried to keep the conversation general and move forward the best I could. Had a pretty good work out and I did an intense HIIT on the treadmill after my training session. On the way home I stopped by the new gym and signed up. It is going to be so nice having the gym right down the street. I think I will be using that for all my cardio this week.

I had some left over mousse from yesterday so I topped it with some fruit and had that for a mid afternoon snack. Hubby and I worked on converting my daughter room into a guess room/office. We moved the bed up from the basement and the desk. The desk is so HEAVY and we both were huffing and puffing. Next is to get the computer up there and everything set up. Sure will be nice when it is finished. I became VERY hungry before dinner and I usually wait until 7:00 to eat. I tried to hold out but I just couldn't make it. I had some mindless eating and I was pretty disappointed about it. Today I am trying to reflex on it and figure out how I could have done it better and maybe I need more food after my hard work out today. It is this stuff I am looking forward to working with Kim with.

At first I wanted to skip dinner all together but I knew that was not the best way to handle the situation. So I ate my planned dinner, red beans and rice and the rest of the Kale salad. I finished up my gallon of water for the day and was happy that I finished the day on a good note.

I trained today at 12:30 and not sure what else I will have in store for today. Tomorrow I will head over to the new gym and do my first cardio session over there. I am eager to check out all the "new" cardio equipment. Only 6 more day until I start with Kim and start on the new journey. I am really looking forward to the opportunity.

Clean Eating

2009-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

I was required to send my online trainer some current photos. This picture was taken this morning. I don't look to bad but still have work to do, considering I was a 270 pounds women at one time I really can't complain to much.

Around 10:00 I had my mid morning snack. Almond butter with an apple. I have not had fruit in over a month and let me tell you this was heaven. I truly missed fruit and it gave me such comfort knowing that I was doing my body good.

Before heading out to get the weeks worth of groceries I finally decided to give this a try. It make sound weird but I really love it. And you ask what is this? It is a tuna pancake.

3 ounces of tuna, 1/2 cup rolled oats, 2 egg whites and some Italian seasoning. I cooked it up in a non-stick frying plan and topped it with organic no-sugar ketchup. I think I found another favorite. It was quite delicious and very low cal. Gotta love that!

Hubby and I went out and did the grocery shopping. I have been missing this wonderful snack and couldn't wait to pick up the ingredient to have it this afternoon. After putting the groceries away, cutting up the lettuce and broccoli and preparing the Kale Salad for dinner. I sat out on the front porch to enjoy my silken tofu mousse with fresh raspberries. The raspberries were fabulous and the mousse was thick and full of chocolate flavor. A great and satisfying snack.

I can't recall the last time I had pasta and I was looking forward to having it for tonights dinner. I made some great tasting turkey meatballs and whole wheat pasta. I enjoy every single bite.

Along with the pasta I made up some delicious Kale Salad. This is a great summer salad full of flavor. This salad has Kale, cranberries, dried apples, red onion, green onion and a dressing made with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, honey, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

I was very pleased with my eats today and continue to focus on feeding my body healthy "clean" food. I am attempting to leave my obsession over the scale behind. I am not quite there yet but I think it will continue to get better once I leave my trainer who hounds me about my weight each and every time I see him. I am looking forward to having that stress removed from my life.

It will get easier?

2009-08-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well here is my dinner last night. I am excited about being back into some "normal" clean eating. When we returned back from Kirksville I had a lot of emotional eating going on, which I felt terrible about. I finally gave in and took a two hour nap and got up feeling better and ready to regroup. I cooked up some Dijon Crusted Tilipia with whole wheat couscous and broccoli a great meal and very satisfying. There was no need to have anything else last night.

It was so wonderful seeing my son again at his scrimmage at Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri. He is number 73 in the photo. He looks great and seems to be adjusting to college life quite well. I thought it would be easy seeming him and saying good bye but I was mistaken. Although I know this is a great place for him I guess part of me, being a mom, missed him needing me. I guess I can't expect to just stop wanting to do that when I have been doing it for him for eighteen years. Hopefully time will help.

I am going to attempt to start taking photos of my food again. But I just have to remember to do it. I had my delicious oat meal porridge this morning. I just love this stuff. I added a little banana to it this morning. YUMMY! I already know what I am having for lunch and I will make sure that I take pictures of it. I also will be taking some picture of myself. I have a new online trainer that I will be working with and she wants to see what she is looking at as far as my current physique. I will post those as well.

I found a new gym that I will be working out at and I am excited! Things are good and I am ready to start moving forward. Last training session with my current trainer will be the 29th and then I am ready to get going. Will start with my new online trainer, Kim, on the 31st.

Fresh!!

2009-08-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been gone for so long! But I had some really hard decisions to make. We got both kids off to school and now our house is empty, quiet and clean. Very strange.
I know I have talked about how unhappy I have been with my trainer and how torn I was on what the right thing to do was. Well I FINALLY made a decision. I told him yesterday that I would not be training with him for awhile. I did not go into all my reason I didn't feel like it was necessary. I told him it was financial which is not a complete lie. My husband has been out of work for 14 months and I have yet to find anything as well. I do believe this will help relieve a little stress not having to fork out that money each month. But of course with leaving comes all kinds of fear. Can I do this on my own? How will I do this? What should I eat? What kind of goals should I set myself? The list goes on and on. I am not sure of all the answers right now but I do know one thing I feel at peace with my decision and I am ready to move forward. His constant pyscho babble with not be missed. His constant hounding me about my weight will not be missed. I just want to train hard and transform my body!
I girl that I have know from Sparkspeople for quite some time has an online training service. I trust her and I will be talking with her today to pick her brain on where I should go from here. I have talked to quite a few people the last few days and the more I talk to them the more confused I become. Most just want my money and want to train me but I do not want to be put in a situation that I just got out off. I deserve more than that. I am going to listed to my gut! So far there is one guy that I would consider going to if I am not able to do this on my own. I am going to give myself three month doing it SOLO and see what happens.
I will finish up training with my trainer until the end of the month and then the new journey begins.
Stay tuned I will be blog my new journey.

Ready To Go!!

2009-08-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

Have had a busy day and this afternoon I began prepping everything for our trip tomorrow. I have my three gallons of distilled water, six protein shakes, two serving of my oatmeal that is combine with 1 egg and three whites, fish for tomorrow night, chicken for the rest of the meals, ranch dressing and lettuce. I know that if you don't prepare to succeed you will fail. So I feel really good about it.
This times seems different to me I feel like my head is in the right place. It will be nice to know that when we return on Friday that I will be coming to the close of my third weeks. I have one more week and I have stuck it for a month! That is SO rewarding for me. After this week I will be a quarter of the way through this journey. I often have to look at things that way to help motivated me to continue going as well as letting myself realize how far I have come. So far so good.
Had a great training session and my trainer is thrilled with my progress. I was able to do 100 pound lat pull down with assistance today as well as seated dumbell curl and hammer curl using 20 pounds weight. I can begin to see the hard working paying off and it feels SO good.
I will blog on Friday or Saturday when I return. Hope everyone has a great week..

Day 16

2009-08-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

Here we are the beginning of a new week. I am now starting my third week on my new eating plan and am holding the line quite well. I had my official weigh in at the gym and I weighed in at 150.2. So I have lost 2.2 pounds last week. I am still ahead of the 1.5 pounds that I had set up for myself. Had a great chest, shoulder and triceps work out today. My trainer says I am getting my strength back and is pleased with how I am doing.
My husband and I are planning to head to Michigan on Wednesday and will return home on Friday. So I plan on bring all my own food for this trip. Tomorrow I will cook up my fish and make sure I have enough chicken cook, if not, I will cook up some more chicken. I cut up lettuce yesterday and will have see if I have enough for the trip. I will also cook up my oatmeal and put that in containers so all I have to do is reheat. I have done this before and it makes things go so much smoother for me. My parents have come to accept this so it help make this SO much easier for me. I continue to take small step to help me get through the next 10 weeks. I have something to prove myself and that is why I am doing it. I want to prove that I do have the discipline to do this for 12 weeks. I have made attempt before but have always had some cheat and fallen off track. I want this time to be different and stick it out solid the whole time.
It truly is all in our minds. I continue fill myself with positive thought and remind myself daily and some times hourly why I am doing this and that I CAN do it!
Thank to everyone for your encouraging words it truly has help me keep everything going.

Day14

2009-08-08T04:45:00.000-07:00

Today is day 14 of my new eating plan. The mind games are beginning and this is when I will need to dig deep and keep the course. I have begun to question why am I doing this? Can I do this? Will it be worth the sacrifice? I may not be able to answer those questions right now but I know if I given upat this point I will feel bad and defeated. I have had many obstacles that I have had to over come on my journey this one is no different. I will take it one day and one meal at a time. I know that I can be victorious because I have done it before. I texted my trainer last night asking for encouragement and this is his response: "This is all about you! No one can do it but you and that is all there is to it!" It is all about me and I am the only one that can do it. So now I must find a way to make it happen for me. What ever game or strategies I must come up with to just do it! My weight at the gym is currently 151.6. I figure in order to get to 139 I must lose about 1.3 pounds per week so at this point I am ahead of the game and I must continue to remind myself of that. I am use to instant gratification on my effort this is a different beast and I must approach it much different. Focus less on the scale number and more on my training. I must also figure out or come up with some thing to spend my time doing. I think I have WAY to much free time now that our nest is empty.
Did I tell you that the writer from clean eating emailed me? We are attempting to set up a phone interview the week of the 17th. I also have been talking to a writer for spryliving magazine who would also like to talk to me. This is very exciting and I love sharing with others what I have learned along my journey.
Off to eat meal #1

Transition Begins!

2009-08-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

It has been a emotional and long past few days. Sorry I didn't blog but I needed the time to be with my son and family and start the Transition our family is about to begin.

We arrived in Kirksville on Wednesday evening around 6:30 pm. We spent the night in a hotel and we were able to get the key to the dorm room at 8:00 am on Thursday morning. This is a picture of his dorm hall from the main street.

This is a picture of the entrance is from the side door which we used to hall his stuff to is room. His room is on the first floor which made it very convenient and it wasn't to far down from this door. If anyone know my son, he is a very simple kind of kid. Not much to pack and bring along. He may decide after living there for a while of others things he might want and need.

His room mates parent and my husband and myself took a few hours to get stuff move around how they wanted it. It looks like it will work out quite well. We were able to walk around campus and help him get his gear and other things he needed to get started. We said our good byes around 4:00 pm. It was difficult but I felt like he is going to be OK. He was already playing xbox with a new team mate when we left.

I made it a whole ten minutes after leaving before the tears began. I am not worried about him because I have raised a great son and I know he will do great things. But I will miss seeing him every day and him just being around. This is a new part of my life that I will have to adjust to. Now about 10 more days and we will do it again when we move our daughter into her apartment.

I packed all my food for the trip and was on program 100% I was a little disappointed with the scale this morning thought I would see some sort of drop for all my hard effort. Nothing yet. I need to keep my mind in the game and just keep moving forward. Give it over to my trainer and let he figure out how I need to get the rest of it off.

No change in the food plan yet . Will see what he says on Saturday or Monday.

Home Safe and Sound!

2009-07-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

My son arrived home safe and sound from his trip to Germany on Tuesday. It has been a pretty busy week. We are now getting him ready to head off to college on August 5th.

I believe this picture are from Lucerne. He had a great time and Iam so glad that we are able to send him on this once in a life time trip. He took tons of pictures and I am so grateful!

My husband and I joke that he left on the trip a boy and came back a man. Could this been from all the beer he drank?

The last few days have been full of emotion for not only me but I think for all of us. You raise your kids and when they are little you are always wanting them to grow up. You want them to roll over, sit up, walk ,talk, go to school.... But little do you realize by doing this the time will come that it is time for them to leave the nest. Although you know one day it will come I don't think you are every quite ready.

I know that my husband and I have done a great job and he will do well out in the world. I guess the sad part is that once he leave it will be different when he returns.

He will "always" be my little boy and I couldn't be prouder!

Control, Trust and Confident

2009-07-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have been aware that I like to be in control and throw the word around quite often. Today I i decided to look actually look up its meaning.

Control
1. To exercise authority or dominating influence over , direct, regulate
2. To hold in restraint, check
3. To verify or regulate (a scientific experiment) by conducting a parallel experiment or by comparing with some other standard.
4. To verify(an account, for example) by using a duplicate register for comparison.

I was so blessed to discuss my current situation with my trainer with a "dear" friend (Gale). Today I am grateful for her ability to bring to my awareness what possible be going on. I don't think I would have seen it with out her insight. After looking up the definition of "control" it is very clear to me what could be happening. I have total fear of releasing "control" of my training to my trainer. For the last 24 hours I can say that I have been comparing with other standards, by looking up stuff on the Internet and talking to others to build evidence to myself that I ""must" keep the control. How does this serve me? How can I grow and trust if I constantly want the control?
With this brought up another interesting point, trust.

Trust:
1. confidence in the integrity, ability, character and truth of a person
2. One in which confidence is placed.

I think I equate trust with fulfilling my expectations and loyalty. I believe I throw the word trust around to test if people care about me... enough. But ultimately, it isn't anyonelses responsibility to make sure all my needs are take care of . The only person in charge is me. Why would I expect others to think of me first when I can't even do that for myself? And I believe this finally boils down to confident.

Confident:
1. marked by assurance as of success
2. marked by confidence in oneself
3. very bold, persumptious

Being confident is the ultimate victory to self acceptance, self worth and overall contentment and joy in our lives. In order to truly build confidence you must take risks, and they are not always very comfortable. But isn't being a "little" uncomfortable worth it? I choose yes!!

So I choose to release my control and begin to trust the process. I am handing over this to my trainer.
In the end I will stand confident in myself because I did!

Day 1 complete!

2009-07-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

This morning I was eager to get this diet started. I decided that my eating schedule will be 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm. I woke up this morning and cooked up my first meal. 3 egg whites, one whole egg, 1 serving of oatmeal, 1 tsp flaxseed meal and splenda. I like cooking this all together you get a nice big bowl of oatmeal. No complaints at all with this meal. Love it!

10 am I had this. I had never had this before and I picked it up at Costco. Has 30g of Protein and it tasted quite good. I had this before we head over to a get together put on by the Truman State University Alumni for Illinois student who would be attending Truman this year. It was nice to be able to see others students, parents and also to asked the alumni some questions. We were sorry that our son was not able to attend with us. I started getting pretty hungry about 12:30 and was happy that my husband wanted to stopped by Best Buy before heading home. I was able to keep my mind off the fact that I was pretty hungry.

Came home and made up a nice big chicken salad. I cooked the chicken up in some homemade taco seasoning that I make that has not salt. I have always enjoyed this salad won't have a problem eating this either. I had a very productive after noon. I made some oatmeal cookies, and a dinner for one of our neighbors. He was kind enough to come over yesterday and help my husband with our sons car. Since he is a divorce guy living alone I thought it would be nice to make a meal. So I cooked up some oatmeal raisin cookies, pork tenderloin wrapped in bacon and rice with peas. He was surprised when I rang his door bell with dinner. Sure hope he enjoys it!! I loved doing it so it was no big deal to me. Hubby and I went to the store and got grocery for the week and when we got back it was time for meal number #4.

My girlfriend called and we caught up on things and before I knew it meal #5 for was here.

Since I need to have three fish meals a week I thought I would have them on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. So I cooked up some tilipia with lemon pepper seasoning in a nonstick skillet spray with cooking spray and had salad with ranch dressing.

My belly is happy and I have a few more things to do before I can rest for the evening. I was hoping to make some ice cream cookies for my son when he comes back on Tuesday. Tomorrow my day is full and I won't have time to make them so I was hoping to be able to do that tonight. I have my book group tomorrow and I need to read over the chapter and answer the question so I am prepared. I also need to make sure that all my meals are in place for me tomorrow.

So I am out of here to getting things in order. It was a great first day and I am feeling good.

I am also going to try to get hubby to take some picture tonight and hope to post them tomorrow.

Effort!

2009-07-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

Below the picture it states, "Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second"

I saw this on Sandrelle's blog I read and I thought it was so appropriate for my journey. It was exactly what I needed to read. She also had this quote which I thought was so fitting:

"To experience real growth, you need to push yourself to the edge -- without going over. It's stretching yourself a bit further than you're used to, just past the point of comfort and into the wide-open space of the unknown. Nerve wracking? A little. Worth it? Absolutely. Because only then will you discover what your body and your spirit are truly capable of ... And if is more than you had ever dreamed." Fitness magazine 2003

I can't thank her enough for posting it. I will refer to this quote often. We just got back from eating and I am SO full and a little bloated but I think it put me in a good mind set for tomorrow. We ran to the store and got my seven gallon of distilled water so I am ready to go. It feels good to have a plan and have everything in place to make it happen.

I have let the people know what I am doing so that will have the support I to get through this. I plan on doing this plan as any figure competitor would who gets ready to do a show. 12 weeks!

Last Fling!!

2009-07-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning had my eggs and decided to go over to the farmers market before my training session. I picked up lettuce, green beans, raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes and dill garlic pickles.
I was a little nervous about my training session today but I felt like it went well. I am use to him doing a lot of talking and we didn't do much of that which was fine by me. I am there to train not talk. I felt good about it. I received the diet that I will be living on. So I decided today will be the "last fling" I feel like I need to get my mind right going into. If this is what I truly want I have to prove it by doing it.
I went to Costco and got my supplies and all I have to do is get 7 gallons of distilled water.

This is how the diet will go:

Meal 1: 4 eggs whites and one yolk
1 serving of oatmeal with tsp of flax
Meal 2: 35g protein shake
Meal 3: 5 ounces of chicken
romaine lettuce with ranch dressing
Meal 4: 35g protein shake
Meal 5: 6 ounces of chicken
romaine lettuce with ranch dressing

multi vitamin 2-3 times a day
one gallon of distilled water each day
3 times a week Meal 5 will be changed to fish
Do exactly as written and no cheats

This is the plan. I have to get my mind in the game. I have to prove that I am in the game and that will be shown by how well I hold my end of the bargain.
I have had quite a few treats today and I am going to have hubby take me dinner tonight and maybe a ice cream cone. I just need to clear everything out of my mind. I don't have to start really until Monday but I think I will start tomorrow.
I will need TONS of support and I am plan on writing very truthfully how I am feeling each and every day. It will be good to look back on and keep me motivated to keep pushing forward. Not everyone can do what I am attempting to do if I can make it through this one I can say I truly made it! I am excited and nervous at the same time. I have conquered so much already this will just be the icing on the cake.
I plan on taking pictures tomorrow so I can show my starting point. Weight may be up tomorrow but I am OK with that. Because it is down from there!
Thank to everyone in advance for supporting through this final leg of my journey.

New Journey!

2009-07-24T16:23:00.001-07:00

Although my trainer has not given me the diet that I am going to follow I thought I would start converting over. I have followed his diet in the past and I pretty much know how it going to go. I got up early so that I could get my eating schedule in place: 6 am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. I started off with a protein shake made with Pro Complex and 8 ounces of Almond Breeze.

I decided that I would tackle cleaning out the refrigerator and begin preparing for my new eating plan. So I tossed things that needed to be tossed and things that I knew that I would not be eating any time soon and no one else in house would either. The refrigerator looks sparkly clean and it was way over due. 900 am came before I knew it and I cook up myself one egg and 4 whites along with a medium apple.

Time seem to fly today and before I knew it 1200 was here and I was ready for meal three. I reheated the last of the salmon that I had last night with some fresh green beans I picked up from the farmers market yesterday topped with a little Molly Mcbutter. I doubt that this will be something that will be allowed on the new program but I did enjoy it today. Met my friend, Diane, over at the gym and we trained chest, shoulders and triceps. We had a great work out and it was nice getting caught up on things. After the work out I had a Whey protein Nectar shake and I hit the elliptical for 30 minutes of cardio. My client cancelled tonight so I was able to head home early.

Dinner tonight was a taco chicken salad on green lettuce that I had picked up at the farmers market along with 2 tablespoon of ranch dressing. I have to admit I really have missed meat and it was nice to having it again. I snacked on a few dill pickles and will have another protein shake at 900.

Today was a good way to get back in the game. I am not official in the game until Monday but the scale was up a few pounds and I want to make sure I am at least 152 at the gym going into Monday. I was 154 today. I believe that goal we are shooting for is 135 or so.

I saw my trainer at the gym today and it felt slightly weird from our conversation yesterday. We didn't say much to each other and it made me feel real uneasy. This could just be the fact that I am not use to addressing my need and desires and worried that he will hold it against me or retaliate in some way. I know that should weird but that is how I feel. I train with the group tomorrow and I am slightly nervous to see how I will be treated. I know that if I feel anyway mistreated or singled out I need to stick up for myself and say that it is not appropriate. I guess I will cross that bridge if it happens. I need to continue to remind myself, although he is a great trainer and well know he is NOT the only trainer. And I deserve to be treated with respect and if I don't feel that way and can not get resolution that I have to the right and should leave.

I am not the same person I was a few month ago and I feel strong in what I need to do for me if it comes down to it! I deserve the best and look forward to this new journey to the finish line!

Relief!!

2009-07-23T16:47:00.001-07:00

I was a total wreck going into my meeting with my trainer today but it seemed to get much easier as the conversation went along. I am so RELIEVED! And proud of the stance I took on my own behalf. I ended up ordering a roasted veggie sandwich and eating half during our meeting and then the rest when I returned home. I wanted to eat everything in sight to reduce the all the feeling that were going inside of me. Although I may have eaten more I was able to pick all the right thing. Grapes, nuts and raisins.

Look very closely at my dinner tonight... Do you see anything different? If you guess the salmon on my plate you are correct. We had a very heart to heart talked today at lunch and I had to very specific on what I wanted. I want more definition, look like I could compete and I just want to see all my hard work in the gym displayed in front of me to see. That will take dedication and I believe I am ready to take that last step in my journey.

I respect my trainer he has trained many that have competed and won he does know what he is doing and I have to trust him and give my training and diet over to him if this is what I truly say that I want. I do, I truly do and that will include meat protein into my diet and I am OK with that. So tonight I began reintroducing meat into my diet. Tonight I had some Salmon Roulette for dinner.

A side of steamed broccoli with Molly McButter

and it was finished off with some whole wheat couscous. A great and satisfying dinner and I am quite full and content both emotional and physically.

This was a very rewarding day for me in a lot of way and for that I am proud. I have moved from a place of not being able to tell people what I need to having the confidence to say it. I felt like I was honest and direct and that he both heard me and respect what I was saying. Now the true test will be iin how he will react from here. Will I see more dedication on his part? I owe him the benefit of the doubt.

He will be writing my program and giving it to me on Saturday. I will begin on Monday with a new dedication to finish up this journey I have been traveling! The diet, weighing and training all will begin to make that happen. I can't say that from here on out that my food will be so exciting to see but if you want to come along for the last part of my journey your more than welcome to come along for the ride. I plan on taking pictures and posting them to document the beginning of the end! I am both excited and terrified because I have been on this diet before it is not exciting and can be difficult but I believe I have had a nice four month rest and ready to do it!

Day of Risk!

2009-07-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

I worried going to bed last night that I would have difficulty sleeping with the big day of risk ahead of me. But I wa quite surprised that I slept quite well. I had considered oatmeal this morning but ultimately decided on a omelet. I wasn't sure what kind of choices I would have at lunch today and thought I would keep reserve my carbs for that just in case.

I had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun-dried tomatoe and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. Yummy! A nice size omelet and quite fillings.

I continue to remind myself that with self growth must come risk and risk is not fun but worth it in the end. I will feel happy for it in the end.

Fabulous Day!!

2009-07-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been hungry for eggs so I have been having them. This morning I scrambled one egg and four whites with a little garlic powder and basil. Yummy! I think I have been shorting myself on protein and this may be a cause for my craving.

I had a super busy morning and very productive. I finally went down to the clerks office and filed my DBA (do business as) and then I ran to the newspaper to put in an ad since this is part of the requirement for a DBA. That will run in Fridays paper and the next three weeks and then it will be done. I also ran to Staples and am having them run off 25 copies of my personal chef brochure that my husband and I designed. Ran to Home Goods for some new frying pan and to the bank. By the time I got home I was hungry so I snacked on some grapes as I fried up my veggie burger in my "new" frying pan!!

It was a fabulous lunch but when I went to Costco I looked up the nutritional fact on the veggies burgers and there is not nearly enough protein in them. I am glad I know that and can add another protein source when I eat them. But it was delicious and I enjoyed every bite. I am not sure if I have told anyone that I submitted my success story to Clean Eating Magazine. I did this a week or so ago and they contacted me about getting a better before picture which I was happy to forward. I got an email today asking if i was interested in having them feature me in their magazine. I was thrilled and quickly responded. I received another email saying that a writer would be contacting me and that I should find addition before and after pictures. Can you believe it? Honestly I never found my story that special. I just figured there are other people that have lost a weight and did it under difficult circumstance I wasn't the only one. This is just my thinking. But I am thrilled with the opportunity and hopeful that they will hope it is worth printing. I will keep you posted on that.

I was to meet my client at the gym so I ate a banana before heading over to the gym. Unfortunately, she had to cancel as I was in route to the gym. I headed to Costco instead since I was out that way. I had a lot of difficulty not wanting to pick up something wonderful to eat the whole way home. I browsed the whole store thinking about what I would buy but in the end I just couldn't do it. I knew what every I choose to buy would be eaten and not just a small amount probably the whole container. I opened the gum and chomped on that until I got home.

While I prepared my dinner I eat some raisins. I had barbecue tofu, kale and sweet potato fries. I still didn't quite feel satisfied so I ate a pretty big portion of almonds. I know feel happy and satisfied.

I decided to be brave and talk face to face with my trainer tomorrow. This is a HUGE step for me. I have been happy with my training session with him and have felt guilty about saying something. I guess for all these years of being heavy I never felt that I was worthy of saying what I needed. I have talked to a few great friends (Kim , Kim, Amy and Gale) and my husband and I just bite the bullet and texted him. Instead of working out with him tomorrow I will be meeting with him for lunch. He is a very busy guy and this is pretty much the only way I can get him alone one on one. I an very nervous but proud of myself for making this step. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say or how I am going to say it but I hope the words will come tomorrow.

Discover

2009-07-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

It has been nice to get back to the "me" diet. I am starting to feel some what better about being able to make my "own" choices on what I am going to eat instead of finding something someone else says I should eat. For lunch was the perfect example. I decided to make a "me" taco salad for lunch.

Fresh green lettuce I got from the farmers market, little bit of 2% cheese, TVP flavored with homemade taco seasoning topped with a little reduce fat sour cream and salsa. Yummy! A nice filling lunch before my workout. We work on back and biceps today. It was a pretty good work out but I still feel like I could be challenge more since I'm rarely sore after my work outs. But do I have to be sore in order to say I got a good workout?

After my workout I had a banana and a Nectar whey protein isolate shake. I am trying to focus on getting a little more protein in these days. I did 30 minutes of cardio left the gym and did the grocery shopping for the week. Since my son is on his trip to Germany it was odd just buying a small amount of groceries but I can definitely get use to the total $45. I was in the neighborhood of my dear friend Gale so I stopped by for a nice chat. I miss talking with her and she always has such great insight into what I am going through and something I truly treasure about her. Thanks Gale!

Unfortunately, I was pretty hungry when I got home and that doesn't every work out to my advantage. Hubby and I prepared his dinner so I snacked on blueberries and nuts while we did that. Once his dinner was complete it was on to mine. I decided on having a omelet. It was really good. It had four egg whites, one egg, spinach, sun dried tomatoes and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. It was really good but I did eat it way to quickly and was searching for more.

I had a few more almonds, raisins and whatever else I could find. Thank goodness we don't care much junk in the house anymore. So I am being OK with the "little" food binge. I still think I might have a little frozen banana ice cream for dessert but I will play that one by hear.

Not sure if anyone knows but I have considered doing a figure competition. This is something I have thought about a while back and it has come into my mind again recently. I emailed a couple that does figure consulting and I am eager to set something up with them. I am looking forward to hearing their honest opinion about me. My body has been through the ringer and has the scar and wrinkles to show but if they feel like I can do it what do I have to lose. I have come so far what is wrong with taking it one step further. As most people know me I love a challenge and this may be something I could really use. Something to focus all my energy into. I it so exciting to continue to discover what I am made of and what I can truly do with my body and mind.

Pondering

2009-07-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to this delicious breakfast!! Can you name it? LOL! I can't help it this one I just love and enjoy every last bite of it.

For the last two night for dinner I have had this. It was so good and I didn't feel guilty one bit have to nice size bowls of it. Spaghetti squash with veggie crumble marinara. Yummy! Last night I went to make a batch and since I had left over squash to eaten. I went to the freeze and could not locate the veggie crumble. I was frantic and could not locate any. After first I thought I was going to have to resort to something else when a thought came in to my mind: why don't I use the TVP I have in the cabinet. (Textured vegetable Protein) It work out great and I actually like it better than the crumble I bought from the store so I think I am going to use this more often.

To make the marinara:

2 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup veggie "sausage style" crumble

1 Tb Italian seasoning

1 glove of garlic

1 cup crushed tomatoes

1 Tb balsamic vinegar

heat oil in pan and saute garlic, Italian seasoning and crumble or about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes and balsamic vinegar and cook an additional minute or so.

Yummy! I have also used this on top of polenta as I am sure you could put it on top of any whole wheat pasta.

Now that I think about it I may used this TVP to make some kind of sloppy Joe. Sounds good!!

As you can see by my post title, Pondering I have had a lot of stuff on my mind and not sure what road or step I want to make. First: Haven't quite decided what my eating "style' is going to be. I am hoping to up the protein grams but haven't quite figured out how I want to do that at this point. But like my dear friend Gale has said that is what is so great about maintenance you have an opportunity to pick it and there is a lot of different ways to do it. So I am keeping that in my mind as I experiment.

Two: Have thought about changing trainers. This one is a very heart wrenching for me and I am having a great deal of difficult with it. I did go over to another gym yesterday and talked with the owner/trainer. The gym is a hardcore gym and much different than the one I currently train at. I have heard and now am experiencing first hand how clients are committed and dedicated to their trainers. But I must ask the hard question and although I believe I know the answer it does not make it any easier. I have a free session scheduled at the other gym on Friday and I will just take it one step at a time. I believe I am at edge of bring my body to an all time high but am I willing to take the next step? I have so many time in the past so why is this any different?

Summer time Eats!!

2009-07-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

Decided on a protein shake for a snack. I scoop up Pro-Complex with 1 cup of almond breeze. It tasted pretty good but unfortunately it didn't keep me full long. I had the shake about 10:15 and started getting hungry around 11:45. So while I prepared lunch I finished of this.

Sweet and delicious watermelon. One of the many wonderful things about summer. The watermelon is now gone and I can start enjoying the fresh raspberries and blueberries I bought from the farmers market yesterday.

Remember these from this morning? Well I put them on skewers and grilled them up along with a veggie burger that I bought from Costco.

I nice portion of pattypans and a veggie burger for lunch. The burger was delicious all alone and I didn't even think in required a bun. Wish I would have kept the original container because I don't remember the nutritional value of these.

The recipe that I found for the patty pans was pretty good.

Grilled Pattypans

6 cups pattypan squash (about 1 1/2 pounds)

1/4 cup apricot spreadable fruit (I used orange marmalade since that is all I had)

2 teaspoon hoisin sauce

1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar

1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground ginger

Place squash in a grill wok or basket coated with nonstick cooking spray. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 5 minutes. Turn squash; grill 3-5 minutes longer or until tender.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Transfer the squash to a serving bowl; add sauce and toss gently. Serve immediately.

Nutrition facts: 3/4 cup equals 54 calories, trace fat, trace cholesterol, 127mg sodium, 12g carbohydrates, 1g fiber, 1g protein.

I think I probably didn't have quite enough squash and probably should have reduced the sauce recipe but it was still a nice treat.

I will have to check and see what kind of veggie burgers these were that I bought at Costco next time. But they were quite delicious and if I recall I think they were only around 170 calories.

It has been a great day and I have enjoy being home. I am now going to head out to pick up a few new rugs the ones I had the rubber backing is crumbling and they need to be tossed.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I have been eye up the spaghetti squash on the kitchen table and decided that is going to be dinner. It is Sunday and if you remember it is spaghetti on Sundays. I made the boys there homemade pasta but it will be spaghetti squash for me.

Beauty All Around!!

2009-07-19T07:34:00.001-07:00

Good Morning! It is a fabulous and sunny morning. I was out doors this morning and was taken back by how often I over look all the beauty around me. With the worries of life I have had a tendency to overlook all that truly remarkable things around me. I saw this beautiful rose in my own back yard today how many more roses had that rose bush produced this year that I have overlooked? Not today I saw it with all is beauty.

Can you see it? Look very closely... Yes, yes finally!! I have been going out every morning hoping and hoping that it would soon arrive and it did today! My first little green tomato in all its glory. I am thrilled!

I have never had any luck growing much and this is an all time first for me and I am very exciting. I have attempt in the past but have never been very successful. This tomato plant was very small when we started and it huge and full of blossoms. I am eager to use my "own" grown tomatoes for all kinds of wonderful eats. Now to wait until it gets big and red... How long do I have to wait? Do I sound like a little kid? I feel like one and I am loving it!! Speaking of fresh home grown... Look what I found at the farmers market yesterday....

Can you guess what it is? They were SO cute I just couldn't resist and I had remembered reading about them in a magazine so when I saw them I knew they were going home with me. Have you figured it out yet?

It is called a pattypan squash. When you think of summer squash you normally think of zucchini but there are others and patty pan is one of them, with their pretty scalloped edges and rounded shape, these small, light-green, white and yellow squash have a nuttier, lighter flavor than zucchini. Like other summer squash, pattypans do not have to be peeled. The whole squash is edible. This squash is extremely quick to fix and can be prepared in a variety of tasty ways. You can grill or saute them, bake or mash them for creamy casseroles and side dishes; or hollow them out, fill and bake them for delicious appetizers.

Pattypans are roughly 95 percent water, so they have a modes amount of nutrients. But they are a good source of vitamin C, fiber, potassium and magnesium. And they're also very low in calories and fat.

I found a recipe for a grilled pattypan that I am thinking of having for lunch or maybe dinner. I look forward to sharing with you how they are.

As for breakfast I decided to have these delicious pancakes! If you haven't tried these you have to! They`are quick, easy and SO good.

Peanut Butter and Banana Pancakes

1/3 cup quick oatmeal

2 egg whites

1/2 banana smashed

1 teaspoon baking powder

vanilla and cinnamon to taste

Mix all it together and pour into a warm skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Cook 3 minutes or until bubbly on to and then flip and cook another minute.

Nutritional info: (before peanut butter and toppings)

194 calories, 2g fat, 34g carbohydrates, 12g protein

Smear with 1 tablespoon peanut butter add a few berries and drizzle with agave nectar.

This morning I put 2 tablespoons of PB2 and agave nectar. (no fruit) going to have that for mid-morning snack. Speaking of mid-morning snack it is time for that. YAH!!

Hope you all notice the beauty around you today!!

Thank you all for the wonderful words yesterday they all touched me deeply and inspire me to be my very best and know that I AM good enough!

Quick Update!

2009-07-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and suggestions. I am happy to report that the stomach issue has resolved. It left as unexpected as it came. No rim or reason just gone. I was interesting but at this point am not even going to try to figure it out. I did end up going to the doctor Thursday morning, because Wednesday night my stomach was gurgling so bad. I did take Maalox twice that night. The doctor did some blood work and wanted me to get a stool sample to return to the office. Good and bad is that I have not had a sample to provide. Go figure. They did call and left a message saying that they had medicine for me and that the doctor want to schedule a gall bladder ultrasound. But not sure if this is necessary at this point.
Every since Thursday I have been totally off on my eating and I am ready to get back in the swing of things. I have a lot of options on what I want to do with food at this point and truthfully I am just not sure what I want to do. I am not liking the uncertainty and I am not even truly sure where this is coming from.
In on regard the vegetarian diet has gone extremely well for me and I have been able to stabilize my weight and that has been such a rewarding and peacful place. But then in another regard I am not sure if I can build the muscle mass I am hoping to get with a vegetarian diet. I see several girls in the gym whose muscle tone is amazing and you can see such great definition from them without them even flexing. At the root of this I must ask myself, why? What am I trying to prove? And what point will I be happy in my own skin? Can I be happy in my own skin?
They are deep questions but ones that I believe are truly worth looking at.
I have done some amazing stuff with my body that I never, ever thought possible. I have transformed it from a morbility obese person to a fit and lean women. I should stand proud and not hide in the shadows feeling like I have not yet arrived, because I have.
I guess the title of my blog says it all, Ever Winding Road! Are you happy in your own skin? Can you look in the mirror and truly be happy with what you see? I would love to hear you thought on this question.

Never Ending

2009-07-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

I continue to struggle with gastrointestinal issues. Of course being a once very obese person, I turned to the one things that has given me comfort: food. Bad idea! I reached for anything to give me the comfort I was so desperately seeking. Ice cream, marshmallows, dry sugar cereal.... Need I say more. The end result was not pleasant and I spent the remaining rest of the day in bed as close as possible to the bathroom. I am happy to report that I believe I learnedmy lesson from that experiment.
I am still under the weather and am yearning for comfort in any form. Today so far I have had my juice this morning, watermelon, 2 slices of raw goat cheese (not a great decision), almonds and homemade almond butter. But I must now rest my stomach it says no more. This is starting to aggravated me and a small partof me is concerned. My next question, how long must I wait before I contact a Doctor. The rest of the day I will plan on eating things that are easy to digest for now. Give my stomach a some time rest. I haven't quite figured out what that should include.
Anyone have any ideas? Thanks for listening...

New Day!!

2009-07-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments yesterday I take them all very seriously and it touched me so thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I am feeling better this morning and happy to report that I was able to sleep threw the night without incident. I am SO thankful. Yesterday I started of the day with a juice of: kale, celery, apple, ginger, carrot... Yummy the carrot make it nice and sweet wasn't able to add lemon juice I ran out but this was great anyway.

I went an trained myself at the gym yesterday morning since my trainer was out of town. I was afraid that I would have an issue but all went well. I stop at Whole Foods after and picked up a few items, which included a banana and watermelon to eat on the way home. After an hour or so I had quite a few snack: Lara bar, 4 dates, almonds and walnuts. I was hoping this was an indication I was going to turn things around. I trained my client at 6:00 and came home to make dinner. I had this delicious salad with a new carrot-ginger dressing. At first I had a hard time thinking this was a dressing since it was not the consistence I am use to for a dressing. The flavor was delicious and on the sweet side. I also cooked up some sweet potato fries.

I decided to add a little more starch to see if that would aid in my gastrointestinal issues. I had a Ezekiel muffin with some Raw honey I bought today. Yummy! This hit the spot. I also finished off the night with a small piece of dark chocolate. Although my stomach continued to make a LOT of sounds I felt good and satisfied.

It is now Tuesday morning and it is another beautiful day. I started of the morning with a juice of: Kale, celery, apple, ginger, carrot and lemon. Nice start to the day. I train with my trainer today at 12:30 and have a grocery list started so may attempt to pick up stuff off the list on my way back. I still need to go file for my DBA for the business. I don't train tomorrow so I may just do that tomorrow.

I have been looking at my stomach issues and had to really ask myself one question: Are you doing this to an extreme? I have issues with this and am an all or nothing kind of girl but does this always benefit me? I have decided that I will keep things raw and light threw out the day and then have a nice meal at night that will start with a nice Raw salad. I saw a recipe for some Maple Balsamic vinegar that I am going to make and toss it with some brussel sprouts that I have in the refrigerator and roast as part of my dinner tonight. I want to continue experimenting with different approaches to eating but this does not mean that I have to go at it full force! Hey I am still learning...

Stomach Issue Continue

2009-07-13T04:58:00.000-07:00

I did good all day yesterday so why do stomach problems have to start again at 4:00 am? It isn't pain for or anything and I hate to be blogging about my gastrointestinal issue but I thought if someone has gone through this and can let me know this is normal process of detoxing it "might' make me feel a little better.

Like I said I don't feel bad but right before I have to go to the bathroom I can feel the "waste" going all the way threw my intestinal tract. Since I have never experience this before it "freaked' me out at first. But I am happy to know that my body does give me a heads up that I need to be heading to the bathroom when I get that feeling. Not sure if I will be able to venture out far from home today unless it is going to get better now that the sun is up. Looks like another nap might be in my future today.

If anyone has done any raw dieting and has experience this I would LOVE to hear from you.

Recouping

2009-07-12T16:59:00.001-07:00

Still recouping from what ever has gotten to me. I definitely do not have my appetite back but some who I was able to eat this delicious chocolate mousse with Raw whipped cream. Yummy! The whip cream was good I was hoping it would be a little more fluffy but the taste was fabulous. Maybe if I had a Vitamix it would have turned out better. I have that on my want list along with a couple other things when we are back and on our feet. I ate the mousse and decided to lay down. I must have needed it because I slept a good three hours.

I decided to keep it light for dinner. I had a little bit of the "raw" Italian cheese left so decided on two delicious lettuce wraps!!

These are so good I just love them. I had thought about making a salad and if I am feeling hungry later maybe I will toss one up. But decided to finish of with a delicious piece of...

Chocolate... That always makes a tummy feel better right? It was good. I am thinking of making a batch of this dressing I want to try from the Raw Food Detox diet, Carrot-ginger dressing. I thought if it was already made up I would be more opt to trying it.

Have a question for anyone out there... Has anyone used garam masala seasoning? Can I buy this at the store? There is a recipe for Raw Curry Cantaloupe Soup that I was thinking of trying since I have the cantaloupe and that is the only thing I don't have to make it. I wonder how much of a difference it will make if I leave it out. It only calls for a 1/2 teaspoon. What do you think. I want to make sure the cantaloupe doesn't go to waste. I guess it won't hurt if I make it up with out the seasoning right? Maybe I will. I will let you know how it works out.

Off to do some cooking: Carrot-ginger dressing and Raw Curry cantaloupe soup.

Detoxing or Food Poisoning?

2009-07-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

Thought I would start of with a recap of yesterday. I woke up early and decided to run to another Farmers Market before I met up with Diane to do some leg training at the gym. I was still so full from the night before I decided to skip attempting to eat anything. The Farmers Market was Fabulous! I didn't have a lot of cash so I just bought a few things but I am excited about go again this Saturday. I ran into a women I use to work with years ago and it was wonderful catching up with her. We plan on meeting at the Farmers Market again next week. I ended up buying Fresh Organic Kale, blueberries and Green Lettuce. After my training session I headed home and finally felt like having something. I made a nice glass of juice.

While browsing on the Internet I snack the rest of these. I had a few Raw donut holes while I made my husband and son there dinner.

I decided to begin using up some of the stuff in the refrigerator and had a big salad for dinner: fresh romaine, yellow pepper, cucumber, green onion, broccoli, mashed avocado and a veggie burger cut up that I bought at Costco. It was and OK salad and the stomach started to up soon after I finished eating this. It was too bad just a lot of grumbling. Hubby and I sat down to watch a movie and I made myself a bowl of banana ice cream and raw chocolate sauce. I was able to get threw the movie and then the stomach got bad. I ended going up stair to bed and hit the bathroom every few minutes most of the night. It was awful! Can't remember the last time that has happened to me. I am assuming it was some kind of food poisoning but of course I want to say it was my body getting rid of all the horrible toxins I have in my body.

This morning I have only used the bathroom once so I think I am feeling some what better. Stomach still isn't quite right but have felt a little more like eating today. I had some wonderful use about 9:30 and ate the apple and celery pulp with a little agave and cinnamon. Ate three raw donut holes.

Snack on some fresh blueberries from the Farmers Market while I started prepping the boys dinner for tonight. It is Sunday and it is Pasta night. That always includes a home made batch of these....

Fresh homemade Pasta for dinner. My son loves it and this batch will probably not even see the rest of the night. I wish I could convert them to a little wheat but they just won't budge on that.

I plan on keep the food light today and see how my stomach is. Plan on making up some chocolate mousse with the rest of the tofu i have in the refrigerator and trying Gena, at Choosing Raw, recipe for "Raw Whipped Cream" thought it would be a nice added touch on top of the mousse. Thinking about having Collard wraps for dinner.

Some one had asked for the recipe for the "Raw" Beanless Zucchini Hummus

3 raw zucchinis, peeled and chopped

6 tsp lemon juice

4 cloves garlic

2 tsp paprika

2 tsp sea salt

1/2 tsp cumin

1 tsp turmeric

2 pinches cayenne pepper

1/2 cup raw Tahini

1 cup sesame or sunflower seeds, soaked

Extra-virgin olive oil, for drizzle

Fresh parsley, minced for garnish

Place all ingredients, except oil and parsley, into a food processor or blender and blend until smooth or to desired consistency. Drizzle with oil and garnish with parsley. Complement it with crudites, raw flax crackers or whole-grain pita bread. You can also spread it on sandwiches or mix it with salad.

I might have to try this recipe in my salad.

Grazing

2009-07-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

Doesn't this look fabulous? Don't worry this isn't something I ate. My son serve himself up a piece today and I took a quick picture so that you could see the finished product of my pound cake.

For lunch I had this salad. I used some of the fresh ingredients from the farmers market. I had to use up some black beans in the refrigerator so threw those on top. You may think the center of the salad is avocado but you would be wrong. It is hummus I made today. My salad had: fresh romaine, fresh cucumber, corn cut from a cob, yellow peppers, little tomato, black beans and hummus. It was a great salad.

Unfortunately, the salad did not fill me long and I start picking which at first I started to panic. I decided to make a delicious tofu mousse. So good! I snack on nuts and raisins. I still have the mind set that I am going to gain tons of weight eating nuts and dried fruit. I believe old mind set die hard. I went to the gym and trained my client at 6:00 and got home about 7:30.

I wasn't really hungry so decided on just having vegetables for dinner. Here is a few picture of my delicious and beautiful bean less hummus. Have I told you how much I love this? Probably only about a dozen times.

I sat with a bag of cut up cauliflower and had a feast. So filling and great fiber for the body. I also had some left over veggies that needed to be grilled up.

So I grilled those and had that along with my cauliflower and hummus. To top off everything I had a delicious donut hole. I am quite full and ready to relax for the evening.